This week’s hash started at the Crepe Place.  Thmp-Thmp and Twisted Fister were the hares this week.  The rain had finally stopped and it was a nice night for a hash.  I was driving to the bar, and was stopped at a light on Soquel Ave.  I saw this guy strutting down the street in a white skin tight long sleeve running shirt and very short, shorts.  He went into the Crepe Place.  I thought to myself “WTF?  Is that guy a hasher?”  When I arrived at the bar, I realized it was Just Frank.   I hoped the trail would be short for his sake because he was at risk of some serious nipple chaffing!  My Little Bony made a rare appearance.  He stopped by the bar on his way to work.  I got nervous when I saw TIMMY!!! walking around with a full martini glass.  He did not have his TIMMY!!! Tippy Cup and doesn’t have a good track record with delicate stemware.  I heard a crash from behind the bar, but it was a false alarm.  The bartender broke something, not TIMMY!!!.

Trail started out by jaywalking across Soquel Avenue to the alley across the street.  The pack was trying to solve a check when these 2 guys came out of their house.  At first I thought they were going to hassle us for yelling outside their house.  Instead they said they were from Uncommon Brewers and offered us a beer tasting of their Bacon Brown Ale!  How cool is that?  Sorry vegetarians, but it was pretty tasty.   I think they deserve a shameless butt plug for that.  Check them out at:  www.uncommonbrewers.com.  The check was solved and the pack headed to N. Branciforte Ave.  There was another check and dBASED yelled on on, so we went across Soquel Ave.  We ran around that neighborhood for a while, until we got to a liquor check in a little park on Fairmount.  After that, trail lead back down to Soquel Ave.  We were near a car dealership, Jiffy Lube and Walgreens.  Then things went to shit.  There was a check on Soquel  Ave that no one was able to solve.  dBASED found a false trail in one direction, but no flour was found anywhere else.  dBASED, Dung Fu Grip and I ran around searching in every direction possible, looked in parking lots, went several blocks on both sides of the street, but couldn’t find flour.  Most of the pack gave up and went back to Casa di Puff and Dung Fu.  Dung Fu and I kept searching, so we headed down to Arena Gulch.  No flour to be found.  We thought beer check might be in Fredrick Street Park, so we went through the gulch, through the harbor and up the stairs to Fredrick St Park.  Going through the harbor was cool.  A bunch of boats were lit up with Christmas lights.  When no beer check was found, we ran to religion.   Apparently the only hashers who made it to beer check were the walkers accompanying Princess Di (arrhea).  They got tipped off where beer check was.

Religion was at Casa di Puff and Dung Fu.  The Hares showed up dragging their cooler in defeat.  We’re a bunch of Halfminds. Don’t make trail too difficult or we’re going to get lost.   Dung Fu was RA and appointed Just Frank as Beer Fairy.  First down down was for the hashers who made it to beer check.  Princess Di (arrhea), Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch!  Fap Jack spilled his first beer, so he got a second down down for insurance.  TIMMY!!! was called up for not bringing hash dinner again!  Some of us had a long trail (6.4 miles to be exact) and were starving.  We knew we couldn’t raid Puff’s refrigerator.  Not much in there.  I checked.   Hugh Heifer offered to “train” the new Beer Meister, but he didn’t think it was necessary.  He gave some lame excuse how chips weren’t healthy.  LOL.  Don’t forget the chips!  We’re counting on you!  Hooker on Kronix, Bitch!  was called up for doing a Sanford & Son impression.  Who even remembers that show?  Fingernips presented Dung Fu with a gift.  A Detroit Motown Hash hat.  Dung Fu said it was his second mother hash and was pretty psyched.  Wicked Retahted, Banana Basher and Accuprick drank for not doing trail.   They went to the Double O to watch hockey.  Twisted Fister celebrated his 75^th Hash Analversary.  Get a life!  Backsliders Six of Nine, Fingernips and Princess Di(arrhea) drank.  And last but not least, the Hares………………………….

This week’s hash on Thursday December 11^th will be our Anal Toys for Tots Hash!  The start location will be at JJ’s Bar, 4714 Soquel Drive in Soquel Village.  Hares will be Summer’s Yeast and Stub Rub.  Bring one or more unwrapped toys.   Even if you’re a Scrooge and don’t like kids or Christmas, or if you don’t want to do trail, stop by and drop off a donation anyway.  It won’t kill you to do something nice.  There are a lot of needy kids in our community who could use a little Christmas cheer.  It’s not their fault they’re poor.  Right?  Like Banana Basher said, Surf City does these charity events as a cover, so the community thinks we’re a “legit” running club, and not just a bunch of degenerate drunks.  So let’s keep up appearances and donate a lot of toys this year!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 773 started at Beer Thirty, which was nice enough to open up their doors 30 minutes early for us hashers who couldn’t wait until noon to get their beer on.

First order of business as a usual hash is to pay the man, unless of course he forgets all about the money he owes you! Puff is getting pretty forgetful and forgot my hash cash from the week before. A very backwards situation here where the man who usually collects the money owes the ho money. I might need to get Puff a fancy pimp hat!

After getting a beer it was mingling time and I immediately stumbled upon a conversation where Summer’s Yeast was calling out her (first) husband, Stub Rub, for beastiality with their dog. Yes folks, you read that right! Stub Rub tried to convince us he was just giving the dog a bath and it just got too excited but we weren’t believing any of it. Notice the hand gesture he is using in the photo above to describe what happened. Twisted Fister was getting a little nervous the Virgins were going to be scared off by this conversation but after what we saw at religion from one of these virgins I’m not sure much would put them off. Even Thmp-Thmp tried to confuse them with Chalk Talk, but they stuck around!

After that conversation everyone was ready to circle up and head out on trail. We were promised shopping on trail, which I never found. I guess that’s not a bad thing since Puff forgot my money 🙂 You know there’s interest on that, right Puff?

One thing that all the hashers DID find was the shittily located YBF up a hill next to highway 1. All of us half-minds climbed the side of the hill and ducked under the cyclone fence only to be told “turn around suckers”, which we tried to quickly do before the PO PO spotted us on the side of the freeway. Drivers seemed to be locked into their destination of Black Friday shopping so we got very few honks and waves, despite our behavior.

Thankfully the hares kindly put the LC a short distance away from the YBF, so we quickly forgot about the YBF and swapped spit like it’s not the middle of cold and flu season. We were filled with Fireball, which we hypothesized would kill any germs. News guys, this didn’t work and I am now sick!

We eventually descended into the Safeway parking lot on Bay and started heading back towards out start location. There were a few of us that weren’t that familiar with the area as FRB’s; visitors Little Dick Arnold & Just Robbed and myself. We soon found ourselves an arrow pointing us what I believe was Hill St and so the three of us go dashing to the top, only to realize we are back on the original trail. We ran back down to Bay & mysteriously a HUGE true trail arrow has appeared where it wasn’t before, leading us to beer check. The hares won’t admit it but I’m sure they heard us coming & hid until we passed. Sneaky sneaky little hares!

Timmy!!! stood in as RA since Accu and Dung Fu were nowhere to be found and elected Arabian Goggler as his loyal beer fairy. Worm was quickly called out for being a racist & given a down-down with a less than enthusiastic song to go along. I’m not sure what was wrong with our vocal chords, but it seems they were all defunct after a day for binging and drinking the day before. Has so much gluttony consumed the other half of our minds? Quite possibly so!

We had a few visitors to pay dis-honor to as well. Just Robbed, the LAH3 GM, Litle Dick Arnold out of Can’d and Just John from Shenandoah.Valley. It had been like 25 years since Just John’s first hash, he struggled with the impending addiction for 25 years before finally giving in again

Next order of bid-ness was to get those virgins up in front of us. Just Foot Pussy made them both cum (nice one!), although Virgin Brian tried to convince us that he made himself cum! First we targeted Virgin Cody, who I’m pretty sure told a joke, or maybe it was a song? I can’t seem to get it straight since all I can remember is Virgin Brian’s introduction to us. He told us he was going to sign a song. Now, this is a song not everyone has heard but was easy to sing along to as the only lyrics were “Cowboy Butt Sex”, sang randomly as he performed drills of jumping jacks and push ups for us. I believe we got a joke, a song and a flash out of Virgin Brian. I later heard Thmp-Thmp tell him that if he gives us $24 we will name him now. I don’t think it would take very long to figure out this guy’s name 🙂

We had some honoring to do (if that’s what you call it). OccasionaL Rapist was awarded for her 175th hash and Timmy!!! for his 450th hash! Get a life guys! On the note of analversaries, I would like to make a correction to one of my earlier scribes. I mis-reported Pink Cherry Licker (liquor) as completing her 25th hash (which I should have known seemed incorrect), when she was truly celebrating her 25th consecutive hash. More of my errors are coming…

Timmy!!! Next called for crimes on trail for which I immediately tried to call out Little Dick Arnold for peeing on trail, which apparently isn’t a crime! My bad! As the pack starts to sing me “El Camino” for my down-down of stupidity, Just Foot Pussy loudly sings the words wrong and is invited to come drink a down-down with me 🙂

We finally named Just Cairra! If you remember, we tried to name her at a previous hash, but were too brain-dead to come up with anything and tabled it…. for several weeks. Alas, Just Cairra returned! She said something about not being able to cum for so long because of her job…. sounds like an unhealthy work environment girl! After a little interogation PCL took her away and we threw out some good names but it was quickly narrowed down to ‘Liquor Creek’ due to her job & living location and ‘project Cumway’ due to her liking to get it on down on the runway! The pack went with Project Cumway.

And the hares! Occasional Rapist and Cuff My Muff were taunted for trail being too bright, not enough shopping and hiding from the FRB’s but that didn’t stop them from gloating & looking at us like the pathetic group of complainers we are (photo proof above).

Once all matters were attended to, the pack went back to Beer Thirty for On On On were shit got political before moving the party to a fry-fest at Just Foot Pussy & Bacon Queef’s house.

On On,

Ho to Housewife

Hares Dung Fu and Ho to Housewife are transplants from lands further east and still have a lot to learn about tide and oceanography from what we learned on this trail, or maybe they didn’t even lay trail – we’ll never know. Hashers wandered aimlessly trying to figure out where they were and where they were going, which might have been what the hares were doing too from the looks of this trail.

It all started at Coasters Bar and Grill at the Boardwalk Bowl. The rain didn’t stop this group of hashers who probably had nothing better to do anyway. These half-minds eyed the dry, warm karaoke stage as they drank up some stamina for a wet and what everyone thought might be an arduous trail with the typically oblivious Dung Fu and Ho to Housewife leading the way. Tits & Game was passing her own secret sauce under the table, which everyone wanted a sample of, of course. Accuprick bragged about an upcoming hot date as he muttered from table to table, “goin crabbin in the morning” and hoped anyone was listening.

Co-GM ThmpThmp finally circled the hashers up while rain pelted these (many) delicate hashers, most of them wouldn’t make it more than a half mile before turning back to the bar to wait it out until religion.

Still, the Hashers now wet & ready took off.

Trail started in front of the Boardwalk and it looked like things were starting off well when an LC greeted hashers right off the bat just before heading out to the beach. The spiced rum warmed hashers up as they headed on out. Now remember, it was raining, dark, and we’re talking about a trail laid on a beach. Trail was found close to the waterline and only one hasher braved the river in search of trail on the other side. The rest ran further down the beach. There was quicksand on trail and ThmpThmp was nearly lost until some fellow hashers pulled him through, which probably shocked him (as it should).

Wandering the beach looking for trail that couldn’t be found, dBASED appeared from who knows where (as usual) and told Stub Rub, ThmTmp, and Twisted Fister, “I think we should go back.” Of course no one listened, but everyone knew that if dBASED is telling hashers to go back then things are pretty bad. Hashers scattered in all directions trying to find trail. There were rumors about trail on the other side of the river, on the trestle, in the beach flats, and a washed away YBF. No one knows because no one could find it. There was probably a man clicking a button somewhere that no one found either. “Are You?…Lost is what we are” became common call and response on this night.

At this point, most hashers were back at the bar reading over the song list and trying to stay upright on their bar stools.

Shallow Hole, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, and Just Frank left the pack and found trail on the other side of the trestle, in Seabright, and down the river levee where they found a false. Puff found an arrow by Mobo’s Sushi and nothing else after so they gave up and walked to religion. They were walking in Beach Hill and Timmy! drove by in his truck and told them where the new religion was held.

Meanwhile, ThmpThmp, Twisted Fister, Stub Rub and me, Cock Throbbin, wandered around the Beach Flats looking for trail with no success. ThmpTmp thought the moon might guide him since it was his time of the month. We think it’s always his “time” so we just nodded and followed along.

Stub Rub decided it was time to stop messing around and called in some favors, putting security on the hares. Telling then, “they gotta bag & it is NOT flour, just ask them how tide works and you’ll see they’ve lost their minds.” There were votes being cast for worst trail.

The rain started up again and these half minds gave up. There was no trail in sight and it was time to make our way to beer check, which hashers guessed might be under the train trestle by the Dream Inn. I left these wankers there walking the levee to get out of the rain that much faster and as I made my way to beer check, snared a hare! It appears there really was a trail laid and they weren’t just seeking shelter somewhere laughing down on us all.

Hashers slowly wandered into beer check with a fancy vegan buffet that helped everyone forget this disaster of a trail, at least until religion started. Ho to Housewife kept asking if anyone was allergic to nuts, but everyone was a BIG fan of nuts in this group. Tits & Game told everyone to start smearing. A charming group of trestlers, who no one had noticed sharing our shelter from the storm, confused us for nice hippy folk and approached the hashers with an offer of cheap hemp bracelets. Hashers responded by breaking into song. Just Foot Pussy compared rashes with Dung Fu and won…leave it to hashers to proudly compete for best rashes. Who knows where they got ’em and no one is asking.

Religion started in the same place since there was no other shelter to be found. Led by Religious Advisor Accuprick who asked for a volunteer beer fairy, but the only service hashers know is being serviced. So Twisted Fister was selected as the pretty beer fairy for the evening.

Religion started with what was on everyone’s minds. “Anyone who did the whole true trail come up.” Big shocker, only the hares approached and were given a down down. The major crime on trail was that there was no trail.

Six Hashers went from LC to the bar…not including who was still at the bar, of course.

CheekNDong was visiting from SLUT and invited hashers to crash at his place for a future SLUT hash. Hashers have been forewarned. He was called for hat at religion and given a down down.

Courtesy Flush was called for courtesy on trail for saving a fish washed up on the beach. Ho to Housewife, the vegan, said “that’s so cute” while the rest of the hashers asked “can anyone save my fish?” Courtesy Flush was renamed, CourteFishy Flush for the evening.

Grocho Cocks was called out for peeing in circle and forgot his own name when he was called up and given a down down that he probably doesn’t remember.

Shallow was called out for her rock hard ass that hashers asked to see again and again.

Bacon Queef and Tits & Game were called up for the crime of swapping on trail. Bacon Queef gagged on her own name as she told hashers what happened then finally swallowed and confessed that Tits & Game traded her socks when she complained about chaffing on trail.

Many government names were spoken on trail and Stub Rub, Just Foot Pussy, Twisted Fister were given down downs for those crimes.

There was a Hare Snare that Cock Throbbin was given a down down for.

Hares Dung Fu & Ho to Housewife were called up one last time for what just might be the worst trail this year and given a down down.

Hashers went back to Coasters Bar and Grill for On-On-On. Where Puff the Magic Drag Queen & Cock Throbbin threatened to duet Islands in The Stream but Puff ran away before that could happen. Just Foot Pussy represented hashers, dominating the karaoke stage with Bon Jovi Wanted Dead or Alive and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch dominated the dance floor. That was the end of this hash that may still be going on somewhere, we’ll never know since we never really found it.

On on!
Cock Throbbin’

Hash 771 brought tears to our eyes, blood to our skin and fright to our spirits, but no smiles to our faces!

We met at The Blue in Seabright, which some of you may remember as the place we re-located to after Thmp-Thmp failed to coerce the POPO into letting us stay at the Museum of Natural History park. I guess age changes everything, as he somehow got Princess to marry him years ago.

The bar was full of hashers, literally, we were the only ones there. Our bartender was on a break from his nation-wide Phish phollowing and I’m sure was glad to see us and make a little bit of money on a lonely Thursday night. Seems he was working a side job to cover his financial shortages as there was a large delivery of happy birthday balloons while we were there. Nitrous anyone?

While mingling I met a few new(ish) faces. We had the return of Just Randy, a joyous fellow who apparently did his first hash in flip flops. He decided to tone it down a bit last week and went fashion forward in some nifty hiking boots. Let me tell you though, I think this guy would have a great time no matter what he is doing or wearing. We also had two visitors join us. Wino joined us from The Hague Hash (Den Haag) and also Mr Wiggley from the Can’d Hash. I didn’t see Wino much on trail, I suspect he took a couple wine breaks with some of the local SC homeless crowds. Mr Wiggley was an FRB for most of trail, helping us solve checks… or was he? Once the mingling was done the pack circled up then took off on trail to hunt down hares Thmp-Thmp & Twisted Fister.

Trail seemed to be all fine and dandy, even with the rain the night before, until you had checks that led you into long, dirt alleys and were quite spooky. I was trying to solve one check and was so spooked I may have called it quits a bit early on the search and sprinted back to the pack. All worked out and I left the alley checks to braver souls. This ended up being a bad idea as Dung Fu was certain he solved a check and convinced us all to follow him. I saw him paused down at the bottom of the harbor watching myself and Shallow Hole come down, I thought this was the Hariette check hares Thmp-Thmp & Twisted Fister told us about before laying trail. Nope! It was a YBF! Dung Fu said everything on the hash is a team effort so he wanted us to have a full experience by running down then right back up the hill. Thanks Dung Fu, we appreciate you being a team player!

We did finally find the Hariette check, and it was solved by none other than our most notorious racist of all, Shallow Hole. dBASED did try to speed things up a bit and I think I saw him trying to fashion his long sleeve shirt into a running skirt to help solve this check. Thanks for going down that alley for me, Shallow, you are a brave woman!

As trail wrapped up we were running through a quiet little Seabright neighborhood and heard a man yelling out from his house “trail goes through Oceanview Park”, no idea who this man was but I’m glad we didn’t listen to him too much as I don’t recall trail ever passing through there. I think this was a clever plant by our hares to buy themselves some more time. Sorry guys!

Finally, we rounded the corner to beer check. I’m still not sure who’s house we were at and for the majority of our visit I thought it was Casa de Puff. Someone may have made a comment about a previous hasher, Drop N’ Blow Me, setting up this beer near location. For those who don’t know it, and to keep my ramblings as short as possible, I will let you find out those stories on your own.

After downing our beers we then progressed on over to Casa de Puff, who shares his home with Dung Fu and Sascha the cat.

As soon as we arrived at Puff’s the stoner crowd quickly took off for the garage and could be seen huddling around one another. What a loving little group 🙂 First order of business was choosing beer fairy and once again it was Just Foot Pussy. Am I seeing a trend here? That tiara is starting to look like normal attire on this guy, very fancy.

Those of us who made it to AGM were gifted “blow me” whistles on a convenient lanyard by Princess & Thmp-Thmp, so there was no excuse for not having one this week. Those who didn’t have them were brought up and given their down-downs. The guilty included Fucked Over Fest, Occasional Rapist, Wino, Wicked, Dung Fu, Mr Wiggley & The Human Pube. If you didn’t get one at AGM I believe they are selling them for $5 a pop. Just Randy was first in line to get his whistle, although I don’t think this man would mind getting called up for a down-down 🙂

Our guests had a little treat for us, Mr Wiggley told us a joke about a blind prostitute and Wino had us join him in singing ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’. Dung Fu tried to welcome them with his own song and all he got back from the pack were distorted, blank faces. That was a pretty shitty song.

