Trail 832 brought coast-side Surf City hashers over the hill and through the woods to inland Los Gatos for a joint with FHAC-U. Don’t get too excited if you missed it, we didn’t all smoke the peace pipe together, we simply drank, searched and ate together. The event was hosted at the home of FHAC-U’s Worm, who will likely never invite us again if he’s smart.

Trail was concocted by Surf City’s Accuprick and FHAC-U’s Drint-N-Squirt and was nothing more than a wiggly figure 8. Trail immediately went downhill, both figuratively and literally. As we were going downhill I literally said “Car Back” to dBASED and another hasher at least 6 times. They were so engrossed in conversation I had to run by them saying “there is still a car behind you” to get their attention. I don’t think it was my words that got their attention more than it was that I was passing them. This whole time, I thought it was only my husband that never hears a word I say.

We dropped down by a school and took a trail behind the field over into the neighborhoods behind downtown before hitting our first bar stop, The Black Watch where we all received a personal kamikaze. If you don’t know about The Black Watch, they are famous for their pitchers of kamikazes and it’s a cool, dirty bar with some dart boards in the back. After ruining ever mortal’s life with an absolutely horrible version of the 12 Days of Hashing we set out on trail again.

Trail took us right down the middle of downtown Los Gatos where Surf City hashers drunkenly ran the streets singing Shallow Hole’s “we don’t care” because we don’t live there and don’t know anyone! Our hares crossed back over their trail and took us for a pint at Carry Nation’s. With all this alcohol flowing shit is a little hazy but I’m pretty sure we sang Today is Monday before leaving these mortals stunned and repulsed.

The whole gang reconvened at Worm’s and started feasting in on the food everyone brought for the potluck. There was seriously so much food and I for one left with a slightly rounder tummy.

The hit of the evening was the gift exchange. If you weren’t there I’m sure you can imagine the plethora of dick, tit and ass themed presents brought by hashers. The gift that stole the show though, was the cock painted by PCL which went home with Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef. I cannot even begin to describe it in words, so thank goodness for Puff and his trusty camera.

On-On, may the hash go in peace

This week the hash really had balls! Lots and lots of balls!

Balls for the children to kick and juggle! The annual toys for tots was upon us and the hares, Summer’s yeast, Stub Rub and Fifth hole got the party started at JJ’s where Finger Nips was sharing her willie warmers with the crowd, in this cold weather I hope they can handle the shrinkage!

After some drinks and some group pictures that even managed to get the elusive Puff who stays behind the camera, we wandered over to Redz and dropped off the toys. Then trail really started, leading us pretty quickly to a YBF at main and soquel. Once we got back on trail we wandered through a nice neighborhood and had a Liquor Check in the dark forest and we almost ended up in a river! A  hare arrow from Dung Fu looked a lot like “JPF” and we thought Just Foot Pussy forgot his own name (not entirely surprising). We carried on through neighborhoods before finally making it back to Redz where the party really got started!

Shout out to Summers Yeast for letting us do beer check and religion in her salon and tarnish the fine establishment! The cheese, crackers and various other snacks were great!

Religion was a shit show. Poor dung-fu could not quiet our loud asses!

Shady Curtains was our beer fairy since he is leaving to Narnia soon *insert going back into the closet joke here*  and we will miss him dearly! Hugh Heifer got a down down for abandoning her coat in a bowling alley at North-South but she will get it back in due time. Ho to Housewife and Dog Breath were given down downs for playing in puddles.

We also had a Virgin! Virgin Phil who Accuprick picked up at JJ’s, a fellow rugby player. He fit right in with his song knowledge, turns out Rugby playing and hashing go hand in hand! He also reminded me of the awful performance given by Russel Crowe in Les Miserables the movie. We also discovered he lost his virginity in an el camino. Virgin Phil also serenaded Wicked Rehtaded and the other lazy bastards who didn’t run trail!

Just Foot Pussy bled on trail and

Fifth hole also earned her first Haring patch!

Dbased got his 669th hash (Get a life!) and Cumfart Zone hit the 25 mark! On-after happened was at Tampico’s and it appears some willie warmer modeling happened. Fhac U is next week and I am sad I will not be seeing you hashers until next year! Happy Fucking Holidaze Wankers!

On-on!

