Monthly Archives: January 2014

Hash Trash #725

Phyllis Driller hared for her first time on this night! At first we thought she was haring alone, but she recruited Thmp Thmp at the last minute. We met at the infamous Cole’s BBQ on Portola/26th Ave. It was a warm Junuary evening.  So sitting outside for a beer was ok. We had 2 virgin’s show up, Ryn (Wicked’s neighbor) and Kenyon, friend of the GM’s. Now Phyliis has been hashing since May 2009, and finally she felt comfortable enough to sign up to hare at last years AGM, way to go Phyllis! Lately we have been having split trails, a Turkey AND an Eagle. Why we need to do this is beyond me. Let’s keep it simple folks! In short, the Turkey trail was (if we ended up at BC when we we’re suppose to ~1.5 miles.), and Eagle ~3 miles. Trail led down 26th to East Cliff where Turkey’s went right and Eagles to the left down East Cliff. What a clear gorgeous night I thought! The view by the beach with a clear starlite sky was beautiful.  We worked our way back to Portola (I was with the Turkey trotter’s) and when we saw our first BN signage over by Ceasar’s Pizza at Portola and 17th Ave. it was ~ 1.26 miles on my GPS, and part of me was a little happy to finally get to BC (then trail led to  shoreline middle school). But this is where it got interesting, we kept walking and walking until we saw yet another BN signage (which turned right away from the school), and then just true hare arrows that continued back to Portola thru neighborhood. Then I saw TIMMY! coming toward’s me down Portola, this is when we suspected we truly missed BC and decided to back track. Sure enough we bumped into Princess Di-arrhea whom explained we needed to go back to Shoreline Middle School to the BC, the HARES we’re late to their own damn BC!! Way to go half minds!. Good tastey cold beer awaited, and many laughs later we then resumed trail to religion which was behind the library on Portola. Cuff my Muff didn’t do trail and decided to let Dung-Fu-Grip play RA for the evening. Dirty Late-Cummer was his beer fairy. Noted was lame joke by Kenyon, and Ryn decided to show us her knee! Hugh Heifer got a down down for 25 consecutive hashes, and Puff for 650 consecutive hashes! GET a life! Amazingly no cops showed up to Religion, so we all then headed back to Cole’s where the pack split up to On On’s (Engfer’s Pizza and or Cole’s).

and the Hare!






This week’s trail will start at The Crepe Place, Puff is Haring!

On On half minds…

Occ. Rap

Hash 726

Details, details, details.

All you REALLY need to know is the start for Hash 726 is the Crepe Place. However, knowing some of you half-minds will find that insufficient, I’ll impart a few other useless details in your direction. It’s going to be cold Thursday night so trail will be short. There is no poison oak encounter planned. Religion will be at Dung-Fu Grip and Puff’s cave but Beer Check will not. Four-legged as well as two-legged hounds are welcome.

That should be enough even for the most simple-minded among you.


Hash Trash # 724, January 9, 2014

724barThis week, Twisted Fister, New Kids on my Cock and Achy Breaky Snatch summoned the pack to Kouboi in Aptos.   Hashers know this place as the old Britannia Arms, which closed and reopened as a sushi place.  Note to self.  Next time order the $3 Japanese beer instead of the 8 ounce glass of Belgian beer for $8.30.  I knew it was a bad sign when I heard that the last time New Kids on my Cock hared a trail was in 2006.  Achy Breaky Snatch was probably sill in elementary school.  Now she’s all growed up and haring her first trail!  Her family must be so proud!   The last time Twisted Fister hared a trail he was stoned.   The Hares said there would be a beer, liquor and a turkey eagle split.

Second Cuming showed up.  Pink Cherry Licker and Just Shane brought Virgin Adam.  He fit in pretty well sporting a moose antler cap.  Despite sightings of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in Aptos this week, they did not show up at the hash.  I heard the idiot got arrested for throwing eggs at his neighbor’s house.   We used to throw eggs and toilet paper the neighbor’s house and never got caught.  The best part is he got caught by his own security cameras.  More proof that you don’t need brains to be in the music business.

The pack was reluctant to leave the bar, but set out looking for flour.   The trail went through the parking lot, past Aptos BBQ, and then the pack found themselves on the railroad tracks.  There was a pretty long stretch of tracks, but we were rewarded with the first liquor check at Princess and Thmp-Thmp’s house.  The Hares left a large bottle of tequila, bag of limes and salt.  After a shot or two, we continued on trail through the golf course.  We ran through some nice neighborhoods, then down to the beach.  Trail continued on the beach, along the sea wall to Rio Del Mar.

724sushiThe pack was treated to a second check, sushi/liquor at Achy Breaky’s house.   Trail continued through Rio del Mar and up Rio del Mar Boulevard to the final check, a beer check under a bridge.  724beercheck

It was a long one!  Occasional Rapist’s GPS said the turkey trail was 4.72 miles!  The Eagle was about 5 1/2 – 6 miles.  I’m not sure, because I was having technical difficulties with my GPS watch.   Some whiners (Puff) complained about getting sand in their shoes.  Let’s have a pity party!   I can think of a lot worse things like getting sand in your privates, stepping in dog shit, or sewer water.  I had a drunk girl throw up on my shoe at a Dead show once.   That really sucked!

724beerfairyReligion was in back of Kaoboi.  Accuprick was RA and named Second Cuming as Beer Fairy.  She said she is back from a 13 year stent in Africa.  A few hashers were called up for bitching and whining about the length of the trail.  Pink Cherry Licker was given a down down for proclaiming she was FRB and “won the hash.”   Cumcerto was called up for saying that “absinthe makes her horny.”  DFL’s Just Shane and Virgin Adam finally showed up in classic hasher fashion, stumbling down the hill each carrying a bottle of liquor.  They got lost and ended up on the eagle trail.  Just Shane made Virgin Adam cum, and he told a lame joke.

724namingIt was Just Shane’s 5th Surf City Hash and he was up for naming.  He used to flip pancakes for a living.  Dung Fu Grip came up with the name Fap Jack.  Fapping is a new term that means the sound made when jerking off.   It’s in the Urban Dictionary.  I checked.  We actually had a second naming.  I’m not sure if this ever happened in Surf City history, but the pack named a Virgin!  Virgin Adam was named Moose Turd Pie.  He was wearing moose antlers and mouthing off too much.  Welcome to the hash!  We’ll see if he ever shows his face again.724moose


If that wasn’t enough excitement for the night, New Kids on my Cock celebrated his 100th Surf City hash!  It only took him 11 fucking years!  Yours truly celebrated her 125th hash.  It only took me 3 years.  My first hash was January 20, 2011.  Memories……  Get a life, get a life, get a life, life, life!

And last but not least, the Hares……………………………………….

On On,

Shallow Hole


Hash #723

11757786513_f034eb619a_b(1)This week started off back over at the West End Tap and Kitchen. TIMMY! And Dung Fu Grip hared. I kinda get the feeling that TIMMY! planned it and Dung Fu acted as the back check bitch.
The trail was ….. dark. We had few more of those numbered back checks, but apparently we’ve learned to count since last week because we were able to find the way this time. We wandered down past Antonelli’s Pond and into Natural Bridges.
Did I mention it was dark? The first li11757846924_60a9301005_bquor check was a bottle of fireball on a foot bridge headed down toward the beach. When it became apparent that the trail headed down to the sand and then back up to the treeline, some hashers thought they could short cut. However, the darkness was concealing a lagoon! The lagoon prevented short cutting, so we all had to trudge through the sand.
Then we headed back up to the road. The more adventurous among us hopped a fence. It was tall and not hooping friendly. The rest of us went around. Then off through the maze that is the Lower West Side. I was glad to have a good group with me when we hit the field at PCS. We all spread out in a line across the field to find the flour. You know, like search parties do when they’re looking for dead bodies.11757560383_d759b00677_b
The second liquor check was down on one of the cliffs, but I didn’t go down. Do you know why? Because every year some asshole gets swept away down there and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for them because there are signs all over the place. I hear it was the apple schnapps that we never found on the Krampus run. I hope you all had fun with that.
We (predictably) ended up at Garfield park. There was beer. We drank it.11758011656_d2a5243452_b
Religion was in the parking lot behind Safeway. We have several new transplants! Little Kahuna joined us, his mother hash is in Maddison. We also had Snapping Twat from Austin. She brought Virgin Jeff. He showed us his ass. We also had Virgin Jamie, she made herself come. She told an absolutely awful joke. Twat got her 50 run patch and taught us some dirty sign language. It was Accu’s birthday (Happy Birthday, fuck you).
We were almost ready to go when someone noticed Puff’s brand new shoes! Shouldn’t he know better by now? I guess he figures it’s a way to get more beer at down downs.


See you at Kauboi!

Pink Cherry Licker




Hash Trash #722 “Krampus Rumpus”

Dung-Fu Grip decided to throw a Krampuslauf. We started at the nasti Asti bar. I never realized how popular this bar was. In past hashes we seemed to be the only wanker’s in it. As was told before, Krampus is the dark companion of St. Nicholas (xmas devil), celebrated in Europe in early December or on the eve of St. Nicholas day. It appears to be popular theme for many art related events across the US in December. Many Hasher’s chose the devil theme by wearing horns. I think our hare deserves the scariest costume award if there was one. Though no award for this trail needed.  You can view my trail map here. The hare promised a romp through downtown to scare, but it was one big circle jerk. Almost everyone missed the liquor checks. I was with the pack to find the first one which was at the base of Green Street, under a prickly bush, a huge peppermint schnapps bottle.  Trail then lead us to a hare dare accross Hwy 1 (we chose to run accross 6 lanes!), which led toward’s Holy Cross church. Another circle jerk around it, and apparently that is where the 2nd liqour check was. LOL. BUMs aside, hasher’s were happy to have been led (found at the end of pacific by Jamba juice) by Princess-Di-arrhea to the BC as the fucked up (back check) arrow markings on Pacific proved to be too difficult on this night for the FRB’s to solve. Maybe it was the Schnapps. BC was well received at the top of River street parking garage (where the sword fighting group hang). Dung-Fu Grip appeared bummed no one found 2nd LC as that liquor was Germanic (guess we’ll get to try it at tonight’s hash). Religon took place on top of parking garage Oswald’s. Just Mara was the beer fairy. Noted for anal-versaries: Puff for his 50th Haring (he got the cool kids mug), Pink Cherry Licker for her 50th Hash run! And co-religious advisor Cuff my Muff’s 169th hash! Get a life get a life. We had 3 virgins this night. Wicked Retahted brought MJ, Fucked-Over fest brought two: Amanda and Kymberly, all chose the joke route. BUT, Just Mara (Six-o nine’s guest) decided since it was her first SCH3 hash to show off her titts. Everybody seemed happy. And the hare! Thanks Dung-Fu for introducing us to ‘The Krampus’, we should definitely do it again next year. On on to Tampico’s we went.

See you wanker’s tonight at the West-End tap room…..

Occasional Rapist