Steamy Dung,
Pretty much what we were subjected to on the evening of 10 August. Steamy Baanorrhea and Dung-Fu Grip promised us views unparalleled in Surf City history. Every time some hare makes such audacious claims I immediately discount the possibility that they will deliver on this promise. Well, I must admit there were some unprecedented sights on this trail. I’ve never seen so much cow shit in my life!! Now, the rest of the story.
The hare-pair requested the pack’s presence at Mission Gardens on Grandview Street. Immediately, the misnomers began. Traverse this street and you will easily see there’s NOTHING to see! There is no grand view, only ugly eighties apartment buildings(in need of serious maintenance). As for the Mission Garden moniker, we’re miles from the Mission and the ‘Garden’ is a expanse of (now brown) grass with no accoutrements normally associated with a park. So, trail has not even been initiated and already the lies proliferate. When Scribe arrived, the hares were already lollygagging on the grass, drinking heavily and chuckling over their trail. This is never taken as a good sign and in this case proved evil omen.
The pack assembled slowly and took up residence on the curb in the parking lot. Our GMs are world-traveling again, reputedly visiting bars in the Seattle area. In what was possibly the highlight of this trail, last week’s hideous hares, that being Pink Cherry Licker and her criminal accomplice Hareless(no longer) opted not to show snout this week so we were not forced to recollect the terrors of that trail. However, the downside here is that pack size was rather small. This can become problematic when a check is encountered but in the final analysis this trail proved, much like our hares, pretty damn simple.
After allotting extra time for straggling hounds, the hares finally admitted only this minuscule number of hashers really wanted to hash this trail so Instructions of Trail were delivered. A Turkey/Eagle split was promised as was a Liquor Check. The latter was appreciated far more than the former. Hares away.
The next fifteen were pleasant. Well, when compared to what we anticipated being dumped on us after their expiration anyway. Upon the allotment’s passage, acting-GM dBASED called for Circleup for Introductions which resulted in responses from: TIMMY!!, Cum,U Will Not!, Flours For Anal Bum, Occasional Rapist, Jersey Lunchbox, Circle Gherkin’, Clearly Not A Hooker, Snake Me Anywhere and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our small canine contingency consisted of Spot’d Dick, Junk Puncher and Bukkake. Pack out.
The Turkey/Eagle split was conveniently located at the street, Eagles on-left while Turkeys were herded on-right. The Eagles were headed on-up into Arroyo Seco Canyon. Enjoy! We Turkeys traipsed along Grandview to an on-right onto Beachview Avenue. This was yet another incorrect labeling which is apparently inherent in this area. One cannot come close to seeing a beach from here. Beachview curves on-left and brought us to Western Drive where, and we could smell this one a mile away, on-right to undertake a steep on-up. And so we did. No rejoicing either. Once mercifully completed, we were rewarded with Liquor Check.
After concluding business here, we continued motivating along Western until Meder Street where we were joined by the Eagles from on-right and were pointed on-left. It then became obvious Moore Creek Preserve was our destination. We have not traversed these trails in quite a while. We were soon to be reminded why we avoid this area.
Let’s fast forward along the dreary length of Meder and enter Moore Creek. We went on-right onto East Meadow Trail and then on-left onto Moore Creek Trail. This led the litter on-down to Moore Creek and then on-up into a cow pasture that had seen recent bovine occupation, if you get my meaning. Yes, it was meadow muffin mania through this section of trail. Eventually it was on-left onto Prairie View Trail. It was more of being IN a prairie than merely viewing one though. This would eventually dump us onto the side of California Highway 1 where we were coerced into crossing. Just across it was on-left onto Mission Street and not long after that the BN mark was observed and on-up a small hill we discovered the hares quietly sitting on the cooler awaiting our arrival. We then began an extended break waiting for the walkers. Finally a phone call highlighted our dilemma.
Remember our stint with Prairie View Trail? It seems that when the walkers arrived the sun was vanishing and the view was spectacular. Stellar enough they decided to stop and watch. They fell asleep. No, just kiddin’. They DID, however, spend an inordinate amount of time watching the sunset before resuming trail. When they arrived at Beer Check, they were met on the street by Dung-Fu Grip, handed a beer and told to continue motivating as it was getting late. We motivated back to Point A but, considering the darkness and the proximity to nearby apartments, Religion was moved to the parking lot behind Upper Crust Pizza which was to be the site of on-on-on anyway.
Once completely reassembled, dBASED assumed the role of Religious Adviser and here’s is a sampling of the injustices he unleashed on the pack this night: the walkers taking pictures on trail and delaying the Hash; backsliders were punished; dBASED for running right past Liquor Check; Gherkin’ and Jersey for Chivalry on Trail, they waited for dBASED to put Junk Puncher’s harness on him. This Hash is…oops, NOT over. The hare-pair. They were told we appreciated the views, just find a more acceptable way to get us there next time. This Hash is over.
On-on-on was right next door at Upper Crust Pizza and almost everyone attended.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end i desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-61.
By Special appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the fourteenth day of August in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.
Submitted with all respect due,
Puff
the
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe