Hash Trash # 803 on 6/18/15

June 25, 2015SCH3 Trashshallowhole

Occasional Rapist and Ho to Housewife’s Beerthday Hash!

This week, the birthday Harriettes ruled. How lucky were they to have the same birthday and on a Thursday! There was a Hawaiian theme. The pack met at the New Bohemia Brewing Company on 41^st Ave. What a cool new place! They have great beer and I’m sure we’ll be back. Hashers dressed in Hawaiian garb convened upstairs. Waxi Pad and his friend Andrew were already 3 beers in when I arrived. His friend thought we were a strange cult, so they opted for the Crow’s Nest beach party instead of trail. Fingernips was downstairs most of the time because she was flirting with men at the bar. Aside from hashers, there was a large party sitting at a table and 3 dreadlock stoned hippie guys sitting on a couch. Apparently one of them was behind me when I went to go to the restroom. He obviously wasn’t paying attention and tried to follow me into the bathroom. I shut the door in his face by mistake. I might have given him a bloody nose because he was holding his hands over his nose. Luckily the pack was about to leave.

The pack circled up out back and headed out. My GPS logged trail at 3 miles and meandered through the jewel box, down to the Capitola Wharf and followed the ocean up Opal Cliff Drive to East Cliff Drive. There were 2 Blue Hawaiian liquor checks. Yum! There was a hare snare on East Cliff. The FRB’s caught up with the hares. It was rumored that if the hares write “beer near” then it’s not a hare snare. However, the pack quickly shot down that theory at religion. There are no rules in the hash. Beer check was at the beach down the stairs at East Cliff and 34^th Avenue.

Religion was at Wicked Retahted’s house. There was a bonfire waiting for the pack to arrive. Dirty Dolmas was in the house heating up pizza, when she came out asking for a fire extinguisher. Not sure what happened, but the house didn’t catch fire and the pack was served homemade pizza! Dung Fu Grip was RA, and Fingernips was Beer Fairy. First down down was awarded for Dung Fu’s hare snare. There was almost a second hare snare. Puff was taking a photo of the ocean up the stairs near the second liquor check. The hares had to hide from him so he wouldn’t see them. Occasional Rapist hid behind a garbage can and Ho to Housewife hid behind a car (with people in it). Luckily Puff is old and probably going deaf and blind, so he did not spot the hares. Hashers punished for missing the liquor checks (and trail in general) were Flip Flops on the Rocks, Just Walter and Just Larry. They said they went back to Wicked’s house to start the bonfire. Dog Breath called out Just Stephanie for wearing a r*cist shirt. Dog Breath drank because it was only a Fleet Feet shirt, not a race shirt. Fucked Over Fest drank for bragging about being FRB. He drank a large amount of the first liquor check waiting for the pack to arrive. The pack sang happy birthday to Ho to Housewife, Occasional rapist, Cumcerto and Just Walter. Fuck you! Pink Cherry Licker celebrated her 125^th and Occasional Rapist celebrated her 200^th Surf City Hash! Get a life! Snapping Twat arrived late and got called out for auto hashing to beer check. Dog Breath called out the hares for littering with leftover chalk on trail. We had a visitor. Symphomaniac was visiting from Berlin and in town for a wedding. Waxi Pad showed up just in time for a down down. I drank too for being distracted by conversation and singing him a repeat song. Waxi spent all night trying to convince his friend Andrew that we were not a weird cult. When they showed up at religion and he saw the bonfire and the singing, he was a little freaked out. Let’s face it. Hashing is not for everyone. I don’t think he’ll be back. And last but not least, the Hares………………..

The Hares ended the celebration with cupcakes and champagne. Right on!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 801

June 5, 2015SCH3 TrashCockThrobbin

We started at Hophead Public House in Scotts Valley and the pack must have been ready for trail because they were rowdy! Sitting out front, getting this group to calm down was hard to swing, but soon enough this hash got started.

Hares Shallow Hole, Twisted Fister and Toilet Baby set off and hashers finished their beers before setting out on trail.

The pack followed trail wondering the streets of Scotts Valley raising alarm with whistles, yelling and who knows what else as we made our way by the soccer moms and SUVs that are Scotts Valley on a typical day.

Toilet Baby made sure there was shiggy and water on this trail. We went over some hills and down in the tunnels.

Before we saw the light again and found beer to help us forget this sh***y trail.

Occasional Rapist was beer fairy. Virgin Tom disappointed everyone with a joke. Courtesty Flush was punished with a down down for bad grammar on trail and Summer’s Yeast celebrated her 25th hash.

On on on took us back where we started at Hop Head Public House because hashers know how to repeat offend when it comes to drinking!

