The title says it all. Damn TIMMY had us going all over the damn place! dBased clocked 6.6 miles to beer check, we started at the Parish and got lost right off the bat, went over the railroad tracks, wandered the circles, got to Bay, went up and over and continued up the hill for what seemed like FOREVER.

We went by some park I had never been to that was pretty where LC was. Then when I thought it would be a quick trail back to TIMMYS he continued to run us around down the bike path by western where we finally got to beer check in the pitch dark. We then went over to his house to hate on him some more. Religion then started and that was a whole other show. Wicked got a down down for singing out of line. We chastised those who did not do trail (lucky bastards).

We then bothered the visitors and virgins. Mr Wiggly brought some german visitors Just Han and Just Alex (I behaved myself for all of you who are wondering). They sang some sort of drinking song in German. Mrs Timmy came out and got a down down for marrying TIMMY because we were all mad at him in that moment. Banana Basher fucked up and sang a song that was already sung and drank for that. TIMMY littered a flour bag, that bastard. Just Mishi brought a virgin Paul who looked terrified and was offering to sing a song and asked if “anyone have any requests?” and Occasional said she liked the song “Where you take your pants off”

He sang something it was weird. Then we heard the very sad story from Hangs Loose who hit on a chick at the watering hole (his first foreplay in 12 years he says…yikes) and he asked Accuprick “How old do you think she was?” and Accu said “I wasn’t there ya dumb fuck”. dBased got in trouble for marking trail in front of his ex-wives house. Accu and many late comers got down downs and finally we could give TIMMY shit about being old and laying shitty trail. Man was I glad to go home after that ordeal!

On on,

Pussy Wood

We were promised “never before seen trail” on this one! No idea if Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls kept their promise honestly, not sure I care either I was just happy for that trail to be over!

We started over at Harvey West Park, the dogs were a tad out of control as was our inability to hide our drinking around all the children going by but we made it! We set off through Harvey West upwards through the woods. Hangs Loose said “I hate fucking stairs!” and TCnA responded with “You’re not supposed to fuck them!” so hopefully Hangs Loose sorted that out and learned what stairs are supposed to be used for.

We went through neighborhoods that I personally felt uncomfortable in due to the amount of money dripping from them but luckily we made it down by campus, got a bit lost around faculty housing and finally around to a nice dark place for beer check but not before losing dBased entirely. At religion which was back at start Dung-fu started doling out the down downs. dBASED was awarded a punitive down-down for yelling ‘Back Check’ at the Beer Near mark.

Hare-pair Butt Balls and Little Anal Annie were chided for using false trail and back checks marks in a haphazard manner confusing what was, intelligence-wise, already a substandard pack. Accuprick was chided for comparing this trail to ones laid by Silicon Valley H3’s infamous Gunga Dick. Even saying Gunga Dick lays a trail at ALL is an insult to our hares. Vaginal Repair Kit attempted to justify running off and leaving his four-legged friend, Two Buck Fuck.

No one bought his pathetic excuse and a down-down was awarded. One analversary this week and it went to our Religious Adviser, Dung-Fu Grip. Dung-Fu has completed 175 hashes with us and almost all of them in the FRB position. That alone is worth a down-down. And the hares…Butt Balls and Little Anal Annie. We now know how they found a place we’d never been before: It was both torturous and dangerous to get there!

On on,

Pussy Wood (with help from Puff)

This weeks trail found us with CumFart Zone and her partner-in-slime, Jizziki, who readily admitted they pre-laid this trail. It started out of wine time and made its awful way from there.

It was so horrendous Vaginal Repair Kit refused to participate no matter WHAT CumFart Zone promised him in return. So, after pre-lay was completed, our horrible hare-pair decided more flour was in order so they push-started Jizziki’s sled and casually and haphazardly tossed flour willy-nilly from his car, all the while sipping on a beer. The only cop that spotted them decided he simply MUST be hallucinating and called his replacement in early so he could go to the doctor.

