For the first hash of 2012, the pack headed to downtown Santa Cruz.  Our Hare, Broke Bench Mountain, chose Hula’s Island Grill and Tiki Room as the meet up spot.  He brought a co-hare this week, Just Bennett, instead of his trusty dog Porter.   Speaking of dogs, our Prunetucky resident, Dog Breath resurfaced after 4 months!  He ordered himself a blue girlie drink at the bar and claimed he’d been traveling to Europe and Asia for work and picking up trash on the side of the highway (just for fun).  Banana Basher returned from his “hash free” holiday with his liver rested and ready to make up for lost time.  Six of Nine “officially” hashed this week.   Puff took a photo to prove he actually paid his 8 bucks (and as evidence, if his $ was counterfeit).  Deep Stroke brought a virgin with her.  Virgin Kim teaches deaf children, so naturally she fit right in with our pack of half minds.  After circle up in front of Hula’s, the pack followed a hare arrow left on Cathcart St and after a bit of trouble solving the first check on Cedar, someone yelled “on on” and everyone headed left down Lincoln, to Chestnut, and left on Walnut, and found ourselves at Santa Cruz High School.  The trail lead out to California St, into the depths of Neary Lagoon.  It was dark and a bit freaky when the pontoon walkway started moving under our feet.  No creatures were spotted, but we did scare a bunch of stoned teenagers who were back there partying.  The trail went through the parking lot of an apartment complex and out to Laurel St.   Beer check was in Just Bennett’s backyard.  Hugh Heifer, Canadian Penny Slut, Six of Nine and Virgin Kim mysteriously got there first by “getting lost” and short cutting trail.  Luckily, they left a few beers for the rest of the pack.  Hairy Potter impressed Virgin Kim with his knowledge how to say curse words in sign language.

Religion was at the Front St. parking garage.  Banana, Vince Lamblowme and Choka- cola
skipped the beer check (and most of trail), and were already there drinking when the rest of the pack arrived.  Vince Lamblowme took over his Co-Religious Advisor position, and appointed the lovely Choka- cola as his Beer Fairy.  Hugh Heifer was congratulated for her 200 th hash with Surf City (someone owes her a patch by the way).  Banana Basher, Dog
Breath, Vince Lamblowme were punished for being backsliders.  Virgin Kim disappointed the pack by telling a lame joke and “her sponsor” Deep Stroke did her down down with her.   Banana Basher, Hugh Heifer, Canadian Penny Slut, and Six of Nine were chastised for short cutting trail.    And the hares…………….Broke Bench Mountain (The Creature from Neary Lagoon) and Just Bennett for laying a shitty trail.

On On,

Shallow Hole

This hash was up North in the beautiful but shit ass cold mountains of Boulder Creek. Joe’s bar is a fixture of this community. “If you haven’t been to Joe’s, you haven’t been to Boulder Creek!” Hashing up here is when we see the local SCH3 hasher’s, backslider’s they were: Pussy Galore, Goldicock’s, Duuuh, Broken shaft, Broke bench and Comes out my nose, even Just Linda decided to return hash #2 (she lives close too). This was a birthday hash for Hairy fuck 2.5, whom hared this shitty run with Pussy Galore. We had a GREAT turnout 22 of us. Heck we even had two visitor’s, Just Felipe from Portland (3rd hash ever anywhere), and his side kick Virgin Court, from NYC but they we’rent noticed until religion or was it beer check? We ran circles around Hwy 9 and 236. ‘Where the cow roam’ was a killer hot buttered run check-TIMMY! was heard yelping “Warm’s your cockles!” . Then with a BN signage! we stopped at Broken shaft & Comes out my nose’s abode on Francis Dr. for some cold brews. This is where we realized that the trail had turned to the Dog’s! Shit everyone whom lives in the mountains has a dog! The pack then scampered toward’s Duuuh’s house on Davidson way for religion. RA Broken shaft let on the charm, down down’s for just about anything he could think of! Backslider’s, crimes on trail, heck even Princess Di-arrhea got down down for beastiality hat (no dog) Hot wheels was scared of the foot bridge we crossed, Wicked retahted was hear yelling “I’ll RACE just Linda!”. Virgin Court gave a lame ass Blonde joke we all knew already. The fucking DFL’s Too drunk to fuck and Just shut up and run bitch! made last call at religion! dBASED whom made a comment his shoes are always untied, in which Wicked Retahted replied (in his usual wicked retahted manner) “My brains are always untied!”. And the hares!
Oh and Six O’ nine was not there!…..and so it was, The last hash of 2011! I hope you enjoyed it!
On…On…On.. into 2012 !!!
Occasional Rapist!

Hash # 610

Christmas Picture Hash 12/22/11

This week, the pack congregated at the home of dBASED in Soquel.  dBASED gave instructions.  This was a picture hash.  There was no chalk or flour.  One hasher would be given a picture of the location the pack had to go.  When they arrive at the location, a hare would be there to give a hasher another picture of the next location, and so on.  Our hares, dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Hot Wheels and Cuff My Muff drove around in warm cars.  A smart decision on a cold winter night.

The hares weren’t out the door 2 minutes, when Hugh Heifer broke into dBASED’s liquor cabinet and started passing around a bottle of peppermint schnapps.  We met Buoy Boobs, who was visiting from Phoenix, AZ.  It was obvious how she got her name.  She said she was originally from Santa Cruz, visiting for the holidays.  We were also visited by Deep Stroke, a previously hard core harriette, who had not hashed for the past 15 years!  Bet she’s sorry she decided to come out of hashing retirement on the night of a dBASED trail!  She said her home hash was Orlando, Florida, but lives in Santa Cruz now.

This was the SECOND week on a row that Banana Basher didn’t show up.  Rumors started flying re: his whereabouts.  Did he retire from hashing?  Puff said that he drove past his house, and his car was there and the lights were on.  Was he home baking Christmas cookies, or sitting on the couch drinking beer and watching football?  The pack was toasty warm with plenty of beer and liquor and seriously considered not leaving the house.

Reluctantly, the pack headed out, first to Willowbrook Park, then to Cabrillo Gym, the Sesnon House, Temple Beth El, the Horticultural Center and a parking garage at Cabrillo College, Twin Lakes Church, Crocker Theater, Soccer Stadium, Bangkok West Restaurant, and FINALLY beer check at Mt Calvary Lutheran Church.

Religion was held in dBASED back yard.  Hairy Fuck 2.5 served as RA.  Cuff my Muff was appointed beer Fairy.  Our visitor, Buoy Boobs received the first down down.   Just Scruffy (Shallow Hole and Waxi Pad’s dog) was named.  After a few minutes of deliberation, the pack welcomed another furry hasher to the pack, forever to be known as Beer Mop!  Shallow Hole was punished for lack of cultural sensitivity for referring to the Jewish
Temple as “the Jew place”.   Occasional Rapist, Cuff My Muff, Buoy Boobs, Deep Shaft, Princess Diarrhea, Shallow Hole and Waxi Pad were given a down down for not bringing a bottle opener or whistle.  Deep Stroke received a down down for being an extreme backslider.  15 years!  But once a hasher, always a hasher.  Hugh Heifer snuck away and went into the house.  But she was caught in an act of bestiality, with Nipple Butt on her lap.  Hairy Fuck 2.5 received a down down for forgetting Deep Stroke’s name.  And last but not least, the hares, who did trail by car, instead of on foot.

Those who stayed home didn’t miss much.  This trail was a tour of churches and Cabrillo College.  We did not find the stolen baby Jesus.  At least the cops didn’t come this week. And for once, NO ONE got lost on a dBASED trail!  Waxi Pad was relieved there was no water crossing.  Maybe he should stick to picture trails!  Thanks to Occasional Rapist for the yummy homemade soup and Princess Diarrhea for the scrumptious cookies!

Happy Hashing and have a Shiggy New Year!