On On,

Cock Throbbin

Hash Trash # 799 on 5/28/15

June 2, 2015SCH3 Trash, Uncategorizedshallowhole

Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy just got married and Just Foot Pussy lost his hareginity. Twisted Fister acted as hare chaperone for these two newlyweds out to celebrate their recent nuptials with a shitty trail. Bacon Queef had a run in with the cops on her first haring experience last year, and it was about time she got back in the saddle and give haring another try. She also got the honor of breaking new hubby Just Foot Pussy’s hare cherry! The pack met at the Crepe Place. Hugh Heifer was a no show this week. Apparently she got drunk and fell down 3 steps (not 3 flights of steps) as the rumor originally stated. Luckily she is ok. Diddler on the Roofie made a rare appearance this week. Blamed work for not hashing. Dung Fu Grip showed up in a white rockin 70’s looking pantsuit right out of Saturday Night Fever. I think the hares wanted people to wear white this week, but no one else got the memo. Pussy Wood told us this was her last hash for 2 months. She was all packed and ready to go to France. What for you ask? To study lizards of course. Whatever floats your boat sister! I would rather drink French wine and go shopping! We had 2 Virgins this week. Virgin Nate and Virgin Stephanie. Twat Did You Say? just got back from getting root canal at the dentist and decided to stop by the bar and numb her pain. Some guy brought a bulldog puppy into the bar. The puppy was immediately swarmed by a bunch of dog loving ladies. The puppy loved all the attention. It was really cute! The guy handed Twat the leash for a few minutes and I thought she was going to bolt out the door with the dog. So now we know. Guys, if you want to attract the ladies, get a puppy. LOL

Trail was 3 miles according to my GPS. There was an Asian wine check, 3 fishhook checks and a candy ring check in front of the Hitching Post. The hares put a number next to the fishhook checks to tell how many FRB’s that need to go back and give the “treat” to the DFL’s. Cumcerto, dBASED and I got the second one. dBASED was pissed off and refused to go all the way back to the DFL’s. I ended up following his hare arrows and missed the ring check. Beer check was in someone’s yard.

Religion was at Puff’s house. Dung Fu Grip was RA and Dog Breath was Beer Fairy. dBASED got called out for saying “fuck the fishhook BS” and refused to go all the way back to the DFL’s. A bunch of other hashers accidently shortcutted trail and missed the ring check because we were all following dBASED’s marks. Wicked Retahted got called up for passing by the boob check before any harriettes arrived. Twisted Fister drank because he wasn’t paying attention and told the same story about dBASED and the fishhook. When one hare drinks, they all drink! dBASED drank again for telling sexually inappropriate stories at Norm’s family memorial. So if anyone dies, PLEASE DO NOT ask dBASED to say the obituary. The hares were in the process of drawing a big penis on the sidewalk when a cop pulled up at the stop sign. They told the cop they were on a “treasure hunt”. Luckily they were not carted off in handcuffs. I got a lovely rendition of the happy birthday song. Fuck you too! There were several analversaries this week. Tits and Game celebrated her 25^th, Cumcerto celebrated her 69^th, Fap Jack celebrated his 75^th, and Puff celebrated his 725^th surf City Hash. Get a life! Virgin Nate told a really long joke about VD and dead frogs. Occasional Rapist couldn’t wait for the punchline, so she pulled down is pants. Fuck Ya! Virgin Stephanie also told a joke, but it was short. And last but not least, the hares……………….

Congratulations you two!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash 798: Fire and Planks

May 24, 2015SCH3 Trash, UncategorizedCockThrobbin

We met at El Palomar in the Harbor and it all went downhill, I mean in circles, from there. Dung Fu Grip was our solo hare and he warned us to watch out for speed checks, lots of speed checks.

Our two Virgins, Virgin Aaron and Virgin Anne are probably never coming back and still trying to forget us.

ThmpThmp giving the virgins the trail low-down

Trail set out into the neighborhoods where we ran in circles trying to solve check after check. Then we realized our hare was hiding in the bushes to add more checks. We found out later he had a bike too–never trust a hasher!

Liquor check came early so at least we had a little fuel for the trail.

Liquor Check, why so suspicious PussyWood? What could possible go wrong on the hash?

We followed trail back into the harbor and into Arana Gulch where we watched wildlife (cows) and into what Fucked Over Fest called Little Africa.

After some scratchy running we walked the plank over Arana Creek to beer check. Hashers are drinkers not swimmers so walking the plank scared the s**t out of some.

The end of the plank ain't bad. — The end of the plank ain’t bad.

