Turkey? Eagle? This week it didn’t matter, they were both too long and too shitty! I clocked turkey in at 4.93 miles and I believe eagle was a mile or so longer than that. Dung fu grip our hare did promise to get some miles in and he did just that. We started things off at the crepe place where the usual suspects came in to booze up before trail.
We hit trail and immediately Zion decided pissing in the middle of the road while crossing over to Charlie Hong Kong’s was okay, that one still needs some training! We lost Courtesy Flush almost immediately at the promise of food in the form of gyros (a Mediterranean burrito basically). Trail led this way and that, PCL put in a rogue boob check on the overpass when we saw the group trailing us was all guys.
The usual shenanigans. We made our way up and through the golf course a through a bit of PO shiggy.
Ho to Housewife was kind enough to share some insight on the eagle adventures (which sounds like a total shit show) and sent me this blurb: “so eagle trail…. we thought the Eagles were only ourselves, cock throbbed, fucked over, dog breath and dbased but turns out today is Monday, yellow prickly load & Puff were also on trail….somewhere…. there was a shit load of PO, we saw a bat in the bat cave, we went to the top of the world where there were stoners rolling joints, we didn’t see a check until mile 6…. which was just fine to let us just go and run….
Dung fu left us a flashlight before going into the woods (we didn’t know there were people behind us so we took it)… fucking chivalry on trail, I flashed my total and fucked over flashed his ass at the hwy 1 over crossing on Morrissey. If this doesn’t make sense it’s because me and shallow, cock throbbin, Cum pumper and Waxi pad have been wine tasting since noon.”
At the bum wine check where a second turkey eagle split awaited us many eagles said fuck that and went turkey with the rest of us. Courtesy made an appearance and Bareback needed an explanation as to why he didn’t not bring her any food, and he proceeded to make an elaborate story about how he was abducted by aliens and anal probing and he dropped the gyro when he was being taken up to the ship or some shit. We went on from there through some forest and back onto the road where we crossed over the freeway at Morrissey. Something confusing happened when it felt like Dung-fu hare snared us by running up behind us after dBased and TIMMY!! passed…but trail was already laid ahead of us…still unclear about what happened there but it happened!
We eventually made our way to dung-fu’s house for beer check and then finally puff’s for religion, granted it seems puff was on eagle so long he missed beer check and we got back to his place before he did! The same for Yellow Prick Load and Today is Monday who showed up only to religion (major DFL’s!) so they got the first down downs. Accuprick was our RA and Just Emily was beer fairy. Pearl Necklace, the virgins and Justs, and My little bony didn’t run either trail it seems and short cut like crazy so they got down downs for their bad behavior. Ho to Housewife and I got down downs for being animal people, she for saving skunk babies and me because someone asked if Just Ziggy (Fucked-Over Fest’s dog) was a male or female so I just flipped the dog over while it was laying down to check (male in case anyone gives a shit). Dung-fu got a down down with Timmy and dBased for the strange snaring event. Then we had Virgins!
Virgin Shay was made to cum by Just Emily and she tried to bring Boney into things and he had the proper response of “Just shut up and show your tits!” which she ignored at first by going on a long-winded story about losing her hash virginity and how it never goes right the first time like over sorts of virginity-losing events. She did eventually show her tits so that was nice and Virgin Al who was also brought by Just Emily then came up and PCL said “You don’t have to tell a long winded story if you just want to show your tits” so she listened and went straight to the good stuff, yay tits! Cumfart Zone then came up and asked if anyone lost a ball while pulling a golf ball out of her cleavage. So we sang her the “why was she born so beautiful” blah blah song and ended it with “she’s no fucking use to anyone she’s only got one ball” so that was some solid improv. Everyone was then somehow shocked TIMMY hasn’t managed to bust his metal martini glass. Accu lost his whistle but Dung fu found it and it served as a reminder to those who don’t bring a whistle that they should, so wankers sans whistles had to drink. Dog Breath just wanted to drink so he called out himself for backsliding and Bony got a down down as well for that.
Dung fu our hare and Just Mars had to go up and drink because she said she was a fucking frb and “won the hash”, I believe she also gave us some tit action so the Justs and Virgins were a pretty obliging bunch this hash! Announcements that so far nobody has purchased wharf to barf rego except grassy-ass. Looks like its going to be lonely at this point…so buy those! Enjoy this last trash for a while from me wankers, see you in a few months!