Hash Trash #682

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Trail 682 was hared my the sister hares Princess Di-arrhea and Cumcerto. This was the first haring for Cumcerto. We started at the one double Oh seven club bar, whew that place can get mighty smokey, but we we’re able to tolerate the room to the left whilst drinking a coldie before trail (most of us anyways). Off we went, through Seabright neighborhood, criss crossing seabright and Cayuga after solving some false checks.  Now where the trail gets fuzzy is where Cuff my muff, and Wicked Retahted and myself got lost in translation, but I think I know what happend using my special ESP. Somehow no one ever saw the check down by the tracks, got smudged somehow, so off the pack ran accross the tressle there was a YBF. There was also a YBF toward the other direction of Days Market on the tracks (we saw this after we got our bareback burgers togo heading to the old night owl bar for our beer). Us lost DFL’s ran toward the SC History Museum and East cliff. Once we got there, we said, screw it let’s go get a burger and a beer! And off trail we went. But the pack was able to navigate trail back up hill toward’s Ocean View Park, where they we’re greeted by a friendly Security guard, now where in the hell was this guy when Shallow Hole and I hared 2011 Halloween Hash? This guy was making jokes about “watching out for them Vampires” in reference to some movie called “the Lost Boys”? Anyhow, then there was a liquor check of Jim Beam, wow, that tasted some nasty, Dog Breathe grabbed it so the security guard wouldn’t change his mind about the pack playing in the park. The activity on trail was getting us half-minds to use wax paper and slide down the park slides, LOL! I WISH I could have seen that one! Make them work for their alcohol! Off through Seabright neighborhood once again the trail led the pack, back over Soquel, near the bar behind “Monkey Girl Beads” store where beer check existed. They made so much noise a curious neighbor showed up to learn all about the hash and drink a beer with the pack! Way to go! Now that’s what I call friendly relations. Religion was at casa de Puff the Magic Drag Queen (PTMDG). Accuprick played RA and appointed Just Sierra his beer fairy. Ralphie got his down down for most back slider that ever existed. Down downs for all hashers whom did not participate in the slide “activity”, then of all things Hugh and Dog Breathe decided to have a sing off of some stupid American Idol rendition. Hugh won. Accuprick reported and depicted quite nicely some good interactions with some undesirables on trail down by the tressle. And afterward, Just Sierra’s dog was found to be nawing on some dead deer leg that still had hair all over it, in the yard lawn of the house infront of PTMDG’s place,  yuk! And the hares……..

So remember we have Red Dress Run coming down the pike on May 11th, Saturday at 3pm, GO GET YOUR RED DRESS! Do it now!

Also This week hash #683, I’ll be co-haring with Mr. Wicked himself in his backyard of Pleasure Point. This is a fun Cowboy/Cowgirl themed hash so let’s get dolled up and wear our finest, bestest cowboy attire! I’m wearing boots and so is he and yes we will run in them! See all of ya all later:)

On On

Occasional Rapist

Hash Trash # 681, April 11, 2013

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Newly Named Twisted Fister stupidly chose veteran hasher dBASED as his mentor for his first haring venture.   They brought the hash to my neck of the woods, to Jia Tella’s Next Door bar in Scotts Valley.   

 

 

 

What do I remember about the trail?  Not much.  It was a mixture of neighborhood streets, a fair amount of shiggy, hills, and believe it or not, I didn’t get lost.  and neither did the rest of the pack.

 

All hashers were accounted for at beer check.  We all assumed beer check would be in the parking lot of dBASED’s office, but we passed through the parking lot and headed down the street.   Twisted Fister paid off a little kid to tell hashers to go the wrong way at a check.  I got suckered into the little bastard’s lie, and found a false trail.  There was only one other way to go, so the pack headed up a hill and quickly found beer check.  We didn’t stay there too long because we were getting eaten alive by bugs.

Religion was in the parking lot of dBASED’d office.  Accuprick was RA, and appointed newly named The Human Pube and his Beer Fairy.  Thmp-Thmp was called up for not remembering the words to the song he chose for the Beer Fairy.  Plastic Pussy and Slonad were called up for getting bit by mosquitos on trail.  dBASED also drank because apparently the mosquitos don’t bite him.  He was accused of smelling so bad that even the mosquitos don’t like him.  His Co-Hare joined him for his down down.  Twat did you Say? was called up for not paying attention.  She has been distracted working hard on finishing her thesis.  Princess Di (arrhea) was congratulated on completing her 69th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!

We had another naming!  Twisted Fister did not divulge any useful dirt on his lovely wife, Just Christine.  Her first hash was on Valentine’s Day and at Religion she flashed the pack a glow in the dark mustache sticker above her snatch.   So she was named Mustsnatch!  Welcome to the hash! 

Princess Di (arrhea) was chastised for stealing a child’s princess hat from a fence post on trail.  Some little kid is probably crying right now and some pathetic mother is driving around looking for another hat.  Evidently no one told Twisted Fister what happens when you wear new shoes to the hash.  He was punished by drinking beer from one of his new shoes.  Nasty!

And last but not least, the Hares……………………..

 

See you wankers on Thursday!

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  It’s time to go dress shopping!  The Surf City H3 Red Dress Run is Saturday May 11th at 3:00 pm at the Rush Inn.  More details on the Red Dress Run link.

Lampshade Hash SCH3# 680

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We gathered at Aptos BBQ, it was quite funny to see the reactions of other customer’s as we all wore some sort of lampshade on our heads. Some of us got really into the decoration’s, while some decided just to get a lampshade and strap it on their heads in some sort of fashion. Didn’t matter much we all looked funny and ridick-luous and we love that about hashing don’t we? Well what can I say about trail, it was one fucked up mess thats for sure. Hot Wheels and his e-vile dad dBASED took us on a ride for sure. Cuff and I we’re DFL’s and discovered flour by the railroad tracks as the pack was heading down frontage road, they then turned around and we all headed back down Soquel drive, what the hares didn’t want us to do was to go up to the tracks at the light intersection by the old Britania Arms, thats where we caught the hare dBASED running back from laying trail, he sat until we were out of sight. Meanwhile Hot Wheels was running past down Soquel towards Nisene while we were roaming through the parking lot of Rancho DeLMar. We did a nice loop around Seacliff, back down the railroad tracks to the bike park and up Cathedral where we had beer check in a family friends driveway. Miles we had to endure was a little over 3. Thank goodness we had good beer at the end to make up for this nightmare. Religion was behind the OLD Antique barn next to the bike park. Accuprick played RA and appointed the new lovely harriettes Just Jenna and Bareback his beer mistresses. First down down was for Wicked, as lately he hasn’t been running trail, he says “because I’m old” , well you know what they say Wicked, if you don’t use it you lose it! Second down downs went to hasher’s whom did not follow directions or were too fuckin cheap to go get a lampshade to wear, Cumcerto, Puff and Princess Di-arrhea. What is funny about Cumcerto is first she complained on the FB hash page about everyone taking all the lampshades from the goodwill stores, but then she did get lucky and admitted to have bought one, but then in the end decided not to wear it? WTF? Where is your hashing spirit! I hope everyone get’s in the spirit when the Cowgirl/Cowboy hash comes to town, I think we need to start giving some incentives to participating, any suggestions? OK, it seems every week Kai decides to shit on trail, now partly this is Hugh’s fault, as we dog owner’s all know dogs take a crap within the first 15-30 minutes of exercising, so hello, walk your pooch before trail and we won’t sing ya the “Shit tanya” song ok? I feel for our new hasher Just Zack he was welcomed this night into our hasher SCH3 family as “The Human Pube”, sorry dude I voted for the cool reaggae name. But Welcome!! Then since we saw so many of Aptos un-desirables on trail this fine evening, we decided to call up all Aptos resident’s and or hashers that could be defined as trailer trash, so Deep Stroke was the first to go there, as she says “I don’t really have an address”. And the hares….don’t go too far, we have to endure the evil-e dBASED one more fuckin time tonight, he is de-virginizing Twisted fister into the haring world, god bless him and us all. See you tonight at The Next Door (to Jia Tella’s that is)bar at 6:33PM!

On On

Occasional Rapist

Brew 2 Brew – Hash Trash #679

SCH3 Trash

In the fun spirit of Occasional Rapist’s tipsy trash last week (and for shits n’ giggles) I should’ve gotten fucked up before writing this. I should also be drinking to forget the fact that I pitifully DFL’d at a brutal SVH3 hash recently. Too bad I was still feeling off my game this week because I knew Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Timmy!!! were haring Surf City. The last A to B death march they brewed up together took us from Brit 2 Brit (crAptos to Crapitola). Well, this time their trail went from brew 2 brew. We started at newly opened Discretion Brewing on 41st Ave. It’s next to Granny Purps. Don’t even front like you don’t know where that is, you stoners! The beer was good and the place was packed. At first we got some stink eye from other patrons for over-crowding the bar and cockblocking the door, but soon enough we were making pals. Thmp-Thmp may have recruited the cashier to join us next week and Hugh Heifer’s doggie daycare charge Kai chewed through her leash to try and hang with us inside. Bareback joined our kennel this week. She’s moved to SC all the way from Tajikistan! I completely bungled up introducing Bareback to Brokebench so the beer there must be strong. Or I’m lame. Definitely both.

dBASED circled up the pack like a big dawg and sent us off to sniff trail. Somebody finally got a good whiff across 41st Ave. and the pack skedaddled through traffic. I was the only goody-goody asshole who got stuck at the light at a crosswalk so I made myself useful by kicking the check—for no one. I waited alone so long for the light to change, it was obvious I was DFL now, again. At least I wasn’t stuck with that damn bag of chalk like last week, courtesy of big sis Cumcerto. The whole pack missed the turkey-eagle split in the Home Creepo parking lot and followed the leader straight to the grassy eagle trail that paralleled the freeway. Next to the Wharf Rd. overpass, we took a steep dirt path under a cyclone fence gap. What a great place for a Kodak moment! To avoid a butt slide and an undies load of dirt, I went front side down and was almost hung by the boobs with my kilt. With that hazard behind us, Deep Stroke suddenly came up the rear (that sounds so wrong) as the true DFL. We could only assume she fell behind while loading up on “trail supplies” back at Granny Purps.

Safely on Wharf Rd. pavement, we went on-right down Soquel Wharf Rd., through the yard of Soquel Elementary and up the Walnut St. hill. Deep Stroke punched her turbo button, powered up the hill and disappeared into the distance. On the long stretch down Soquel Dr., I passed four walkers while I tried to catch up to the pack. It was on-right at Inner Light Church, through a neighborhood and back to another grassy trail that led to another church. This is where I heard Wicked Retahted had déjà vu, got confused, and was convinced that trail was going in circles. He must’ve stopped at Granny Purps earlier, too. It was on-right at Park Ave. and on-right at Kennedy Dr. It was getting dark and I was alone, so it was time to hustle and get ‘er done.

Beer check was finally in sight at Sante Adairius Rustic Ales Brewery. I arrived far behind the runners and far ahead of the walkers. I heard that Deep Stroke had passed ALL the hounds and “won”. Hmm…the old DFL to FRB conversion. Show off!! Hare Puff hooked us up with our very nice consolation prizes: a cheese platter, a veggie platter and another good fancy ass craft beer served in a douchey stemmed glass. When the beertender cut us off at closing time, Puff stuffed us into his rented paddy wagon and ferried us back to the start.

