Hash Twelve-17: AGM Debauchery

Another successful year,

Where was the success, you may ask? Well, no one died on trail or was even incarcerated this year and in hashing terms, that’s damned successful! I say that even though some of you may think(or wish) that one or more of your kennel mates had been locked away for an extended stay at the Gray Bar Motel. Better luck next year. Unless it’s ME you wish to send up the river, that is.

As you know, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find an affordable, quality facility that accepts hashers. Our Never-Say-Die co-GM’s were able to find such an establishment, and a quality one as well I might add. Vino by the Sea was our intended target this year, a place with a stellar view and a more than adequate beer and wine selection. So, there we were(there we were) up on the second floor of the wharf gathering for our annual meeting, cleverly disguised as a party, watching the world turn and send the sun sinking into the Bay.

Goodbye sun, hello AGM

Both rooms here at Vino were filled by hashers. A few regulars braved the tumult and retained their usual places at the bar but soon thought better of it and migrated to a different venue. All the usual troublemakers were in attendance except for our GM’s whom decided a certain illness would not render them suitable candidates for a large gathering in an enclosed space.

In lieu of their smiling faces, Dung-Fu Grip received a map of their intended trail and stepped up to hare it for them. That being said, when trail length is mentioned later in this Trash, you’ll see that Swamp Rat could have hared THIS trail…alone! Let’s move along. Hare-out.

Ballots were distributed by Pink Cherry Licker who promised the results would be announced…assuming she certified the election as fair and equitable and had not been stolen.

Cum You Will Not marks her ballot…for whomever paid her the most

After all that official stuff was handled, the party was moved to the lower level of the wharf for Circleup for Introductions. Responding howls were heard from: Hareless, dBASED, Pink Cherry Licker, Cum You Will Not, Occasional Rapist Bacon Queef, Just Foot Pussy, Little Anal Annie, Butt Balls, TIMMY!!, Clearly Not A Hooker, Dung-Fu Grip, Today Is Monday, Apple Bobber, Jersey Lunchbox, Steamy Baanorrhea, Just Danielle(soon to change), 2 Dicks Down, Just John, The Arabian Goggler and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. No canine contingency this week, our four-legged companions are not a welcome commodity on the wharf. Pack out.

Butt Balls led the litter along the darkened wharf railing looking as much for tripping hazards as trail marker. Trail crossed to the opposite side of the wharf and proceeded all of two-tenths of a mile to stairs leading on-down to the dock used by Stagnaro’s Whale Watching Excursions. That may sound romantic but try it in the dark sometime! The underbelly of the wharf is not an especially inviting sight and you soon learn where everything goes when you flush the toilet in your favorite wharf restaurant. It was so dark and dismal it’s not possible to estimate what percentage of the pack actually made Beer Check but it was far less than 100, that’s for damn sure. After taking the steps down from the second floor where Vino was located, Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef were seen walking 20 feet to the next bar. I’m surprised the lazy bastards didn’t use the elevator and save some energy for more drinkin’. I imagine they are indicative of a larger group of ne’er-do-wells that did not stray far from the free drinks at the venue. They got their 20 bucks worth even before dinner was served.

After depleting the libations at Beer Check, the strenuous on-in was undertaken. It was quite an on-up from the dock, damnit.

Cum You Will Not and 2 Dicks Down climb on-up from Beer Check

On-in was so short many did not even finish their Beer Check beer by the time they arrived back at Vino. Once there, it was face feed time. We were provided with a taco bar that was more than ample. Even His Bulkiness, Banana Basher, was able to placate his burgeoning belly. After our meal, Banana Basher exposed his annual video recap of the past year. It was, as it always is, well produced and hilarious. You can find it on our Facebook page, YouTube and in the weekly press release from the Santa Cruz Police Department. After this was accomplished, co-Religious Adviser’s Pink Cherry Licker and Dung-Fu Grip started up the insult machine. A sampling of down-downs issued are: those that did not make Beer Check, the morphing of Just Danielle into Flour For Anal Bum, Just John and Jersey Lunchbox who felt compelled to actually run this abbreviated trail. Then it was time for ‘awards’, as they are sarcastically called, to be issued. Here’s what transpired for next year’s Mismanagement Team: Occasional Rapist is Hare Raiser; On Sec dBASED; Social Sec Cum You Will Not; Haberdasher is Fap Jack, Scribe, Hash Cash, Hash Flash Puff the Magic Drag Queen; Religious Advisers: Accuprick, Dung-Fu Grip, dBASED, Baker’s Dozen’t, Pink Cherry Licker; GMs Cumz Out My Nose, Broke Bench Mountain; Treasurer, Dung-Fu Grip. Okay, with those wankers out of the way, now the fun stuff. Best Trail, #1172, Princess Di(arrhea) 50th haring; Worst Trail, #1185 Courtesy Flush and Occasional Rapist; Best Theme #1215 Bye-Bye Boobies, Clearly Not A Hooker and Baker’s Dozen’t; Biggest Wanker, Broke Bench Mountain; Stupidest Act on Trail was perpetrated by Cum You Will Not, she asked someone: Hi, I’m Cum You Will Not, are you a Virgin? He was NOT there to Hash with us!

Socializing and drinking to excess became the modus operandi for the remainder of the evening. Eventually the wait staff had become saturated with our presence and asked us to take the party elsewhere. Kudos to them for providing an excellent experience for us and for tolerating our rudeness as long as they did.

The harried waitstaff at Vino by the Sea. Many thanks!

That’s pretty much wraps up our twenty-second year of existence and it appears we still have shelf life remaining. I feel capable of speaking for all the harriettes(the women should always come first) and harriers out there in thanking all our Mismanagers, hares and everyone else that made this another successful year for the mighty Surf City H3. On-on to our twenty-third year.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the eighth day of November in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe(again)

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