Next up was breaking in our fresh blood, Virgin John, who sleeps with Just Foot Pussy. We weren’t sure where Bacon Queef fit into this equation and she wasn’t there to tell us herself so we have all made up our version of the truth in our heads. He told us a funny little joke which touted his 10 inch weenie. Ummm, why not the flash then? This man is all bark and no bite! I did run into him the next day at Salsa’s in Scotts Valley, turns out he is a vegetarian but I was of course very pleased to hear him ordering a vegan lunch 🙂 He says he will be back this week, let’s see if he’s a liar or not 🙂

Lots of crimes on trail it seems! Dog Breath and Cumcerto were brought up to tell us the story of the mud wrestling they did on the railroad tracks. I don’t think Cumcerto will be wearing white to another hash anytime soon, at least not when Dog Breath is present. You know how dirty those dogs get!

Turns out Wicked wasn’t present for his Biggest Wanker award the week before so he received it this week. Thanks for sticking around with us Wicked, I know you probably left AGM because you are way to refined for us once we start drinking 🙂

Shallow Hole was called out for texting Thmp-Thmp about trail distance. That racist woman needs to get all her miles in, at any cost. Dung Fu tried to race down a car full of hashers and went splat on the sidewalk when he didn’t see a driveway dip. He seems to be healing just fine. As we were singing a nice, clean hash song to them a little girl came out from the neighbor’s house. I heard Puff praying that she would not go to school singing the new songs she learned that night. This is Santa Cruz, she could probably teach us a song or two.

Just Foot Pussy is still recovering from his motorcycle crash and was grabbing his ass the entire way on trail. I ran past him at one point and he said he was going to catch up. Not this week Foot Pussy, not this week, but you get an F for effort.

There were two special analversaries, Fap Jack celebrated his 50th hash and Pink Cherry Licker (who prefers to be called Pink Cherry Liquor) celebrated her 25th hash. Wonder what they did to celebrate when they got home? Let’s not forget that Fap Jack got called out by the pack for using technology on trail and giving directions to PCL.

TIMMY!!! was celebrated as the new beermesiter, Hugh is very happy with her retirement from the position after 3-5 years of amazing service. No one really knew how long she had been doing it, half-minds!

Last order of bid-ness were a few annoucements! dBASED and Occasional Rapist will be haring the Can’d hash this weekend, Nov 22nd in Ft Ord. They touted that it would be only $5 and there would be lots of titties. What a deal!

This week, trail will start at Coaster’s Bar & Grill across from the Boardwalk (this is the bar inside the bowling alley). Be warned that you WILL need a flashlight, it’s seriously in your best interest. Forecast also predicts rain. Come prepared for a trail laid by Dung Fu & yours truly.

On On,

Ho to Housewife

Happy New Year Wankers!  Goodbye to year 13 and hello to the 14^th year of Surf City H3!  The festivities were held at El Palomar.  They put us degenerates in a small room off to the side so we wouldn’t bother anyone.

Oh the mammories. ………   Year 13 was a great year!  Wasn’t it?  Thanks to all of Mismanagement and especially to our GM Royal Couple Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp for all their hard work.  Dealing with a bunch of drunken hashers is like herding cats.  Thmp-Thmp successfully intervened on our behalf and asked cops and security guards (nicely) not to bust us.  Remember the anthrax scare up at UCSC?  In case you were too inebriated to remember, the beer was flowing, the trails were shitty, and we added a bunch of new Wankers to the kennel.   dBASED and Dung Fu Grip tried to “out shiggy” each other with their trails.  We toured multiple tunnels, drainage ditches, streams, homeless encampments, and other precarious places.  We had some interesting themed hashes this year.  Aside from the usual Halloweenie Costume Hash, Toys for Tots and Pirate Hash, we had a first ever Krampus Hash, Big Lebowski Hash, Bike Hash, and a Dressed to the (sixty) 9’s Hash.   Surf City H3 put on some great events this year.  The Red Dress Run and Wharf to Barf were fucking awesome!  Sloshed Ball returned after 5 year hiatus.  We beat the crap out of Team Simon G String (again)!   Fuck Ya!  Even with the athletic young studs they recruited for their team!   Surf City Hashers took the party on the road and attended numerous events this year, such as North South Intercourse, Betty Ford, Bay to Blackout, and Red Dress Runs in Monterey, Silicone Valley, San Francisco, San Diego, SLO and Las Vegas!  We lost the hippy several times, but found her again.  Next time we’re using a leash.

