Hash Twelve-64: Nothing charming about Chaminade

Happy Labor Day,

A holiday for most of you peons that still slave for the almighty American dollar. Though you may not enjoy your job, think your boss is a jerk(a boss is just a double S.o.B…backwards!) your weekly woes are vastly superior to the labor we were forced to endure this past Thursday. Cum,U Will Not!, Steamy Baanorrhea and Hugh Heifer, all three mild mannered maniacs and (reasonably) well liked in the kennel, made themselves somewhat LESS well liked this night. Explanation to follow.

We began from the beautiful venue of Chaminade Resort and Spa. Stellar surroundings, tennis courts (where’s the pickle ball courts?), gym, sauna, two(count ’em, TWO) heated pools, the list of amenities continues practically ad infinitum. But us? Well, no, of course not. We were directed to a small park with a fountain filled with malodorous water and an ashtray so people could smoke around us. The weather was as dreary as our surroundings. We were coerced into drinking from a vessel as being seen with beer bottles in hand would have allowed security to send out butts packing. So, in short, an alarmingly inauspicious beginning to this Hash.

In order to minimize potential casualties, the hare-pair(where’s Hugh?) delivered a short version of instructions of Trail and outed themselves. Well, this is probably also due in part to the fact neither are accomplished public speakers. Their ardent hope was to complete trail prior to darkness falling upon our little heads. THEY avoided the dreariness of the darkness, the pack , however, did not and was shrouded in darkness long before trail evaporated.

Fifteen minutes was spent communing with our drinks and looking nonchalant when security passed by in the golf carts or guests passed the park on the way to the main building. Many of the parents recognized no-accounts and lowly louts upon seeing us and drew their children closer when passing. Upon the expiration of the lead time, co-GM Broke Bench Mountain requested a Circlelup for Introductions and heard from the following hounds: dBASED, TIMMY!!, Pink Cherry Licker, Jersey Lunchbox, Snake Me Anywhere, Oral D, Clearly Not A Hooker and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. We had a minuscule canine contingency this week consisting of only Spot’d Dick and Junk Puncher. Cumz Out My Nose was dog-sitting Scratch and Sniff who had visited the vet today for the snippy-snippy procedure. Pack out.

Much of this trail was on unnamed (unauthorized?) trails. Consequently this Trash will be an inaccurate recreation of the actual trail. No one cares anyway. Trail proceeded directly to an on-down trail consisting of leaf-slickened steps and little more. This trail(unauthorized?) soon curved on-left and circled beneath the main building and crossed the road leading on-up from the cemetery at the bottom of the hill conveniently located adjacent to Dominican Hospital. Then we were actually treated to a paced surface which soon turned on-right and into the hinterland of Chaminade. This would never be referred to as the ‘resort’ section of the property. There were a number of large metal PODs here, we can only speculate as to what is contained within. Trail then turned on-right and became a fire access road. Soon we exited Chaminade property and viewed the BN mark.

Beer Check was convened on the edge of Santa Cruz Gardens County Park. Upon completion of our business here, the Eagles headed off distancing themselves ever further from the start while the Turkey’s backtracked a short distance before skirting around the edge of Chaminade property before plunging into the depths of the now darkening wood. This began a serious on-down to the banks of Arana Creek, barely a trickle at this time of the year and this far upstream from Arana Gulch Greenbelt. Near the remains of an old house, Liquor Check was staged. It was a risky on-down to where the bottle of unknown(still is!) liquid was discovered. After dealing with this, an almost never-ending on-up was undertaken which eventually popped the pod out neat the aforementioned POD storage containers. It was there, as soon as Jersey lunchbox resurfaced after doing BOTH Eagle trails, that Pink Cherry Licker began Religion.

Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this night: Jersey Lunchbox for being DFL; Snake Me Anywhere for bringing a light knowing it would get dark before the end of trail…and leaving it in her car; Clearly Not A Hooker for chivalry on trail, she gave her light to another hound; Broke Bench Mountain for lighting trail for everyone but really only blinding oncoming hounds; Pink Cherry Licker and (father) TIMMY!! for falling multiple times along trail; TIMMY!! and Hooker celebrated analversaries. It was time for on-on-on and…oh. The hare trio. Our hare trio of Cum, U Will Not!, Steamy Baanorrhea and Hugh Heifer were thanked for a beautiful starting point but no mention of trail itself was heard. This Hash is over.

On-on-on was at Jeffrey’s but was attended only by TIMMY!!, Broke Bench Mountain and Puff.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate. I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mine I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-64.

By Special permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, September the fourth in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

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