This has been dubbed the hash of the Invasion of the virgins! The hasher’s met at the Seabright brewery, the original Santa Cruz 100% Non-organic brewery making Orgasmic beer since 1988. Yes Orgasmic! Swiss army cock and Tiny winey bitch haring this god forsaken group of loser’s. It appeared Just Dan came to get named this night and decided he needed a few virgins to support him (Erika being one of them). Just Ted also showed up and this was his 2nd hash with SC. We chugged our Pelican Pales with vigor as TIMMY gave chalk talk to the 6 virgins that showed up. In some shape or form these virgins had some kind of encounter with hasher’s prior. Virgin TJ (aka total Jock!) came by Johhny Cockring even though he came alone! He said it was his birthday and he was hoping to get lucky! Just Dan made Virgin Rodney come on trail. It was a canine friendly trail so all the hasher’s whom enjoy beastiality brought their beast’s on trail. Virgin Tuala and Virgin Gwendolyn encountered us from Brady’s Yacht club during the Pirates hash so intrigued… they decided to come see what hashing was about. Trail left the bar at usual timing, and most of the pack made their way down to the Harbor. The lighted boats made for a festive show during the hash. Now what would 609 hash be without our only Six o’ nine hasher! He shortcutted his way to find the pack making their way back down Eaton street towards the Pacific Edge climbing gym. He was towing his virgin Stephanie. I will spare you the boring details of trail and shortcut to the juicy part’s. Highlight was the jiggly wiggly fun of getting a jello shot at Fredrick street park, first beer check. Second was at a dock nearest Crow’s Nest restaurant. Religion: we gathered in the parking lot near Pacific Edge climbing gym. RA was Vince van blow me, Occasion Rapist (Occ. Rap.) was the beer fairy chick. Before the cops broke up the party….
This hash produced several milestones! One-Banana missed this hash so Puff TMDG (by the way Puff likes Dragon’s that’s how he came about being named), is now in the top for running the most SCH3 hashes! Then there’s Swiss Army Cock whom hared first time in his hash life. Hairy Potter got down down for his 150th hash this night. For their initiation bit the 6 virgins of which sang stupid songs we all heard before. Virgin TJ bored us with a Cardinal joke, when all the harriette’s wanted was to be shown “one cock will do us”. Then the naming of Just Dan, how many times have we tried to name this fool?Finally the hasher’s decided on Slo Nad, it was a perfect fit! Some hasher comments of the harriette virgins I heard we’re; Gwendolyn: her outfit was so tight her belly button protruded like the stem on a pumkin. Tuala: upon her arrival @ SBB for on-on-on she began taking her clothes off like a stripper late to a bachelor party! Stephanie: she stood quitely and staring during religion like a jew visiting the holocaust museum @ Auschwitz. Erika: her mouth feel open so widely @ songs crooned during religion Puff wanted to toss in a penny to make a wish! and the fuckin’ Hares!!!

And so the story goes…..move over once,  move over twice come on baby, 609 will go down in hasher history!!

On On and On….Occ. Rap!!

Map to trail as done by dBASED

I’ve been told that hashers are all a bunch of losers, low lifes and degenerates, that have nothing better to do than sit in dive bars and drink beer.  It warms my heart to think that our unlikely group of misfits can do something charitable once in a while.  Because of Toys For Tots, there will be a lot of really happy kids on Christmas morning.  A lot of families are struggling to put food on the table this year and can’t afford to buy Christmas gifts for their kids.   So thanks to everyone who showed up this week and for donating a truckload of toys!

This week’s Hare was Timmy!!!   The pack assembled at The Crape Place.  On a map, this trail looks like a wild goose chase.  It made me dizzy just writing it down.  Circle up was in the parking lot behind Jerry’s Sports, introductions were made and the pack was off.  Flour was spotted on the other side of Soquel Ave, so the pack crossed the street.  FRB’s dBASED and Hot Wheels, took off and left the pack in the dust (as usual).  We followed the trail down Seabright, solved a check and went left on Water St.  The pack crossed Water St and headed down Stanford Ave, solved the check on the corner and went left on Keystone Ave.  The trail went Right on Poplar, down an alley to Melrose, then back out to Morrisey Ave.  We crossed Soquel Ave headed down South Morrissey,  right on Gault, left on Darwin, right on Broadway, then left on Seabright, right on Effey, left on Cayuga, left on Windsor, left on Caledonia, right on Windham, right on Ocean View, and back to Soquel.  We crossed Soquel (for the third time), to find  the beer check in the parking lot behind Ristorante Italiano.

Religion was held at Puff’s house.  Accuprick was RA and appointed My Little Bony his Beer Fairy.  First to be called up were the Non-Runners who did not do trail.  Wicked
Retahted, Banana, and My Little Bony, said they were cold, so they cozied up on bar stools at the 007.  Duhhh worked late and got stuck in traffic on the dreaded Highway 17.  Hugh Heifer was ridiculed for tripping over a crack in the sidewalk and falling somewhere along the way.  Possibly on Cayuga.  Hairy Potter and Hairy Fuck 2.5 did a down down for being part of the Hairy family.  Canadian Penny Slut was punished for being a back slider.  Cuff My Muff divulged to the pack that her leaky nipples are lactating beer.  We heard how My Little Bony gave Puff a $20 and received $21 in change.  Bony was honest enough to give it back to him.  Another hasher would’ve kept it and bought a round of shots.  Accuprick brought out something that was supposed to be a “toy for twats”.  It was a blue thing that
looked more like a billy club than a sex toy.  The only harriette that seemed intrigued by it was Hugh Heifer.  It came with a big book of directions.  Maybe she can figure out what it does.  If not, she can leave it in her car to fend off potential muggers.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Neither the blustery December winds, or the thought of Banana Basher being Hare, deterred the pack from assembling at the Jury Room for our weekly hash.  Appears the staff at the Jury Room do not have a calendar, because they still had Their Halloween decorations up.  Accuprick stood outside the bar trying to collect a cover charge from unsuspecting patrons.  He used the excuse that he didn’t like being inside a bar with smokers.  Can’t blame him there.  TIMMY gave Shallow Hole slack for not coming to last week’s hash.  Puff, Hugh Heifer, Wicked Retahted and Shallow Hole told tales of their misadventures at North South.  Puff and Hugh reminisce about their weekend being roommates.  All laugh at the story of Shallow Hole falling into a creek with her cell phone.  Then she tells the miracle of how her i Phone came back to life after 3 days in a bag of rice.  Cuff My Muff, Occasional Rapist, Dbased and Nipple Butt arrived and joined in the merriment.  Nipple Butt had some words with a big black dog at the bar, but became friends when they found Puff with the treats.  A brief appearance was made by Just Dan.  He told the pack that he was meeting a friend for dinner and scurried off without having a beer.  Probably ran off because he was afraid of being named.  The last stragglers, Princess Diarrhea and Thmp-Thmp, showed up right before circle up.

Continue reading Hash 607 – The Full Monty Hash →