Pussy Wood

Well seeing as everyone seemed to be under the weather from a variety of hypothesized causes: Wicked’s blunt? The chip bowl at AGM? Sharing drinks and god knows what other personal items? It was only fitting we should have a keg of “Weather Pattern” from Discretion at the start (which we tapped by beer check).

An attempt was made at having half minds bring their own cup. I tried to remind myself and sadly fell amongst the group that completely forgot, which was quite a few. We started at Ocean View Park with Cheek n Dong visiting from Slut H3 and our very own Fap Jack as the hares. I think the overwhelming theme of the trail was “YBF”. Things slid down the hill from the start in a playground (YBF#1) and under the bridge amongst a plethora of hobos (YBF#2) who actually had some kind words of encouragement. Dung-fu, Rat Pussy and I decided to stop with the FRB shit for a minute and enjoy a playground on trail.

I may have kept Dung-Fu from fathering children (you’re welcome humanity) by getting off the see-saw first and giving him a bit of a slam in the balls, sorry! Quickly after that there was YBF #3 by the boardwalk. We made it across the train track bridge near the boardwalk onto east cliff and after solving a check on seabright followed our way onto the beach. We then quickly went back up and had our beer check at point loma and then over to the santa cruz museum amphitheatre for religion. I was Beer Fairy for the first time! The first wankers to drink were those that didn’t get sick followed by my down-down for slamming dung-fu’s balls complete with a re-enactment of the entire scene. Complaints from AGM included PCL and FapJack’s sobriety (sad!) and FapJack cursing Fingernips pipe (also sad). Occasional Rapist and Pedofiddler were amongst the many to get words of encouragement from the hobos under the San Lorenzo river bridges and courtesy flush got a down-down for backsliding, what is new? The hares then proceeded to drink for the obnoxious amount of YBF’s and just for being hares.

Frankly I missed how things wound up going from there to an agreement that chef’s should drink and finally that lesbian’s needed a down down (of which there are MANY in the hash, more than I previously thought that’s for sure!). Cumfart Zone finally gave a sad attempt to explain how you tickle the prostate with her voice nearly gone so we cut that short. And on that note, the pack finally made it’s way over to Seabright for (mediocre) food and drink at on-after. Hopefully people are feeling better by this weekend for the variety of hash festivities!

On-on,

Pussy Wood

Trail 829 was held on a Friday this year, due to Thanksgiving. We all showed up WAY TOO EARLY at The Med in Aptos for a daylight trail. I saw crusty eyes, hungover faces and round bellies all from the day before. Why did we hash so effing early you ask? Because some hash animals were heading down to Paso Robles for North-South, a bi-annual hash event. Wait, does that mean twice a year or every other year? Whatever…. No one reads this shit anyway.

Hares Twisted Fister and Thmp-Thmp took off and the pack soon followed. They started us out on the tracks and then zig-zagging through the neighborshoods before dropping us down on Seacliff Beach by the RVs. There may have been an uncapped false, but I’m not pointing any fingers. Ok, I am… and there WERE uncapped falses. We stayed along the water, dodging tourists before going up the stairs right before crossing the bridge to Rio Del Mar.

Once at the top of the stairs, we were taken almost directly to Casa de Accuprick for beer near where we were fed hot peppers like candy and a little debauchery happened in the shed. If you didn’t make it into the shed, better luck next time asshole. Dog Breath was the only hasher dumb enough to pop a handful of peppers into his mouth, he was gifted an array of habaneros and serranos to light up his mouth, He quickly reached for a beer, but not before he turned bright red and almost puked.

We left Accu’s and headed to religion back behind The Med where our awesome near beer wagon was parked, courtesy of Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy. Since we normally hash in the evenings many of us had not seen, or noticed our old-school beer-mobile. Every hasher wanted to take their picture with that beast. Thank GOODNESS California does a smog check, I bet that thing barely passed!

Down-downs were given for stupid acts on trail. Of course, Dog Breath was awarded one for his pepper eating. We kept him up there for another down down for his 250th hash and he shared the spot light with PCL who celebrated her 150th Surf City hash. We also had two visitors, LCD PoundFist’em and Just Zach, from Portland, Maine.

A bunch of half-minds were in a hurry to get down south for the tapping of the kegs so we wrapped it up and sent them on their way.