Hash Twelve-71: Bailing out Balefire

Hallowe’en month continues,

Or at least the accompanying horrors thereof.

We assembled at Santa Cruz’s newest brewery, Balefire, which, incidentally, is hasher-owned making it the perfect venue. Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch welcomed us with open taps…and hands as well. Everything breakable had been removed from our table. This was a pleasant reunion as both of them have been slaving away first at Steel Bonnet and now at Balefire. I’m certain they have already ascertained the latter will consume far more of their lives than the previous.

The only drawback to this grand beginning is the complacency it engendered in the pack. We forgot Pink Cherry Licker and Cumz Out My Nose were the evening’s hare-pair. These two have proven to be troublemakers of the first order in their previous outings. We had no reason to expect differently this time. Even before on-out the beach party had been cancelled in favor of holding Religion right back here at the brewery. Last minute changes to trail are always unsettling. Such is frequently indicative of a last ditch, death bed attempt by the hares to salvage a trail they have been forced to admit is subpar.

After it was completely dark and the hares had finished their drinks, Instructions of Trail were delivered, albeit hesitatingly, from Pink Cherry Licker. There was mention of a Turkey/Eagle split, some vague assertion that trail was short and Liquor Check had been deleted. As a matter of fact, almost EVERYTHING this trail was to contain was vague. This is a ruse frequently employed by subpar hares relating to their subpar trail. Hares away.

The next fifteen minutes-plus was spent socializing, finishing drinks and being closely watched by Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch. (with good reason too I might add) After these fifteen elapsed, dBASED called for a Circleup for Introductions which resulted in the following responding barks: TIMMY!!, Banana Basher, Steamy Baanorrhea, International House of Pussy, Oral-D, Jersey Lunchbox, Circle Gherkin’, Clearly Not A Hooker, Worm, Today Is Monday, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Jizziki, Hareless and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Tonight’s small canine contingency consisted of Junk Puncher and Bukkake. Pack out.

The search for trail commenced immediately as there was no marking at the start. After a minute or two of aimless wanderings, on-on was sounded through the parking lot to East Cliff Drive and on-left. A block later, 14th Avenue was dictated on-right and then on-right onto Merrill Street. When Merrill collided with 17th Avenue, a solved check turned the troops on-left all the way to Felt Street. The Eagles reappeared having been dragged down the railroad tracks from 7th Avenue. Both packs were directed across 17th and down Felt to 24th Avenue, on-left there to Portola Drive. Once safely across this busy thoroughfare, we were directed on-right (back) to East Cliff Drive and on-left there to plunge down into the darkness of Sunny Cove Drive. It was there we caught up with our hare-pair serving Beer Check from the trunk of a car. It took a surprisingly long time for the mob to reassemble. Once everyone showed snout, the herd migrated back to Balefire for Religion.

Once everyone settled down, RA Pink Cherry Licker began issuing a series of down-downs. Here’s a sampling thereof: those that did not even ATTEMPT trail; Rat Pussy was honored as our host; Steamy Baanorrhea was punished for chivalry on trail and Puff for sharing a dog biscuit with Bukkake. On-on-on was right here and…oh. The accursed hares. They were thanked for holding Religion at Balefire but nothing (good) was said pertaining to trail. This Hash is over.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-71.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-fourth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

Leave a Reply