Everyone made it over and back though and we made our way toward the harbor for on-on at Twin Lakes Beach. A bonfire was started thanks to Courtesy Flush who rushed around in search of drift wood and donated his private stash of toilet paper to spark a fire. No one wanted to know what else Courtesy Flush keeps in that handy backpack of his (we secretly really wanted to know but were too frightened to ask).

Another shitty view in Santa Cruz at Twin Lakes Beach

As the sun went down, the flames came up. Our bonfire took off and Dung Fu Grip brought out his staff. His FIRE staff, you dirty half minds. Dung Fu Grip, Shallow Hole and Ho 2 Housewife tried out their hippy ways and took a turn with the fire staff. The rest of us enjoyed our beach carni entertainment, wincing when the fire looked like a close call.

Just Wendy was our beer fairy for the evening and oh man was she happy about it! That hasher sure likes to take her shirt off–a hasher before she even knew it.

We celebrated Bacon Queef’s 25th hash (get a life!) Back sliders Fucked Over Fest, Accuprick, Courtesy Flush and Twat Did You Say? were punished with a down down. Just Wendy, Princess Di(arrhhea) and Finger Nips were punished for missing Beer Check. And then a naming. Jennif..I mean Jenniqu…I mean Jess…Oh I have no idea what name she started with, but she will now and forever be known as PediFiddler.

PediFiddler salutes the hash for her awful name.

And finally, our hare. Dung Fu Grip was punished for another shitty trail.

Dung Fu Grip trying to justify his shitty trail. — Dung Fu Grip not even trying to justify his shitty trail.

May the hash go in peace. On-on Hashers!

Cock Throbbin

Last Call Norm tribute

May 21, 2015Uncategorizeddbased

First of all, Last Call Norm was originally a Monterey Bay Hasher. My recollection is she started hashing with Monterey Bay in the late 90’s and she definitely got her name there . She was the first Monterrey Bay Hasher to “discover” the Surf City Hash. She discovered the Surf City Hash because she found flour in downtown Santa Cruz and knew it was not from a Monterrey Bay Hash. The interesting thing is that when she first discovered it, she didn’t let anyone else know. As memory serves me (13 1/2 years later) somehow the info got out about a week later and with that the Monterey Bay Hashers started checking out the Surf City Hash soon afterward.

In case you don’t know how she got her name, here is the story. At that time, she had her name on the wall at 99 Bottles something like 40 times. 99 beers gets your name on the wall once. 9 X 99 gets you a bar stool. 25 X 99 gets you a brick. Go check it out. She has had a brick at 99 Bottles in downtown Santa Cruz forever. Anyway, besides all those times being on the wall at 99 Bottles, her last name is Peterson – like Norm in Cheers. So, Last Call Norm.

I have many fond memories of events with Last Call Norm. Here are a few.

I convinced her to run the Calistoga to Napa relay TWICE. I think she hated it in the middle of night each time. I was never in her van. She even bought a vehicle specifically designed as the perfect relay vehicle. It was not too long, had beds and a toilet. One year we had 2 teams, some from Southern California and I convinced her to let a crop of strangers spend the night the night before.

She hated driving over bridges. She could not keep her eyes open.

The inauguration of her rec room. If you’ve been there, there is a narrow stairway up to the top level. Hashers were appointed the task of trying to get a couch to the rec room. Many engineers tried. All failed that evening. If you ever go the rec room, look for the couch and wonder how it ever got there.

The animal house New Years party at her house in Surf City Hash year 2.. It was a joint Surf City/Monterey Bay event. I was not there, but I got numerous reports of an orgy that happened in what is now Pearl’s “train” room. Because I was the GM of the Monterey Bay Hash, I apologized for the actions of Hashers, even though I was not there. This was last time she has an over night party in her house for Hashers.

Surf City Hash 32 where she I got Hashers to go through tunnels at the Fish Hook. Read about it here: http://web.archive.org/web/20031027095908/https://sch3.net/ht_0032.htm#Trash

She was the Beer Meister for the Monterey Bay Hash and had a room pretty much dedicated to being the Beer Meister.

She was the first Surf City Hasher to arrive at the start in a cab.

If I have my history right, she was the Surf City GM from 2006-2008. During her tenure we passed bylaws and officially became a non-profit. It should be noted that work is now null and void.

The year I got divorced (2004-2005), I asked if I could spend half my nights in a spare bedroom at her house and she accepted. I might still have a key to her house!

Her wedding to Pearl Necklace. Not a numbered hash run, but quite an event.

Surf City Hash 700 where Occasional Rapist and I had our hash wedding at her house.

Wharf to Barf was originally a Monterey Bay Hash event (even before my time) that was Sunday only. We started at Neary Lagoon (with a giant condom) and walked along the railroad tracks to the start. I think running with the giant condom is how she discovered the hash. The next year and all years thereafter, Wharf to Wharf Racist started at her house instead.

Her kids did baby sitting for me for a period of time. At Hot Wheels 3 year old birthday party, when Little Spit was 2 weeks old, somehow I got word they wanted to come to the birthday party (which included a bounce house). Last Call Norm had memories of her teen age children going to a birthday party for 3 year olds. I think we had a Monterey Bay Hash that day too.

Her kids have Hash names of Brave Fart and Fast Balls. They did many Hashes in the early years of the Surf City Hash.

Monterey Bay Hash 300. The Hash starts on the East side of Henry Cowell and ends on the West side of Henry Cowell. It crosses the San Lorenzo river 3 times. Last Call Norm falls and hits her head on a rock and gets blood everywhere. Brave Fart is 9 at time and doing the run with her and rather freaks out (as you would expect a 9 year old to do when her mom’s face is covered in blood). At the end the Hash, I get reports “Last Call Norm has fallen in the river”. Well, it’s a long way from where I am to where she is. I have an off duty Fireman with me (No Fucking Response) who at one point advises I call 911, which I do. They eventually arrive, they take all my vital statistics and hers, and she refuses services. Today, I’m amazed no fines were levied. Perhaps that’s because we didn’t mention beer.

So, here’s to you Last Call Norm. You were true blue!

Hash Trash # 800: Surf City Red Dress Run on May 9, 2015

May 18, 2015SCH3 Trashshallowhole

The scene was the Rush Inn. We had a huge turnout this year! This year also happened to fall on Hugh Heifer’s birthday! There were a total of 62 hashers and a large number of visitors. We had visitors from Silicone Valley, Monterey Can’d, East bay, San Francisco, Fresno, Sacramento and Portland. Several Surf City Hashers opened up their homes to take in visitors. You rock!

Red dresses were everywhere! It looked like a Valentino fashion show for Halfminds! There were short slutty dresses and long glamorous dresses. Dung Fu Grip and Insem-moo-nater both went for the ultra-conservative look this year. Tiny Wanker wore a pretty conservative poka dot number. Transcuntnanal and Thmp-Thmp obviously shop in the same stores because they showed up in matching dresses. Apple Bobber showed up in a sexy red schoolgirl outfit. Broke Bench Mountain looked particularly lovely. He and Cock Throbbin were comparing prices of their red wigs. My two personal favorites were Electric Labia Land’s hot sequin dress and Tits and Game’s short poofy prom dress.

Twisted Fister hared the walker trail and dBASED and New Kids on my Cock hared the Turkey/Eagle trails. Half the pack did the walker trail. The Eagle trail was about 4 miles to beer check according to my GPS. After a little jaunt downtown, we headed to the seedy part of town along the San Lorenzo river levee to Harvey West Park where our red dresses entertained families at a baseball game and other parties. We passed one party blasting Mexican music. They yelled some shit at us in Spanish. Trail continued into the woods, up the stairs and exited out at Meadow Road to Sheridan Ave. What must go up must come down. So we took Highland back down the hill and ended up at beer check at Dirty Dolma’s house. After the beer check, the pack walked to a liquor check on a set of steps leading to downtown, and then to another beer check at the Catalyst. We invaded the upstairs bar at the Catalyst.

Religion was at the top of Oswald’s parking garage. Dung Fu Grip was RA and Tiny Wanker was Beer Fairy. Visitors were called up first. Too many to count. Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, and Project Cumway were called up for going to eat Chinese food instead of doing trail. There were a couple accusations of crimes but they were lame. There was a virgin Eric who dropped trow. Broke Bench Mountain was called up for wearing a thong that wasn’t large enough to hold his large left ball. Wicked Retahted celebrated his 100^th Surf City Hash! Get a life! And last but not least, the Hares…………

The pack went back to the Rush Inn for food and more beer!

Everybody knows that cancer sucks balls! This event raised $1000 for WomenCare, an organization that provides free services to women with cancer in the Santa Cruz community.

Sadly, this was the last Red Dress Run for Last Call Norm, who lost her battle with cancer on 5/12/15. She was a long time Surf City hasher and loved by all. Happy trails Norm, and may there be unlimited beer in heaven.

This hash song serves well as an Ode to Cancer (sung to the tune of Old Lang Syne)

Dear Cancer,

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

See you Wankers on Thursday!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Surf City Hash House Harriers

A drinking club with a running problem in Santa Cruz

Hash Trash # 803 on 6/18/15

Hash # 801

Hash Trash # 799 on 5/28/15

Hash 798: Fire and Planks

Last Call Norm tribute

Hash Trash # 800: Surf City Red Dress Run on May 9, 2015