Or should I exclaim ‘a ho!’ That may well describe last week’s hare-pair in a nutshell. dBASED and (current & second) wife Occasional Rapist led the litter from Brady’s Yacht Club past the ‘other’ Yacht Club and then on-down to the Small Craft Harbor locally referred to as the Yacht Harbor. We climaxed on a visit to the elegant yacht belonging to Broke Bench Mountain and Cumz Out My Nose.
While this may sound picturesque and exciting, between the start and the climax was a lot of dreary, nerve-wracking territory. Your Scribe will apologize in advance for dragging you around Lower Seabright through the scenic and less scenic areas thereof but the warning must become permanent pertaining to the partnering of Occasional Rapist and dBASED. I will mention they were accompanied by faithful canine companion Junk Puncher but he will follow anyone that fills his feed bowl and was not a completely willing confederate in this misadventure.
So, there we were,(there we were) filling the outdoor drinkin’ area at Brady’s Yacht Club with half the pack socializing and the other half with their eyes glued to the huge outdoor flat screen TV watching the Golden State Warriors attempt to close out the NBA Finals and garner their fourth title in eight years. Both halves shared the common ground of imbibing though.
This hash had the theme of ‘Nauti Yachty’. I must admit the hares got ‘nauti’ but it was not the pleasurable experience being ‘nauti’ can be. That’s a completely different take on being naughty. For further info on THAT particular variety of naughtiness, I would advise consulting Pee Skool.
Be that as it may, eventually the GM’s were able to drag a thoroughly-engrossed dBASED away from the game and listen as Occasional Rapist delivered Instructions of Trail. I still do not know if they were MEANT to be rambling or whether that’s just the way Occasional Rapist speaks. dBASED just stood there smiling. Okay, the hares are away so we can return to more important endeavors. Unable to postpone the inevitable any longer, co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for and received a Circleup for Introductions and consequently heard from the following hounds: Thmp-Thmp, Princess Di(arrhea), Clearly Not A Hooker, Just Foot Pussy, Bacon Queef, TIMMY!!, Pink Cherry Licker, Under Where?, Pee Skool, Dung-Fu Grip, Snake Me Anywhere, Steamy Baanorrhea, Just Jenna, Accuprick, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Bestiality Interruptus, My Little Bony and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our four-legged contingency was represented by Wobbles and Spott’d Dick. The stage is set for a play in one huge act, let the game begin.
We exited the parking lot behind Brady’s and were pointed on-left onto Cypress Avenue and used it to it’s end point at East Cliff Drive. An on-left there brought us to Seabright Avenue where an on-right was indicated. Seabright goes no further than the cliffs overlooking Seabright State Beach so there were turned on-left onto the remnants of East Cliff Drive that were not devoured by Monterey Bay prior to the building of the jetty at the Small Craft Harbor. There is a narrow, rut and pot-hole filled driveway, and I use that word in the loosest definition thereof, traversing on-left from East Cliff splitting the difference between Second and Third avenues. Let the Circle Jerk begin. This took us all the way to Marine Parade which, incidentally, is directly across Seabright from Brady’s. It was on-right onto Marine Parade and past Third Avenue to then on-right onto Fourth Avenue and pass that OTHER Yacht Club mentioned earlier. This brought us back to Atlantic where we were directed on-left and on-down to the Small Craft Harbor. These hares can’t seriously believe anyone will swim the channel I hope. Ah, yes, the Water Taxi. The Water Taxi, in case you do not know, runs Thursday through Sunday until Labor Day weekend. Try it sometime, it’s a fun, beautiful and FREE excursion. We waited for quite a while on AA Dock near the original location of Aldo’s Restaurant for the boat to appear.
Eventually it sailed into port and we all clambered aboard for the quick trip across the harbor. Some antics performed on this seafaring voyage by Wobbles would earn her hash name for her. More on that later though. Once disembarked, we turned on-right through the parking lot for the Crow’s Nest and then on-left to resume our jaunt along East Cliff Drive. A short distance along, trail turned the troops on-left onto Assembly Way and one block later on-right onto Alpine Street. Many years ago, the Seventh Avenue end of Alpine Street was closed to vehicles. A pedestrian-only path leads to Seventh Avenue where we were coerced into undertaking the incredibly dangerous crossing of Seventh without benefit of a crosswalk. Miraculously, all avoided getting killed and continued on Alpine to Eighth Avenue and on-right back to East Cliff Drive.(again) An on-left was followed by a quick on-left onto Ninth Avenue which was followed by a quick on-right off road onto a locals-only trail beside Schwan Lake. This continued a while past the origin of the name for Rubik’s Pube’s dog, Swamp Rat. After viewing the backside of dozens of homes, we came to Tenth Avenue and were pointed on-left onto Delores Street. This brought us (back) to Seventh and this time were blessed with the grace of an authentic crosswalk. At Sixth Avenue the promised Turkey/Eagle split manifested itself. The Eagle trail appears it will not be much fun so let’s stick with the Turkey trotters tonight.
We continued along Delores until Lake Avenue where we went on-right to Eaton Street. While approaching the bridge over the harbor, we noted the Eagles passing over the bridge. The Turkeys, however, were directed under the bridge and to the top of the east side of the harbor. Rumor Central contends the Eagles made their way up the Seabright area and into Fredrick Street Park and on-down to the harbor again. Once the clan was at the top of the harbor, the BN mark was observed and directed one and all out onto J Dock and the the opulent yacht owned by Broke Bench Mountain and Cumz Out My Nose. Here we found munchies and drinks to keep us happy for quite a while. As a matter of fact, it was well past sundown when the GM’s finally told us to pack it in and pack it up and migrate to the parking lot on Watson Street across from Day’s Market.
Once safely covered by darkness, RA Accuprick started his Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this session: Occasional Rapist fer her birthday; co-hare dBASED for leaving his flour bag on the dock; Wobbles, who shook violently on the Water Taxi ride across the harbor, became Daddy’s Little Vibrator; Cold Smegma Kamikaze honored for completing 150 hashes with us; the hares for their nauty/nautical theme; Princess Di(arrhea) for taking the Water Taxi all the way to Beer Check and dBASED was awarded the Hashit for leaving his flour bag on the dock. Oh, yeah. The accursed hares. The only compliment I heard was the pack wishing when they fell in the harbor that they would drown quickly and painlessly.
After dispensing with the hare-pair, Accuprick declared this hash being over and I do hereby declare this Trash over as well.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-first day of June in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.
Submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe