Hash 1199 Bitching @ Black’s Beach

Sand gets in your shoes,

When you motivate from one beach to another courtesy of Cum You Will Not, Pink Cherry Licker and Thmp-Thmp. I believe this was more of a convenience to them than it was a well thought out trail. One could toss an empty beer bottle from our start at Black’s Beach to religion at Sunny Cove. Personally, I’d rather toss our tosser-trio of hares. Be that as it may, let’s delve deeper into the transgressions perpetrated against our bodies on the evening of July twenty-first in the year of our Hash tw0-thousand twenty-two.

Things started pleasantly enough; the sun was shining brightly and the beach was inundated with happy people, many of whom were in various stages of nudity. The Beermeister finally made an appearance, dragging coolers haphazardly along an ALMOST existing road to our perch on the cliff above the sand. Pink Cherry Licker presented bags of colored beads and lettered blocks. From these trinkets, hashers began constructing colorful bracelets, necklaces and other items of body adornment that I do not wish to visualize. One of these colorful creations would earn a certain harriette a well-deserved down-down during Religion but I’ll reserve that story until the appropriate time.

The assembly process begins in earnest at Black’s Beach

It took some arm-bending to get the hares to deliver Instructions of Trail. Well, actually what we wanted was for them to simply leave as it was well past the standard on-out time.

Socializing was fierce as, being Wharf to Barf pre-lube, a large number of denizens have emerged from beneath their respective rocks and have joined their kennel mates at the beach. Sadly, as all things, good or bad, must come to an end dBASED was eventually forced to call for Circleup for Introductions. Fearing a riot situation, both GM’s chose to avoid this potentially dangerous situation. This request led to responding barks from the following: Pussy Wood, Transcuntnanal, Just Foot Pussy, Princess Di(arrhea), Leaky Rubber, Fap Jack, Rainbow Butthole, Wines Like A Bitch, Virgin Breanna, Womb with A View, My Sister’s Dildo, Steamy Baanorrhea, Accuprick, Virgin Erika, Virgin Jim, Baker’s Dozen’t, Deadliest Snatch, Dung-Fu Grip, Occasional Rapist, Bacon Queef, Today Is Monday, Just Sam and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Junk Puncher, Merlissa and Spot’d Dick represented our four-legged contingency. Pack out.

The troops traipsed up 14th Avenue and the FRB’s were soon punished by discovering a back check. There was little option available, we migrated to the pedestrians-only section of Prospect Street. One block along Prospect and the hares had found a trashy alley for us to motivate through which brought us to East Cliff Drive and an on-right. Once back to 14th Avenue, we were coerced into crossing on-left onto 14th. When 14th intersected with Merrill Street, we went on-right to 17th Avenue. At 17th, we were turned on-left and encountered the promised Turkey/Eagle split at Felt Street. The Turkeys are being pointed on-right onto Felt Street. It’s a beautiful day, let’s fly with the Eagles.

The Eagles passed the railroad tracks which is the direction we believed we would take. We proceeded to the next street, Kinsley Street, and turned on-right. At the next street, Chanticleer Avenue, marker made us on-right. We can see a chain link fence beside the railroad tracks, the hares must know something we do not.

A creepy path to the railroad tracks

A gate has been breached creating a locals-only access to the railroad tracks. And so it begins. We turned on-left on the tracks and began an extended visit of almost 1/2 mile to 30th Avenue where we were pointed on-right to Portola Drive. Here, for probably the third or fourth time today, we encountered old trail markings. While the hares CLAIMED they would mark through previous trail markings, this proved to be another example of Hares Lie! Eventually the check here was solved and we motivated on-right to 26th Avenue and there it was on-left to 24th Avenue and on-right there to East Cliff Drive where we went on-right. This was good until 20th Avenue where we turned on-left and onto the beach where flour led the flock on-right and into Beer Check.

Beer Check on the beach

From Beer Check it was a short-but-sandy trek to Sunny Cove Beach where Accuprick would fire up his Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this night: Pussy Wood for making a bracelet resembling a lizard at the start, backsliders were punished, Virgins were abused, dBASED for doing Virgin’s Chalk Talk on a manhole cover and Just Foot Pussy for feeling bad about calling him out for such, Ska-Skank Redemption for showing up halfway through Religion, Steamy Baanorrhea celebrated his 225th hash with us…and last as well as least, our hares. They were thanked for the party favors at the start and the rave that would commence after the RA dismisses the pack but no mention was made about trail. So the party could begin, Accuprick signaled an end to this Hash and I hereby do the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose to not complicate this Hash Trash with the facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprised Hash 1199.

By Special appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the first day of August in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

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