Down downs went down under a floodlight in the Home Depot parking lot right next to busy 41st Ave. Somehow we flew under the radar right out in the open. dBASED was RA/beer fairy and the shitty beer began to flow. Cuff My Muff came through with the cheezy poofs–it’s what’s for dinner. Deep Stroke was an overachieving racist. Hairy Potter was our backsliding new daddy and got the taco burrito song. Thank you, proud Papa Potter, for informing us your baby girl falls in the taco category. Pink Cherry Licker was busted for tech on trail for calling Papa Timmy!!! to let him know she was “safe with Wicked”. Ha! As if! Brokebench earned his 200 patch and Thmp got his 75. Virgin Sierra did an interpretive dance that unfortunately did not require a lap nor a pole. And the hares…

On on on was in the comfort of our private room in Round Table Pizza. There was a buttload of pizza, beer, and a TV showing Full House with all of those sweet mullets. Pink Cherry Licker says Timmy!!! used to have a mullet back in the day… and she might bring a pic next time to prove it! In that case, we all MUST cum next week for the lampshade hash that will start at Aptos St. BBQ. Good thing they have a fantastic beer selection there. You’re going to need some serious pre-lube to prep for another one of dBASED’s terrible trails.

Hash Trash #678

SCH3 Trash

It’s always a pleasure to resume being a hash scribe. I might not be clever, I might not be all in tow.  But somehow I will make this exciting in someway, at least I hope. Hey wanna have sex? Gotcha!! didn’t I? Is anybody really reading these hash scribe write ups?  I ask myself. Trail 678 , what can I say , It was hared by our fearless leader TIMMY!!! This time his smart Pink Cherry Licker daughter decided she’s not co-hare! I forgot to track trail I was well into half way before I fuckin realized I needed to track, shit. dBASED my lovin stud future co-M word  loving better not half-partner, being said trail was like 2.5 miles to religion. OK Stop. I was very excited to have ran by the Sash mill, aka Adventure Sports. I got SCUBA certified there back in 1989, by Denis Judson’s then dive crew, yeah while many of you shits were not even born  yet I got to dive, yeah you can too someday. Anyhoot, I was hoping trail went into that place, but it did not, it sommered up to Holy Crosss. I got to feel the energy of the kaykers for a moment in time. They are very kinder to me. I am a kayaker, and I am a diver double wammy, I am also a fuckin hasher, I like water!! Yes! Any fuckin how! We sped then up to Holy Cross , LC was right there, leftover Bushmills I presume from TIMMY”s abode from St,. Patty’s day, thank you I think. Thanks BRO!! Then we crossed misson to my fav. street (green) down town bound!! Beer check was at a great abandanded fuckin un used parking lot stack! I hate that shit but it works! OK so we had lots of virgins: Brought on by a man named Dirty Latecummer! He is so good lookin! He brought some cute virgin’s for us to assalt, and tease, and love at some point) He is relocated from Santa Barbara or Bastard’s H3? Not sure but I accept him, we accept him, and we really like the fact he brought virgins! Jenna, Annika, Joss! We got to see tits from 2 virgins ( Jenna,Annika( I was hoping we’d see some dick from joss but somehow that didn’t hapen. Its ok. I can wait Joss:) Alright Im sorry But im done with stupidity, the rest is shit really. Same old same old.  Deep stroke likes to stroke the free beer shit. BUT One thing to mention is OUR loving or not so loving SHCLONG DIVISION has found a new home/job in SF! We will miss his ass (not) but bless him ( somewhat feel sorry for SF gypsies) ok, bye bye ass hole!!

On On your Occasional Rapist!

And the fuckin hare, I have no more energy to say anything else, FUCK YOU!!!

 

On oN hate you love u

FUCK me no I am not bi polar or WTF

On On

Occasional fuckin you no! LOL!!

 

Hash 679

SCH3 Hares, SCH3 Hash

Grab something,

       This is for those of you that are not on Surf City’s Yahoo email group. First, join the damn thing!

       Secondly, after joining the group, drag your carcass to Discretion Brewery on Thursday, April 28th. The brewery is located at 2703 41st Avenue behind Cafe Cruz. Parking, however, is sadly limited and it may prove advantageous to park across 41st at Home Depot which, incidentally, is the location for Religion as well. TIMMY & Puff will team up to double-team you. Short trail, A-to-B, free beer. food & beer; what more do ya need to know?

                              On-out,

                             TIMMY & Puff