Monthly Archives: July 2014

W2B 2014 Pre-Lube Hash #753- Toga Toga Toga!

The gang gathered at Bocci’s Cellar, hare duo Twisted Fister and Fap Jack. There was a good turnout- Toga themed hash had almost everyone wearing a sheet! PCL watched a video on how to wrap a sheet, she helped a few hashers in need. We had virgins, visitors, backslider’s, and a naming! Trail I measured ~3.47 with a LC on the river levee at ~ 1 mile- now thats what I’m talking about. BC was at the end near religion. Another shitty long-ass trail b/t checks! But running in Toga’s was fun, we all made good” people”watching through downtown and over Hwy 1. See my map for where we went, www.mapmyrun.com/workout/667744877 . Religion Advisor was Accuprick, and Just Karee his beer fairy. Just Karee made virgin Paul cum.  She brought her canine buddy along too, both dogs sported a mini-togas. We had also another virgin named Tish, internet made her cum, apparently some friends of hers explained about the H3, so she emailed dBASED. Alas jokes we’re told, backslider’s drank (Accuprick, Deep Stroke and The Human Pube). We were mooned by Virgin Tish after she failed at her joke! Just Andrew whom admirely keeps cumming back was a racist, apparently he didn’t get the Toga memo and he was off by one night for the right themed hash! Just Marisol got a name! Welcome to the hash Bacon Queef. She might have told us a little too much information that night, so the name is very fitting if you were there! Twisted Fister got his 10th Hare patch-way to go Bro! And the hares!…….

More to follow for deets from W2B I wasn’t there the whole time so I’ll let other scribettes explain..

On on Occasional Rapist

Wharf to Barf Weekend is Here!‏

Oh yes, it is going down…starting TODAY!

Surf City H3’s
WHARF TO BARF
July 24-27, 2014
Santa Cruz

We present to you your itinerary of weekend debauchery:
http://www.sch3.net/wharf-to-barf

If you haven’t rego’d yet, it’s not too late to join the fun!! Tonight is a usual Thursday hash that also happens to be the W2B Pre-Lube TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! Hash, starting at Bocci’s Cellar. Walk-up prices during the W2B weekend are $8 each for the Friday Pub Crawl (dress like a r*cist) and Sunday Hangover Hash. It’s just $45 for the Saturday Hash/Picnic/Swag. If you expect to be a walk-up for the Picnic, please let Princess or Thmp know in advance if you can so we’ll bring enough grub and grog.

YES, SWAG IS STILL AVAILABLE! Oh shit! Extra swag will be sold during the event if you want to bring some back to your envious kennel mates and will also be sold after the event if you can’t cum (it happens).

So rev up your livers and let’s get it on-on!

-Princess Di(arrhea) & Thmp-Thmp

Hash #751

Hash # 751 (AKA Another fucking D’BASED Obstacle Course)

For this trail, we met at Aptos St. BBQ14460268938_72710f5bab_o.  Aptos is generally a bit of a nightmare to get to during rush hour traffic, but it was particularly difficult for the hashers coming over 17.  Highway 17 had been closed in both directions all day, so cheers to everyone who made it down there……eventually.  Apparently it is legal to drink on the sidewalk if there is a planter box.  So there we are.

The hares, D’BASED and Occasional Rapist took off in either direction.  Now I realize that the smart money would have been to follow Occasional, go through whatever false or backcheck we found, and continue on to find the rest of the trail.  But none of us is all that smart, so we followed D’BASED on true trail.  That led to a big ass hill down into the creek.  Here are Shallow Hole and TIMMY!!! going down the hill:

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I did not choose to go down that path because I felt like it might lead to me being sad and broken, but but I could see down onto the creek and it looked like everyone was having tons of fun.  They looked especially overjoyed by the many creepy underpass tunnels they got to wade through.  Soooooo sorry I missed that part.  Also, there was lots of wading through the creek.

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While all the cool kids were down mucking around in the creek, a few us found a parallel route and met back up with the trail where it came up under the overpass in a spot where Twisted Fister has set beer check a few times.  From there, trail headed back up toward Kauboi and we all realized how easy it would have been to shortcut.

Although we knew we were close  to where religion would be, trail pushed up the hill.  Would we go to Butt Balls’s house?  No.  It was another week of trudging down into Nicene Marks.  From there it was a series of increasingly difficult obstacles, punctuating a beautiful run up a dry creek bed.  We can thank the drought for not having to get our shoes wet again.  Here are some of the dangers that blocked out path:

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There’s this one.

 

 

 

 

I feel like someone would ambush Indiana Jones here.

 

 

 

Then to get out, we had to climb out here.

 

 

 

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After climbing out of the canyon, bruised but not defeated,we had to walk up, yet another, big-ass hill to make our way to beer check.  We enjoyed a well deserved beverage while getting strange looks from residents of the neighborhood.  Then down the hill for religion!

 

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It was D’BASED’s birthday so there was a beautiful spread of meat, crackers, hummus, pita, chips, and other noms.  And Cupcakes! It was nice to have something besides the usual hash dinner.  It turned out to also be the birthday of Virgin Ray, another confused soul brought into the fold by Wicked.  He told a joke.  We tried to keep religion short, so there would be time to go have dinner at the BBQ place.  We did have a naming that night.  Because he is such a big wanker, his name is now…..Tiny Wanker.

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Hash Trash #752 on 7/17/14

752haresstartThis week, our Hares from Hell took us up to Fall Creek Park in Felton.  Dung Fu Grip, Twisted Fister and Fap Jack decided to do both a Turkey and Eagle trail.   Most of the pack did the Turkey Trail.  According to Occasional Rapist’s map, it looked like a 4.36 mile loop.  The minority, I counted 7 of us (Shady Curtains, Bloody Wanker, Penis Penis Penis, Dog Breath, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Tiny Wanker and yours truly) did the Eagle Trail.  On the map, it looked 752traillike a much larger loop.  My GPS measured 6.94 miles, and it took me 2 hours and 23 minutes.  Instead of going on and on about how shitty the trail was, I came up with a top 10 list for future Hares to consider when planning their Trails.  If your trail has any of these criteria, you should rethink your trail.

 

 

Top 10 Criteria of a Shitty Trail: 

10.  Long water crossings in the beginning of your trail making hashers trudge through the majority of the trail in squishy wet shoes.752creek

9.  Multiple fences to climb.  Especially 6 foot fences!  Go around, damn it!

8.  Your trail is not suitable for dogs or Hashers over 60 years old.  We do have a Retired Hasher contingent to consider.  They just want to drink!

7.  Tons of poison oak!  Itchy, scratchy mess!

6.  Your trail includes a mile long steep hill.  Fuck that shit!752harechalk

5.  Your trail takes longer to complete than it takes to run a half marathon!

4.  You don’t tell Hashers to bring flashlights and they get stuck in the woods in the dark!

3.  Hashers are at risk of becoming dinner for nocturnal predators!

2.  Your trail sucks so bad that you have to send out a search party to rescue stranded Hashers.  But thank you for not drinking all the beer and forgetting about us!

1.  Your trail is worse than a dBASED trail!

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Religion was in the parking lot.  TIMMY!!! was RA and Puff was Beer Fairy.  After almost killing the old bastard on the Eagle Trail, the pack sung Happy Birthday to Puff.  There were 2 Analversaries.  Dog Breath was congratulated on his 225th hash and dBASED celebrated hs 600th hash!  Get a life!  We had a Virgin.  Virgin Carie.  Just Marisol and Just Jeremiah made her cum!  And after this trail, she will probably never cum again.  She did wear a “bite me” sweatshirt and show her 752namingtits though.  We had a naming!  Just Jeremiah apparently has hippy parents who tripped out on peyote and named him some ridiculously long name.  Part of his name is White Eagle.  So the pack named him Creamy Swallow.  Welcome to the hash!  And last but not least, the Hares.  They Ought to be Publicly Pissed On……………752hares

Now that I have purged myself of last week’s horrors, I can now look forward to the Joyous event known as Wharf to Barf!  See you this Thursday 7/24/14 at Bocci’s Cellar.  Toga!  Toga!  Use an old sheet and check out youtube videos on how to tie a toga.   For more information on Wharf to Barf:  http://www.sch3.net/wharf-to-barf/.  All the cool kids will be there and you don’t want to miss it!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #750 Happy Birthday ‘merica!

When the hash celebrates America’s birthday we do it right. Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp Thmp brought us to Brommer street park. We drank right in plain view in the parking lot, no coppus bust us. Trail was promised to be short, I tracked 2.78 miles. Your basic circle jerk, traipsing through nice neighborhoods. We headed down 30th over Capitola Rd. Along Catalina drive, there’s a nice alley way leading to the Coffee Lane park where neighbors have fences plastered with art of their choice, pretty cool. They even have a swing there. Then we circled on right and then had a liquor check, I remembered spiced whiskey? Dude it feels like an eternity since last week:) Forgive my half-minded memory loss! Ok then circled on right alongside 40th-41st ave.’s through parking lots, to right by Pier 1, and through behind Satellite Dialysis ( I had to hide from co-worker’s getting off shift at this point) and then through the back of Brown Ranch Shopping Center, past the credit union there, and then some senior assisted living place. There’s a nice break in the wall which cuts into Sommerfield Ave.. We saw a huge blue and yellow McKaw parrot in a tree! We then continued over Capitola Rd. & over to Thompson ave. to Brommer on right back to start. BC was along Brommer street in a field, a Bike Jump park, never even knew that was there! Kids can be so darn creative! Religion then proceeded a few feet away there. TIMMY! acted as RA and Choka Cola his beer fairy. Noted we had vistors from the CANN’d hash, Five Finger Discunt, Under Mother Fucker, and newly named Penis, Penis, Penis! I love saying that! Just Jeff and Snapping Twat came back also. And our lovely Deep Stroke came all over from SF! We made it quick so we could go get some weenies roasted. Noted analversaries: Hairy Potter finished his 175th SCH3 Hash with us! and Pink Cherry Licker finished up her 75th Hash! Get a life man… And the hares!….

Weenie roast ‘america party got down at the Brommer street park over the hump past the field, never even knew that picnic area was there, kind of cool to be out of sight from the street! No coppus got us. Thanks to our Hares and helpers we had a fine meal of veggie and meat Weenie hot diggity dogs done up in style (w/condi’s) cooked on a hand carried from home gas grill! Chips, dip and flag cookies! Plenti-o-cold-Beer too!  On On we went into our 4th of July partaaaay weekends!! ….Yee fuckin’ ha!

See y’ all tonight I’ll be aiding the dBASED for his Bday Hash, Aptos BBQ!

On On-Occasional

Hash Trash # 749 on June 26, 2014

749viewThis week the pack met up at the UCSC West remote parking lot.  We were at the mercy of TIMMY!!! and Pink Cherry Licker.  Surf City doesn’t hash at UCSC campus very often.  We’re suspects on their most wanted list since the infamous anthrax scare incident last September.    The cops drove through the parking lot a few times, but didn’t stop.  Aside from the usual Surf City suspects, we had one visitor.   Under Mother Fucker was the lone representative of the Can’d Hash.  Cum Pumper took a break from school and made the trek over the hill.  The weather this evening was splendid and everyone was in a particularly “cheerful” mood.  Accuprick was in a particularly cheerful mood.  He is now officially retired!  Congratulations you lucky bastard!  Cheerleading camp was taking place on campus and we could hear echoes of perky teenagers in the distance.  Puff The Magic Drag Queen was wishing he had a better zoom lens on his camera.  Mortal Enema was reminiscing of her days at cheer camp.  I was a band/drama geek and only went to band camp. It was held at our high school, so I didn’t get to travel anywhere.

749trailIt was a shiggylicious trail with some amazing views.  According to my GPS, it was a 4.2 mile loop.  We traversed through the forest, 749liquordrank fireball whiskey, dodged huge piles of cow poop, ran with the deer through fields, climbed over a couple fences, crossed a log bridge over a dried up stream, saw an abandoned lime kiln, 749ticksand were rewarded with beer!  Dung Fu Grip, Cum Pumper and I were the FRB’s.  Thmp-Thmp was a short cutter and arrived at beer check before the FRB’s.  dBASED ran 6.5 miles and who the fuck knows where he went.  When he didn’t show up at beer check, no one was worried.  He’s like a homing pigeon, he always finds his way.  Sure enough, we found him back at the start.

749beercheckReligion was held in the woods next to the parking lot.   Accuprick was RA, and Mortal Enema was beer Fairy.  It was her first time and she started by trying to clean the cups!  LOL!  Just Alex was called up for blood and ticks on trail.  Dbased was punished for not being at the beer/liquor checks.  Hugh Heifer drank for posing for a photo pooping on cow poop.  Ask Princess Di (arrhea) if you want to see it.  It’s too pornographic for the hash trash.  Accuprick celebrated his 749retiredhasherretirement day!  Under Mother Fucker was welcomed as a visitor.   And last but not least, the Hares……………………..749hares

 

 

 

 

 

See you tomorrow for the Wank Yer Doodle Weenie Roast at Brommer Street Park at 30th Ave. & Brommer St. in Santa Cruz.  We’re Americans God damn it!  We may be getting taxed to death, the Supreme Court is banning insurance coverage for contraceptives, but we can still celebrate our freedom to drink beer!  Thmp-Thmp & Princess Diarrhea have promised us weenies.

On On,

Shallow Hole