The Bastille may be too good a place for these scoundrels. I suggest dispensing with the usual Kangaroo Court associated with such dastardly deeds and send the lot of them directly to the guillotine. Beheading is an efficient (and economical) method of ridding our midst of these three misanthropes. Allow me to elaborate upon their many transgressions.
Bestiality Interruptus, Just Jenna and My Little Bony brazenly and proudly announced the entirety of their trail was prelaid. For a reason I am of yet unable to fathom, they seemed especially proud of themselves for this ‘accomplishment’ and vigorously preened themselves and each other in plain sight of their kennel mates. This brazen demonstration took place in a large public park within sight of young children as well.
A synopsis of events follows.
We gelled at Jose Avenue Park adjacent to the horse shoe pits. Bony said this area was used to raucous behavior and yelling so no one would take note of us. While that may be true, there aren’t 20 people yelling and drinking at those social events so I think we were probably taken note of by the mortals around us. Be that as it may, the festivities progressed unabated. Just Jenna even distributed beer produced by her husband which was quite tasty. Even though trail was a pre-lay, the hare trio still could not find it within themselves to leave on time. This portends of tragic events to soon follow.
As this was Bastille Day, berets were distributed and many hounds sported striped shirts and a few wore suspenders. I was unable to determine if they were to look French or as gondola operators in Venice. Then again, consider who our hares were. Hares away. (to their cars!)
Not wishing to press our luck drinking in a public park, co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions and were greeted by responding barks from: Boneless Shelter, Pink Cherry Licker, TIMMY!!, Steamy Baanorrhea, dBASED, Wines Like A Bitch, Just Sam, Accuprick, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Cum You Will Not, Occasional Rapist, Rainbow Butthole and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Boulder, Spott’d Dick and Junk Puncher represented our four-legged contingency. Pack off.
By virtue of the fact we assembled our traveling kennel atop not-one-but-two hare arrows, on-out was quite simple. We crossed the pedestrian bridge above a deep gorge and onto Harper Street. Strangely though, we were not directed to make an on-right onto El Dorado Avenue but continued on Harper to the next intersection, Avila Avenue. Here we encountered the first mark Bestiality Interruptus laughingly referred to as a ‘slight oversight’. The hares had crossed up back checks with standard checks. So, what we viewed was a back check circle with flour but no ‘X’ inside the circle. So we treated this sight as a check. Trail was found on-right on Avila which curves on-right and brought us right back to El Dorado. Somewhat early on trail for a pointless circle jerk, wasn’t it?
El Dorado was burned until it’s termination point at the railroad tracks where powder pointed the pod on-left to 17th Avenue where an on-right was dictated. The next intersection, Felt Street, produced an on-left followed by our lovable LC mark on-right into Felt Street County Park.
After the conclusion of our business here, we returned to Felt Street and, mostly by the process of elimination rather than adequate trail marking, found ourselves pointed on-right on 24th Avenue followed by an on-left onto Portola Drive. On the corner with 30th Avenue, the promised Turkey/Eagle split was encountered. The Turkeys were pointed on-left while the Eagle crossed Portola. I’m hoping for a sighting of the Bay, let’s fly with the Eagles.
Eagles were turned on-right onto 30th Avenue, on-left onto Scriver Street which ends at 33rd Avenue which was then taken to it’s termination at East Cliff Drive. Once on the cliffs, we had the pleasure of going on-left all the way to 38th Avenue. Once there, it was on-left onto 38th to Portola where an on-left was indicated. We plodded along the sidewalk to 35th Avenue, on-right there to Roland Drive and on-left there. This led the litter to 30th where we rejoined the Turkeys. Together both clans motivated 30th until arriving at Brommer Street Park where Beer Check was illegally staged.
Upon the conclusion of this fun little interlude, we went down/stumbled down/ fell down a hill back to Brommer and then undertook an (exceptionally) dreary three-quarter of a mile on-in to Pee Skool’s place of employment to stage Religion. (She was wise enough to skip trail)
Upon collecting everyone, RA Accuprick fired up his Religion machine. Here is a sampling of down-downs, justified or not, issued this night: those that adhered to the hare-mandated theme of French attire; Cold Smegma Kamikaze for bursting his zipper while running; backsliders were punished; Pee Skool for hosting Religion; Rainbow Butthole for hashing trail backwards; Dung-Fu Grip as DFL and Boneless Shelter was awarded the hashit. Oh, I almost forgot. The hare trio. Everyone enjoyed Beer Check at Brommer Street Park but no kind words were issued pertaining to trail. Dealing with the hares made Accuprick decide to issue the edict This Hash is over! I hereby do the same for this Trash.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprised Hash 1198.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash was compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be on this, the twentieth day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.
Submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe