Monthly Archives: May 2015

Hash 798: Fire and Planks

We met at El Palomar in the Harbor and it all went downhill, I mean in circles, from there. Dung Fu Grip was our solo hare and he warned us to watch out for speed checks, lots of speed checks.

Our two Virgins, Virgin Aaron and Virgin Anne are probably never coming back and still trying to forget us.

ThmpThmp giving the virgins the trail low-down

ThmpThmp giving the virgins the trail low-down

Trail set out into the neighborhoods where we ran in circles trying to solve check after check. Then we realized our hare was hiding in the bushes to add more checks. We found out later he had a bike too–never trust a hasher!

Liquor check came early so at least we had a little fuel for the trail.

Liquor Check, why so suspicious PussyWood?

Liquor Check, why so suspicious PussyWood? What could possible go wrong on the hash?

We followed trail back into the harbor and into Arana Gulch where we watched wildlife (cows) and into what Fucked Over Fest called Little Africa.

hash cows

hash cows

After some scratchy running we walked the plank over Arana Creek to beer check. Hashers are drinkers not swimmers so walking the plank scared the s**t out of some.

Walking the plank...

Walking the plank…

The end of the plank ain't bad.

The end of the plank ain’t bad.

Everyone made it over and back though and we made our way toward the harbor for on-on at Twin Lakes Beach. A bonfire was started thanks to Courtesy Flush who rushed around in search of drift wood and donated his private stash of toilet paper to spark a fire. No one wanted to know what else Courtesy Flush keeps in that handy backpack of his (we secretly really wanted to know but were too frightened to ask).

Another shitty view in Santa Cruz at Twin Lakes Beach

Another shitty view in Santa Cruz at Twin Lakes Beach

As the sun went down, the flames came up. Our bonfire took off and Dung Fu Grip brought out his staff. His FIRE staff, you dirty half minds. Dung Fu Grip, Shallow Hole and Ho 2 Housewife tried out their hippy ways and took a turn with the fire staff. The rest of us enjoyed our beach carni entertainment, wincing when the fire looked like a close call.

Burners

Just Wendy was our beer fairy for the evening and oh man was she happy about it! That hasher sure likes to take her shirt off–a hasher before she even knew it.

A very happy Just Wendy

A very happy Just Wendy

We celebrated Bacon Queef’s 25th hash (get a life!) Back sliders Fucked Over Fest, Accuprick, Courtesy Flush and Twat Did You Say? were punished with a down down. Just Wendy, Princess Di(arrhhea) and Finger Nips were punished for missing Beer Check. And then a naming. Jennif..I mean Jenniqu…I mean Jess…Oh I have no idea what name she started with, but she will now and forever be known as PediFiddler.

PediFiddler salutes the hash for her awful name.

PediFiddler salutes the hash for her awful name.

And finally, our hare. Dung Fu Grip was punished for another shitty trail.

Dung Fu Grip trying to justify his shitty trail.

Dung Fu Grip not even trying to justify his shitty trail.

May the hash go in peace. On-on Hashers!

Cock Throbbin

 

 

 

 

Last Call Norm tribute

First of all, Last Call Norm was originally a Monterey Bay Hasher. My recollection is she started hashing with Monterey Bay in the late 90’s and she definitely got her name there . She was the first Monterrey Bay Hasher to “discover” the Surf City Hash. She discovered the Surf City Hash because she found flour in downtown Santa Cruz and knew it was not from a Monterrey Bay Hash. The interesting thing is that when she first discovered it, she didn’t let anyone else know. As memory serves me (13 1/2 years later) somehow the info got out about a week later and with that the Monterey Bay Hashers started checking out the Surf City Hash soon afterward.

In case you don’t know how she got her name, here is the story. At that time, she had her name on the wall at 99 Bottles something like 40 times. 99 beers gets your name on the wall once. 9 X 99 gets you a bar stool. 25 X 99 gets you a brick. Go check it out. She has had a brick at 99 Bottles in downtown Santa Cruz forever. Anyway, besides all those times being on the wall at 99 Bottles, her last name is Peterson – like Norm in Cheers. So, Last Call Norm.

I have many fond memories of events with Last Call Norm. Here are a few.

I convinced her to run the Calistoga to Napa relay TWICE. I think she hated it in the middle of night each time. I was never in her van.  She even bought a vehicle specifically designed as the perfect relay vehicle. It was not too long, had beds and a toilet. One year we had 2 teams, some from Southern California and I convinced her to let a crop of strangers spend the night the night before.

She hated driving over bridges. She could not keep her eyes open.

The inauguration of her rec room. If you’ve been there, there is a narrow stairway up to the top level. Hashers were appointed the task of trying to get a couch to the rec room. Many engineers tried. All failed that evening.  If you ever go the rec room, look for the couch and wonder how it ever got there.

The animal house New Years party at her house in Surf City Hash year 2.. It was a joint Surf City/Monterey Bay event. I was not there, but I got numerous reports of an orgy that happened in what is now  Pearl’s “train” room. Because I was the GM of the Monterey Bay Hash, I apologized for the actions of Hashers, even though I was not there.  This was last time she has an over night party in her house for Hashers.

Surf City Hash 32 where she I got Hashers to go through tunnels at the Fish Hook. Read about it here: http://web.archive.org/web/20031027095908/http://sch3.net/ht_0032.htm#Trash

She was the Beer Meister for the Monterey Bay Hash and had a room pretty much dedicated to being the Beer Meister.

She was the first Surf City Hasher to arrive at the start in a cab.

If I have my history right, she was the Surf City GM from 2006-2008. During her tenure we passed bylaws and officially became a non-profit. It should be noted that work is now null and void.

The year I got divorced (2004-2005), I asked if I could spend half my nights in a spare bedroom at her house and she accepted. I might still have a key to her house!

Her wedding to Pearl Necklace. Not a numbered hash run, but quite an event.

Surf City Hash 700 where Occasional Rapist and I had our hash wedding at her house.

Wharf to Barf was originally a Monterey Bay Hash event (even before my time) that was Sunday only. We started at Neary Lagoon (with a giant condom) and walked along the railroad tracks to the start. I think running with the giant condom is how she discovered the hash. The next year and all years thereafter, Wharf to Wharf Racist started at her house instead.

Her kids did baby sitting for me for a period of time. At Hot Wheels 3 year old birthday party, when Little Spit was 2 weeks old, somehow I got word they wanted to come to the birthday party (which included a bounce house).  Last Call Norm had memories of her teen age children going to a birthday party for 3 year olds. I think we had a Monterey Bay Hash that day too.

Her kids have Hash names of Brave Fart and Fast Balls. They did many Hashes in the early years of the Surf City Hash.

Monterey Bay Hash 300. The Hash starts on the East side of Henry Cowell and ends on the West side of Henry Cowell. It crosses the San Lorenzo river 3 times. Last Call Norm falls and hits her head on a rock and gets blood everywhere. Brave Fart is 9 at time and doing the run with her and rather freaks out (as you would expect a 9 year old to do when her mom’s face is covered in blood). At the end the Hash, I get reports “Last Call Norm has fallen in the river”. Well, it’s a long way from where I am to where she is. I have an off duty Fireman with me (No Fucking Response) who at one point advises I call 911, which I do. They eventually arrive, they take all my vital statistics and hers, and she refuses services. Today, I’m amazed no fines were levied. Perhaps that’s because we didn’t mention beer.

So, here’s to you Last Call Norm. You were true blue!

Hash Trash # 800: Surf City Red Dress Run on May 9, 2015

rdrgroupThe scene was the Rush Inn.  We had a huge turnout this year!   This year also happened to fall on Hugh Heifer’s birthday!  There were a total of 62 hashers and a large number of visitors.  We had visitors from Silicone Valley, Monterey Can’d, East bay, San Francisco, Fresno, Sacramento and Portland.   Several Surf City Hashers opened up their homes to take in visitors.  You rock!

Red dresses were everywhere!  It looked like a Valentino fashion show for Halfminds!  There were short slutty dresses and long glamorous dresses.  Dung Fu Grip and Insem-moo-nater both went for the ultra-conservative look this year.  Tiny Wanker wore a pretty conservative poka dot number.  Transcuntnanal and Thmp-Thmp obviously shop in the same stores because they showed up in matching dresses.  Apple Bobber showed up in a sexy red schoolgirl outfit.   Broke Bench Mountain looked particularly lovely.  He and Cock rdrwigsThrobbin were comparing prices of their red wigs.   My two personal favorites were Electric Labia Land’s hot sequin dress and Tits and Game’s short poofy prom dress.

Twisted Fister hared the walker trail and dBASED and New Kids on my Cock hared the Turkey/Eagle trails.  Half the pack did the walker trail.  The Eagle trail was rdrharesoffabout 4 miles to beer check according to my GPS.  After a little jaunt downtown, we headed to the seedy part of town along the San Lorenzo river levee to Harvey West Park where our red dresses entertained families at a baseball game and other parties.  We passed one party blasting Mexican music.  They yelled some shit at us in Spanish.   Trail continued into the woods, up the stairs and exited out at Meadow Road to Sheridan Ave.  What must go up must come down.  So we took Highland back down the hill and ended up at beer check at Dirty rdrbeercheckDolma’s house.   After the beer check, the pack walked to a liquor check on a set of steps leading to downtown, and then to another beer check at the Catalyst.  We invaded the upstairs bar at the Catalyst.

rdrlcReligion was  at the top of Oswald’s parking garage.  Dung Fu Grip was RA and Tiny Wanker was Beer Fairy.  Visitors were called up first.  Too many to count.  Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, and Project Cumway were called up for going to eat Chinese food instead of doing trail.  There were a couple accusations of crimes but they were lame.  There was a virgin Eric who dropped trow.  Broke Bench Mountain was called up for wearing a thong that wasn’t large enough to hold his large left ball.  Wicked Retahted celebrated his 100th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  And last but not least, the Hares…………

The pack went back to the Rush Inn for rdrharesreligionfood and more beer!

Everybody knows that cancer sucks balls!  This event raised $1000 for WomenCare, an organization that provides free services to women with cancer in the Santa Cruz community.

 

Sadly, this was the last Red Dress Run for Normie_in_red_croppedLast Call Norm, who lost her battle with cancer on 5/12/15.  She was a long time Surf City hasher and loved by all.  Happy trails Norm, and may there be unlimited beer in heaven.

This hash song serves well as an Ode to Cancer (sung to the tune of Old Lang Syne)

Dear Cancer,

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

See you Wankers on Thursday!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash – Trail 797 – Six Inches is HUGE

Santa Cruz's dirtiest dive bar

Santa Cruz’s dirtiest dive bar

We all should have known better when we received this week’s trail invitation and it didn’t even have the right trail number on it. These hares were confused long before trail was laid. We all showed up anyhow, at Ye Olde Watering Hole, with hopes that our $8 will get us enough beer to forget this night.

Here we can see Cock Throbbin already trying to point the finger of blame at newly named Toilet Baby, dog of Twisted Fister.

Here we can see Cock Throbbin already trying to point the finger of blame at newly named Toilet Baby, dog of Twisted Fister.

The pack quickly filled up the bar and mortals mumbled unintelligible grumblings as they fled the area. As soon as the hares thought we were starting to get tipsy enough to surely forget this shitty trail they stood before us and told us lies while Toilet Baby longingly searched the crowd for Puff, the keeper of the dog treats.

As Summer's Yeast gulped down some wine we can see Virgin Jennifer being offered something a bit stronger in the background.

As Summer’s Yeast gulped down some wine we can see Virgin Jennifer being offered something a bit stronger in the background.

Once on trail, we crossed over Mission on Swift and started up the path after Escalona on Grandview, a common route for the hash. As we reached the top of the hill we quickly stumbled across a liquor check mark. Here is one of the first of many lies of the evening, turns out it was bum wine and not liquor at all.

A little distance out we reach a check that we find leads us up an incredibly steep hill, about 90 feet up over the course of 150ft. If anyone still knows how to do geometry or some shit, you can figure out the incline percentage there and likely be impressed. Math is hard. We approach the top of the hill to a chalk mark of STFU, which we were told about at the bar. When we see this we are to Shut The Fuck Up! As the pack circles around I hear someone yelling, What does STFU mean? Oh, Shut the Fuck Up!” I guess although they can read they cannot comprehend, we are only half-minds after all. Trail leads us into someone’s backyard and when Dog Breath figures this out he turns the pack around, not wanting to trespass. Perhaps Dog Breath has been traveling so much recently that he forgets we LOVE trespassing! As I’m coming down the hill I feel branches and leaves hitting my legs, but as I’ve never had poison oak after being exposed I saw no harm in this, I had assumed I wasn’t allergic. Hey guys, turns out I’m allergic. Oh my itchy scratchy! Anyone else with me?

Virgin Wendy wiggling her way through the fence

Virgin Wendy wiggling her way through the fence

Our alternate route to the backyard is to either climb over a barbed wire fence or wiggle through the gate as it’s held open by other hashers. I chose to go over the fence and as Puff grabbed, I mean pushed my ass over the fence Thmp-Thmp provided support so I didn’t end up face planted on the other side. In hindsight I should have gone through the fence, where Dung Fu Grip, Dog Breath and Thmp-Thmp pushed and pulled the gates apart enough for fellow hashers to wiggle through.

Bay Drive Walkway

Bay Drive Walkway

 

The next little treat the hares had for us was Miramar Hill. Most of the pack was convinced trail went down Miramar and ran down only to discover nothing. Turns out trail actually went the opposite direction on Miramar and took us on Alta Vista and across Nobel before having us come down the Bay Drive Walkway in the median, a big descent with some wooden bridges, dirt and pavement.

This scene was a terror to parents taking their kids to the park.

This scene was a terror to parents taking their kids to the park.

We weaved over on Anthony before crossing Mission via Olive, where the hares were kind enough to navigate us to a crosswalk for easier crossing on such a busy street. That was about the only thing they did right on trail. We cut through the back parking lot of some businesses then turned onto Palm St, which if you were as foolish as myself to not turn off you found yourself at a back-check 8 after passing over the railroad tracks. Turns out true trail turned right down Seaside before having us end for beer check at Garfield Park.

After we devoured the kettle chips provided by the hares we decided it was time to get to religion which was held in the back parking lot of the nearby Safeway. We weren’t there a mere 3 or 4 minutes before security started getting curious. Who takes off to talk to them but Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Hugh Heifer. We aren’t sure what was said, but it worked and we carried out an entire religion although I suspect the hares should not expect to get any cash back from this trail.

Newly named Transcuntnanal appears to have mastered the hasher salute

Newly named Transcuntnanal appears to have mastered the hasher salute

Beer Fairy for the evening was newly named Transcuntnanal. We quickly jumped into the public shamings; first bringing up Pink Cherry Liquor and Fap Jack for skipping trail completely and getting Chinese Food instead.

One thing that can be said about trail is the lack of visible markings, there was a false (barely) spotted on Alta Vista about 6 inches long hiding behind a trash can. When Cock Throbbin was interrogated about the size of her false marking her response was that her entire life men had been telling her that 6 inches was huge. With Dog Breath being the first hasher to have hared with Cock Throbbin and dBASED as being responsible for making sure everyone understands how trail should be laid were given down-downs for failing this hare duo of Twisted Fister and Cock Throbbin.

The few hashers that did cut through someone’s backyard instead of going through the fence were given down downs; Today Is Monday, Transcuntnanal and Drink ‘n Squirt.

Happy Analversary to Hugh Heifer and TIMMY!!!

Happy Analversary to Hugh Heifer and TIMMY!!!

There were two analversaries to celebrate. Hugh Heifer celebrated her 369th hash and TIMMY!!! celebrated his 475th hash and even though we didn’t have a patch for TIMMY!!! we celebrated and gave him a down-down anyway.

We gave Dick N’ Squirt a down-down for being a visitor before bringing up our virgins. Virgin Jennifer was made to come by Just Jessica. She said she brought us Virgin Jennifer so we would stop calling her Jennifer. Just Jennifer sang the appropriately titled “Like A Virgin” with a little help from her friend. Virgin Wendy was made to come by Just Mirit. Virgin Wendy gave us a bedazzled flash and later had her date entertain us with a joke.

And the hares!

And the hares!

And the hares!

On-On,
Ho to Housewife

In Loving Memory of Last Call Norm

Normie_in_red_cropped

2008 Red Dress R*n Hash 409

Our beloved Normie quietly passed away yesterday afternoon following a battle with cancer. We all loved her and will always keep her in our hearts.

Normie was a True Blue Hasher, Beer Meister extraordinaire, and was responsible for bringing WomenCARE to the Surf City’s Red Dress R*n as our special charity. She received their caring services and made sure to help give back to them. Sadly, last Saturday was Normie’s final Surf City RDR. We’ll be sure to remember and honor her in the years ahead. The donations we collected on Saturday were donated to WomenCARE in her memory.

Pearl Necklace and his family are also in our hearts. If you’d like to offer help, you can do it here.

Come by 100h7 Club this Sunday May 17th at 2pm to share stories and toast to sweet Normie.

Here’s to Sister Hasher…

-Princess Di(arrhea) & Thmp-Thmp

Trail 796 – Hugh’s Pre-beerthday hash

Intro Montys

Last Thursday brought us out to Monty’s in Felton, the bar that most refer to as “that bar across from Henry Cowell, right?” where we ran another shitty trail and helped Hugh Heifer pre-game for her beerthday which actually fell on Saturday, the same day as our Red Dress Run. Hashers filled the inside of Monty’s while all the “normal folk” rolled their eyes and started to slink into the back of the bar. The clock rolled around to 6:45, our hares not only hadn’t taken off yet, but they couldn’t be found. Someone said, “the hares are outside smoking a joint”, so of course the party moved outdoors to a slightly drizzling setting. As much as we need the rain, it would be great if it could not rain on hashing nights.

After much booze and other inibriators, the hares decided it was time to go lay their shitty trail which we soon found out they took quite literally. As we entered Henry Cowell we immediately started playing hop-scotch over huge piles of horse shit. It’s time like these where I wonder why there isn’t a clean up after your horse ordinance, similar to that of dogs. But I digress, let’s get back to the issue at hand.

Trail

There was a turkey/eagle split that I think took the turkeys directly back to the beer. The eagles got some nice trail running in with their game of hop-scotch before ending at one of the Felton covered bridges.

No Trespassing

Once we got kicked out of beer check we headed on for religion. I guess someone thought we were trespassing. We were just hanging out, man. No dis-respect, man. Land is a gift to be enjoyed by all and ownership of such a thing is a human construct. I digress, yet again…..

Subsequently, we headed to religion which was appropriately held in a church parking lot. What a better place to celebrate our beliefs and rejoice in our blessings! Unfortunately, the church did not agree. They found the celebration of our beliefs to be rude and disturbing and quickly kicked us out although not before we got a few celebrations in. First, we shunned all those who ran the relay the weekend before, who could easily be spotted in their kilts. Snapping Twat, Shallow Hole, Occasional Rapist, dBASED and Dung-Fu Grip were all part of this catastrophic event and were given a down-down.

dBASED tried to call out Thmp-Thmp for confusing the word deer with tits (one track mind?) but don’t you know we made dBASED take a down-down too, just for fun :)

Virgin Raquel

Next up we had a new face, Virgin Raquel, who did us a little song and dance. Perhaps it’s dancing that this church didn’t like since right after this is when we were booted from the area.

Back to Monty’s we go, where they take all kinds… sort of like the hash. We resumed religion in the patio area for the naming of Just Pauline and Just Dan.

Pussy Wood

Just Pauline is a grad student who studies lizards and gets really excited on trail for free wood! Since she’s a student she is broke and to make money she crochets pussy hats. Gentlemen, this is not a hat you want to get for your wife’s pussy but maybe something to keep your feline warm in the winter, cause cats are always in the market for hats. I know the cats I’ve had refuse to even wear a collar, let alone a hat. With this information we sent Just Pauline into the corner to discuss her name. The pack has given her the name “Pussy Wood”.

Transcuntnanal

Next up we have Just Dan, who is also a grad student (I think, I could also be making that up) who studies inner tide fish with names like Clit Fish…. at least that’s what we heard. He has also traveled the world and has explored his sexual deviancy on trains around the world. Hugh volunteered to take Just Dan away while we discussed his name and asked him if he wanted to wait in her truck, since it’s her beerthday and all. Unfortunately, the pack was quick to decide on a name for Just Dan and they didn’t make it past the picnic tables before we called them back. From now on Just Dan will be known as Transcuntnanal.

The hares

And the hares! While Cum Lord couldn’t be found for religion, Hugh took in all the glory of her shitty trail. And while in this photo she appears to be barely standing I have a feeling this woman is just getting warmed up.

No one could say where this week’s trail is going to be and while yesterday I saw the announcement for trail 798, I’m still hoping someone will announce trail 797.

May the hash go in peace,
Ho to Housewife