And by the time the hounds found this trail, well, this trail made my brain and stomach consider terminating diplomatic relations.

Religion was back at Cumfart’s complex and down downs went to the pool swimmers Pink Cherry Licker, Genital Tongs, Dog Breath, Courtesy Flush and Dung-Fu Grip. Six of Nine was punished for not placing so much as one lousy paw on trail this evening.  Analversaries: Thmp-Thmp has 250 hashes with us and CumFart Zone has reached the magic number of 69. If ONE hare drinks, they ALL drink, hence Jizziki’s attendance beside CumFart Zone. Then a down-down for co-hares Jizziki and CumFart Zone for laying NINE consecutive Beer Near marks before delivering on that promise, they were the worst!

On on,

Pussy Wood

Our hares for this hash were Occasional Rapist and dBased…and it showed.

We started at Sante Adarius and only Banana Basher found the turkey eagle split, which was apparently by the police station, so the whole pack basically ended up on eagle against their will. There was a mudslide LC and the trail was very long and pretty uneventful wandering in and out of neighborhoods and getting a bit lost out in Capitola with some pretty stops overlooking the ocean.

At religion everyone was hungry and pissy so it was quick and efficient. Dung Fu was our RA and he did a pretty good job getting through it. 6 of 9 showed up for Religion with some sketchy blue drank of his own. Dung-fu , achey and visitor moose knuckle got a down down for jumping in a pool on trail. PCL had a story but we told her to shut up because we wanted to get out of there and then ended up singing her a song and defeating the purpose of shutting her up in the first place! (A bunch of half minds for ya!)

There were lots of Analverseries to get through, Butt balls at 325, Vaginal Repair Kit at 25, Bareback Unicrack at 25, Rat Pussy&Deadliest at 75 and PCL for 25 consecutive. Our visitor Moose Knuckle from Taiwan then sang us a song and we were happy to sing our hares and be done with the whole ordeal so we could eat!

On on,

Pussy Wood

This last thursdays hash was just a circle jerk around town by our lazy hares New Kids on My Cock, HangsLoose and dBased. We started off at the Food Lounge where we were the only customers!

Trail was relatively straight forward from there around town until we found ourselves at the turkey eagle split where Turkeys found themselves at a rather far YBF. We could not recall the last check (we are still convinced it did not exist but New Kids claims it existed…lies!) I thought TIMMY was going to blow his lid he was so pissed at that. The Turkeys decision was to turn the fuck around and head over to Pono for a drink but miraculously we came upon trail coming down water street which led us right into the Rush Inn for beer check! We enjoyed a few pitchers there before making it over to religion on top of the cedar and locust street parking garage.

Rat Pussy stepped in as RA as it was a relatively small pack that night and we were lacking our usual RA’s and he chose Trans-Cunt-n-Anal as his beer fairy. The first tale from the trail which I rather enjoyed was Steamy Baaahnorhea’s discovery of a bag of shit on trail which he referred to as “salsa and tortilla chip” and Genital Tongs said the real liquor check was apparently hidden under the ass of a homeless lady – which Steamy confirmed was true with his “pornographic memory”.

dBased ended up getting a down down for that as he is apparently the one who placed the liquor check there for the homeless lady for “boofing” (look that up on urban dictionary). I am frankly rather glad I did not do Eagle, it seemed to be a shit show…literally. Genital Tongs also called herself out for blood on trail as she apparently started her period on trail. Turkeys did not even get a chance to find the liquor check because the trail was such a disaster! We were then able to move on to far more depressing affairs, like the fact that Puff hit 800 consecutive hashes, I mean shit! Get a life man!

We discussed some upcoming announcements, Fog City RDR happened on Saturday, PCL can no longer go on the Aids ride so feel free to go but the organizer has dropped out! We then sang happy birthday to our useless hares!

On-on

Pussy Wood