On the other side of the coin…another Summer’s promise is almost gone. And what more accurate way to confirm it’s demise than by being subjected to another edition of the Jersey Lunchbox and Circle Gherkin’ Shit Show. This trail would have proven lethal to anyone under the age of eighteen. These two jokers will be consigned to such depths of the netherworld that they could not be found even with assistance from an asbestos bloodhound. This sets the stage for this tragic play in one act.
Let’s set the venue. Brady’s Yacht Club. The original owner named it such to mock the nearby Santa Cruz Yacht Club and it was the last business in Santa Cruz to get a phone. The City Council dictated all businesses must have a phone in case of an emergency. So, finally, Brady’s installed a phone…a pay phone on the Seabright Avenue-facing outside wall of the building! Needless to say, this did not appease the Powers that Be so they acquiesced and had one installed inside but made sure the number was unlisted. While you may find the interior decor unsettling, this place looks like a cross between a grandfather clock and a pirate ship, and you may occasionally get poked in your posterior with a pool stick due to the close quarters, three shots of Jamison and you’ll be a happy hasher. It is also a good way to keep your mind off the impending trail. A number of people adhered to the upcoming Hallowe’en festivities and came in costume. However, with some of the attendees it was impossible to separate their usual attire from their Hallowe’en getup. Welcome to Santa Cruz! I do not believe it a stretch to say the best part of this trail was NOT trail but rather the announcement on it’s Facebook page. Everything went down hill from there.
A little late, Circle Gherkin’ delivered Instructions of Trail and made reference to QR codes that would be strategically placed at various places on what was promised to be a three mile trail that would give directions for the next section of trail. Novel idea and made even better by being voiced by Vincent Price. Too bad it didn’t work as well in actuality as it did in theory. Hares out.
Fifteen minutes of our lives were now spent finishing drinks, paying our tab and ignoring how dark it is these days even prior to on-out. Once these tasks were completed co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain requested a Circleup for Introductions and heard from the following: Steamy Baanorrhea, Hareless, Oral-D, TIMMY!!, dBASED, Cum,U Will Not!, Snake Me Anywhere, Pink Cherry Licker, FapJack, Worm, Rubik’s Pube, Radies Man, Clearly Not A Hooker, Thmp-Thmp, Princess Di(arrhea), Just Megan, Just Foot Pussy, Bacon Queef, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. This week’s canine contingency consisted of Spot’d Dick, Scratch and Sniff and Bitey McFuck You. Pack out.
We were ejected out Brady’s rear to an on-right onto Cypress Avenue. A block later it was on-right onto Murray Street followed by an on-left onto Seabright Avenue to a check at Logan Street. One mark sent the pack scurrying on Seabright but no more were found. Trail turned out to take Logan to Mott Avenue and on-left to the railroad tracks and a check. This was another check that took a while to solve but eventually trail was found on-right along the tracks to the locals-only path leading to Mountain View Avenue and the first QR clue of the night. By the time the QR code was scanned, Steamy Baanorrhea had already discovered trail on Hiawatha followed by an on-right onto(into?) Alley 1017. This is a challenging event as security lights are tripped, dogs bark and neighbors get suspicious. Back to Logan and it was on-left to Buena Vista Avenue to a check at the locals-only trail leading on-left and another QR check. Steamy located trail onto the locals-only path and then on-left and on-up into Oceanview Park. After being subjected to a circuitous route, the BN mark was observed and we arrived at the end of the park overlooking the river. The hares requested a 5 minute lead time before the QR code here was scanned.
Scanning this code gave us another cryptic clue so sniffing for trail was performed. It was necessary for trail to on-down to East Cliff Drive and once there marker pointed the pod on-left. To shorten this tale, trail took the troops to Princes Park overlooking the Boardwalk for Liquor Check. The covey coagulated there for the appropriate time and then took off again pursuing the hare-pair. Trail returned to East Cliff Drive and sauntered along the remaining sections of the street until making an on-left onto 4th Avenue and then a check at Atlantic Avenue. This proved to be another difficult one to solve but eventually it was on-right onto Atlantic followed by an on-right onto the jetty walkway leading out to the Walton Lighthouse. Little by little, like a slow acting poison, the pack was beginning to die on this trail. A far smaller number of hounds arrived at the lighthouse for Candy Check than showed snout at Liquor Check. After withstanding the bay breeze as long as possible, on-in was instituted…with Steamy Baanorrhea as the hare! Circle Gherkin’, the original hare for this section, hid his face in shame and said he hoped Steamy could salvage some value from this trail. Steamy took us through the harbor parking lot and on-left on the railroad tracks to the site for Religion on Watson Street just off Seabright.
Once the remnants of the now-downsized pack arrived, Pink Cherry Licker began issuing down-downs. Here’s a sampling of this issued this night: visitor Radies Man was welcomed, backsliders were punished, birthday celebrators were honored, Broke Bench Mountain for falling hard on trail, those poor souls whose spouses abandoned them to stay at the bar and best costume contest. Now it was off to…oh. The hares. They were lauded for the QR code idea and told to keep working on it until they got it right. Also a four mile-plus trail is NOT a three mile trail. This Hash is over. Now it was off to Engfer’s Pizza to plague the owner Liz with our presence. I also have it on good authority a small number of hashers hit The Blue Lounge after Engfer’s.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.
I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-72.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-ninth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.
submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe