Hash Twelve-15: Ta-ta Ta-tas

Try to keep abreast,

Of this Trash, it may move and bounce from one place to another.

As is frequently a Surf City hare’s ploy, we began from an upscale venue, Hindquarter. The purpose of this is to instill confidence in the pack that trail will be as exemplary as Point A. While this trail fell way the hell shy of that mark, it accomplished the hare’s goal of hoodwinking us.

Both the inside of the building as well as the breezeway were commandeered by the clan.

Ruling the bar area
A horde of hounds in the outdoor drinkin’ area

We had some backsliders return to the fold and a Virgin too. Sadly, on the downside we also had a large number of returning trouble-makers and the proverbial misfits. Well, things are never perfect for the Surf City H3, are they? At least Pat the beertender at Hindquarter was copacetic with our presence.

Hare-pair Clearly Not A Hooker and Baker’s Dozen’t waited until the majority of the mob moved outdoors to deliver Instructions of Trail. Not that it truly mattered though as most of the pack still indoors didn’t listen anyway. When compared to how trail actually played out, Instructions of Trail from these hares proved they’ve never made a promise they couldn’t break. Hares away.

The next fifteen minutes passed very quickly but not so much due to the fact we were enjoying ourselves as it was to our knowing what awaited us after the expiration thereof. And it came to pass that soon co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions and their call was answered by Just Danielle, dBASED, Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, Steamy Baanorrhea, Cum You Will Not, TIMMY!, Just John, Dung-Fu Grip, Jizziki, Courtesy Flush, Virgin Lauren and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency consisted of Junk Puncher, Spot’d Dick, Swamp Rat, Scratch and Sniff. Merlissa was a co-hare. Pack out.

Marker made the merry members of madness cross Soquel Avenue to a check on the corner of Soquel and Riverside Avenue. An excessive amount of our lives was expended here before the on-on was finally sounded south on Riverside followed a block later by a hare arrow pointing the pod on-left on Broadway. Two blocks later an on-right took the troops on-down into Lower Ocean where even evil spirits like not to tread after darkness falls. Such a cruel move meant nothing to our hares though apparently. One long block later an on-left onto Barson Street was dictated.

Both sides of Barson can herald tragic events so no one dilly-dallied through here and followed the hare arrow across Ocean Street at a good clip as well. When Barson ended, we turned on-right and on-down Alley 938, yes, that’s it’s real name, and proceeded along it’s shadowy length past apartments in such dilapidated condition they may be uninhabited. The road, and I use that word in the loosest definition thereof, has more holes in it than low quality Swiss cheese. When we came to Lemos Avenue we were overjoyed to be back into the light and put a potentially dangerous situation behind us. Little did we know as to what awaited us though.

An on-left on Lemos took us to what is laughingly labeled the Jessie Street Marsh. This single-track terror winds it’s way behind hovels and piles of trash with not a trace of water to be seen. I do now know if the trash is left by unsavory characters or simply tossed over the fence from the houses. Only partway through this horrid place, a huge hare arrow led the litter on-left and on-up an illegal path into Oceanview Park.

This may well have been the highlight of trail. The ONLY one I might add. Here was Liquor Check and a handmade pinata in the shape of a pair of female mammary glands. The hares abandoned drinks to man the pinata explosion and left the Virgin in charge of playing mixologist.

Virgin Lauren can barely see past her ‘breasts’ to play bartender

Just John was able to burst the breasts with a mere two strokes of his long rod and prizes and treats ejaculated forth from them. Hashers groveled on the ground for the goodies. Sadly however, there was more trail to traverse and eventually the flock exited the park and crossed East Cliff Drive to undertake the on-up of a hill taking us to the pedestrian walkway on-down to the trestle over the San Lorenzo River and into the huge parking lot beside the Boardwalk. Following the arrow here(that old man TIMMY!! did not see) brought the bevy to Beach Street. Three blocks later, past a dark and lonely Boardwalk, it was on-right on Raymond Street past Beach Flats Park(site of a recent nighttime shooting) and on-left onto Leibrandt Avenue. We crossed (dangerous) Riverside Avenue and crossed over to Second Street. A block later we turned on-right onto Cliff Street and took it to, well, the top of the cliff! I wish to exit this area as soon as possible so the Eagles can hang here as long as they wish, I’m a Turkey tonight. We gobblers took the stairs on-down to the levee, arrived at Broadway(again) and were directed on-right over the river. The next on-right is Riverside Avenue(again) and deposited us at the abode of Clearly Not A Hooker.

Reassembling for Beer Check at Clearly Not A Hooker’s home

Here we found all manner of vittles, many of which carried on with tonight’s theme of female breasts. I noticed some harriers spent considerable time licking the cupcakes before gently nibbling on the portion that protruded above the rounded surface. I wonder what fantasy was going through their perverted little half-minds at that time? Stimulating as this experience was, Religion called from afar so the time came for us to exit before arousing the neighbors. Not long before leaving, Jizziki arrived after having returned to the Hindquarter for a drink to tie him over before undertaking the on-in to Beer Check. We moved back onto Riverside and took up temporary residence in the (too) well illuminated parking lot of Riverside Lighting. Here co-Religious Advisers Pink Cherry Licker and Dung-Fu Grip fired up their Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this evening: backsliders were punished, our harriette going under the knife next week to ‘reconfigure’ her chest area was recognized and those that staged a Gorilla Beer Check were brought to the altar. There was also some mention of the hares, specifically the parties in Oceanview Park and and Hooker’s home but I heard NO compliments about trail.

On-on-on was announced to be staged at Woodstock’s Pizza.

On an unrelated note, the site for AGM has been finalized, Vino by the Sea on the Wharf. If you attended Red Dress, you’ve been there at least once in your life.

Upon completing this announcement the RA’s dismissed the pack and I now do the same for you, faithful reader.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose to not complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-15.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author, at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-fifth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

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