The evening started out with trail # 770.  Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp were Hares.  There was a trail?  What trail?  Yes, it was short.  It was less than 1 mile, and lead us to The Red Room for a liquor check.  Everybody got potent but tasty shots of some sort of hard liquor, before walking to Oswald’s parking garage for Religion.  Accuprick was RA, and Vince Lamblowme was Beer Fairy.  Dog Breath got a down down for being the whore of the hash.  What do you expect from a dog in heat?  Visitors, No film and Shady Curtains were welcomed to the hash.  Hooker on Kronix, Bitch drank for being a backslider.  Groucho Cocks complained trail wasn’t long enough.  Old timers, Banana Basher, dBASED, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, and Dog Breath drank for being at the first ever Surf City H3 AGM.  Next were analversaries.  Twat Did You Say? celebrated her 69^th , Broke Bench Mountain celebrated his 225^th and Hugh Heifer celebrated her 350^th Surf City hash!  Get a life!  And the Hares……………….

Hashers stumbled back to El Palomar for a face feed, more booze, and the erection results.  Ballot counting seemed to take forever.  Hashers started to get restless and started a tortilla chip food fight (that I may or may not have been part of).   Things got a little out of control when Broke bench Mountain started lighting chis on fire.  Who knew those things could burn?  Grandpa Banana Basher and senile citizen TIMMY!!! scolded the immature drunks for their behavior.

Next were the awards:

New hashers named this year were called up for a down down:  Groucho Cocks, Just Foot Pussy, Beer Queef, Electric Labia Land, Hooker on Kronix, Ho to Housewife, Cock throbbin’, Summers Yeast and Stub Rub

Hugh Heifer:  Retiring after 5 years of Beer Meister.  She was awarded a gift certificate from Tampico (but who knows whether she will be able to use it since she got kicked out of there during the Wharf to Barf pub crawl).

Year 13 GM’s and Mismanagement were acknowledged with a down down

Banana Basher was recognized as our hash Founder

Erection Results:

And the big wieners from the AGM erection and your Year 14 Mismanagement:

Scribes – Shallow Hole, Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin

RAs – AccuPrick and Dung-Fu Grip

Hare Raiser – Twisted Fister

Co-Haberdashers – FapJack and Pink Cherry Licker

Beer Meister – Timmy!!!

On-Sec – dBASED

Co-GMs – Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea)

Best Trail Award:  Tie between 1)  Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist and Shallow Hole for the Red Dress Trail and 2) Dung Fu Grip and Shallow Hole for the UCSC Twin Gates trail.  Don’t worry Wankers, I won’t get a big head for being nominated twice.  I was also nominated for worst trail too.  Every Hare knows that even the best planned trail can go horribly wrong.  Just means I was involved in “memorable trails”.

The award for stupidest thing done on trail went to Bacon Queef for getting detained by the cops when laying her first trail.

Best Hash Trash:  Pink Cherry Licker’s Toys for Tots trash.  It was a brilliant parody of the Night Before Christmas.

Biggest Wanker- Wicked Retahted

Worst Trail- Phillis Driller

Bring on Year 14!  Looking forward to another year of shitty trails!  Sorry to see my former Co-Scribes, Occasional Rapist and Pink Cherry Licker move on.   But welcome new Co-Scribes, Cock Throbbin’ and Ho to Housewife!  I’m sure they will enjoy dishing out the trash as much as I do.

On On,

Shallow Hole