Hash Twelve-65: A long trail off a short wharf


Struck Surf City early this year and Trick or Treat became trick only. Or maybe I should say ‘prick’! Harsh? Well, maybe but then again so was this trail. Horror story details to follow.

Beginning from club favorite Vino-by-the-Sea(even though this is Monterey Bay) made the merry members of this madness even merrier. We also ran into Apple Bobber. Apparently his band performs here so this has now become his hang. He was, however, unable to hash as it was his night to prepare dinner for his girlfriend. The pack assembled on the breezeway as the weather was stellar. The early evening sun shone it’s warming rays directly on us.

For an unknown reason, our hare-pair, that being Cumz Out My Nose(fully healed obviously) and Broke Bench Mountain, chose to wait quite a while past 6:33 before delivering Instructions of Trail. Most likely this was due to the fact there were a paltry eight hounds in attendance, a rather small turnout for a beautiful day right here on our very own wharf. Where is everyone? Anyway, Instructions of Trail were rather mundane. Something, we were soon to sadly discover, would NOT be indicative of trail itself. Hares out.

In approximately fifteen minutes acting-GM dBASED drove the mob down the steps for Circleup for Introductions on the performance stage and heard from: Clearly Not A Hooker, TIMMY!!, Cum, U Will Not!, Occasional Rapist, Circle Gherkin’, Steamy Baanorrhea and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. For our canine contingency we saw Spot’d Dick, Junk Puncher and Scratch and Sniff co-haring. Pack out.

We can fast forward a quarter of a mile back to land. The promised Turkey/Eagle split was observed at Beach Street.

Reverse psychology? Turkey/Eagle split reverse-labeled!

While many of us thought it strange the Turkeys would be directed on-up the hill towards the Dream Inn while the Eagles stayed on flat ground, we had ultimate faith our hares knew what they were doing. On-up it was for we Turkeys. Upon reaching the Dream Inn, we were directed to cross West Cliff Drive and on-left to Bay Street. There was a check at Bay. TIMMY!! proceeded farther along West Cliff and was perturbed to find an uncapped Check; two marks and nothing more. Puff went on-right on Bay and soon encountered that coveted third mark. On-on! Fast forward to California Street where a check was observed. TIMMY!! and Puff split the duty with Puff finding a damn long false on-right on California. In the end it was Occasional Rapist finding trail on-right and on-down into the depths of Neary Lagoon. A check at the bottom of the hill yielded an on-left onto the pontoon bridge floating on the water.

At a Y-split trail went on-left and found: it’s dead end and a back check both! Normally, this would be acceptable but there was a hare arrow just upon entering the bridge. So, remembering this, Clearly Not A Hooker climbed the fence blocking off the other section of the bridge. It was closed for removal of the tule and cattail grasses clogging the waterway. She soon returned saying a section of the bridge has been removed to allow passage of machinery and she refuses to swim in Neary Lagoon! So, it was time to circle back around to the Chestnut Street entrance. Once there we merged with the Eagle trail. Again, we considered this strange as it appears the Eagles came here directly from the check on Beach Street, barely a quarter of a mile. Something is wrong here!

Just as we started to take the walkway leading to Laurel Street, Occasional phoned and found everyone was waiting on us at Beer Check! This was due to the fact the hares HAD reversed the markings at the Turkey/Eagle split and those that took the Eagle trail arrived at Beer Check half an hour ago! Consequently, the remainder of trail was ignored and the rest of the pack made for Beer Check at the end of Cliff Street overlooking town. Upon our arrival there, business was concluded quickly as the hour was growing late. We soon slithered over to the area behind Monterey Bay National Marine Sanctuary Exploration Center. (the name is bigger than the building!) Religion was staged here with dBASED at the helm. Here’s a sampling of the brief Religion: Circle Gherkin’ for hashng his first Turkey trail, albeit it unintentionally; Clearly Not a Hooker for hashing her first Eagle trail though it, too, was unintentional; Cumz Out My Nose for mixing up the designations at the Turkey/Eagle split. Both hares merely remained at the altar for the tradition thrashing of the hares. That was it, that was enough! This Hash is over.

On-on-on was at the Boardwalk Bowl.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end i desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-65.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the eleventh day of September in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

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