On, On…………

Shallow Hole

This has been dubbed the hash of the Invasion of the virgins! The hasher’s met at the Seabright brewery, the original Santa Cruz 100% Non-organic brewery making Orgasmic beer since 1988. Yes Orgasmic! Swiss army cock and Tiny winey bitch haring this god forsaken group of loser’s. It appeared Just Dan came to get named this night and decided he needed a few virgins to support him (Erika being one of them). Just Ted also showed up and this was his 2nd hash with SC. We chugged our Pelican Pales with vigor as TIMMY gave chalk talk to the 6 virgins that showed up. In some shape or form these virgins had some kind of encounter with hasher’s prior. Virgin TJ (aka total Jock!) came by Johhny Cockring even though he came alone! He said it was his birthday and he was hoping to get lucky! Just Dan made Virgin Rodney come on trail. It was a canine friendly trail so all the hasher’s whom enjoy beastiality brought their beast’s on trail. Virgin Tuala and Virgin Gwendolyn encountered us from Brady’s Yacht club during the Pirates hash so intrigued… they decided to come see what hashing was about. Trail left the bar at usual timing, and most of the pack made their way down to the Harbor. The lighted boats made for a festive show during the hash. Now what would 609 hash be without our only Six o’ nine hasher! He shortcutted his way to find the pack making their way back down Eaton street towards the Pacific Edge climbing gym. He was towing his virgin Stephanie. I will spare you the boring details of trail and shortcut to the juicy part’s. Highlight was the jiggly wiggly fun of getting a jello shot at Fredrick street park, first beer check. Second was at a dock nearest Crow’s Nest restaurant. Religion: we gathered in the parking lot near Pacific Edge climbing gym. RA was Vince van blow me, Occasion Rapist (Occ. Rap.) was the beer fairy chick. Before the cops broke up the party….
This hash produced several milestones! One-Banana missed this hash so Puff TMDG (by the way Puff likes Dragon’s that’s how he came about being named), is now in the top for running the most SCH3 hashes! Then there’s Swiss Army Cock whom hared first time in his hash life. Hairy Potter got down down for his 150th hash this night. For their initiation bit the 6 virgins of which sang stupid songs we all heard before. Virgin TJ bored us with a Cardinal joke, when all the harriette’s wanted was to be shown “one cock will do us”. Then the naming of Just Dan, how many times have we tried to name this fool?Finally the hasher’s decided on Slo Nad, it was a perfect fit! Some hasher comments of the harriette virgins I heard we’re; Gwendolyn: her outfit was so tight her belly button protruded like the stem on a pumkin. Tuala: upon her arrival @ SBB for on-on-on she began taking her clothes off like a stripper late to a bachelor party! Stephanie: she stood quitely and staring during religion like a jew visiting the holocaust museum @ Auschwitz. Erika: her mouth feel open so widely @ songs crooned during religion Puff wanted to toss in a penny to make a wish! and the fuckin’ Hares!!!

And so the story goes…..move over once,  move over twice come on baby, 609 will go down in hasher history!!

On On and On….Occ. Rap!!

Map to trail as done by dBASED

I’ve been told that hashers are all a bunch of losers, low lifes and degenerates, that have nothing better to do than sit in dive bars and drink beer.  It warms my heart to think that our unlikely group of misfits can do something charitable once in a while.  Because of Toys For Tots, there will be a lot of really happy kids on Christmas morning.  A lot of families are struggling to put food on the table this year and can’t afford to buy Christmas gifts for their kids.   So thanks to everyone who showed up this week and for donating a truckload of toys!

This week’s Hare was Timmy!!!   The pack assembled at The Crape Place.  On a map, this trail looks like a wild goose chase.  It made me dizzy just writing it down.  Circle up was in the parking lot behind Jerry’s Sports, introductions were made and the pack was off.  Flour was spotted on the other side of Soquel Ave, so the pack crossed the street.  FRB’s dBASED and Hot Wheels, took off and left the pack in the dust (as usual).  We followed the trail down Seabright, solved a check and went left on Water St.  The pack crossed Water St and headed down Stanford Ave, solved the check on the corner and went left on Keystone Ave.  The trail went Right on Poplar, down an alley to Melrose, then back out to Morrisey Ave.  We crossed Soquel Ave headed down South Morrissey,  right on Gault, left on Darwin, right on Broadway, then left on Seabright, right on Effey, left on Cayuga, left on Windsor, left on Caledonia, right on Windham, right on Ocean View, and back to Soquel.  We crossed Soquel (for the third time), to find  the beer check in the parking lot behind Ristorante Italiano.

Religion was held at Puff’s house.  Accuprick was RA and appointed My Little Bony his Beer Fairy.  First to be called up were the Non-Runners who did not do trail.  Wicked
Retahted, Banana, and My Little Bony, said they were cold, so they cozied up on bar stools at the 007.  Duhhh worked late and got stuck in traffic on the dreaded Highway 17.  Hugh Heifer was ridiculed for tripping over a crack in the sidewalk and falling somewhere along the way.  Possibly on Cayuga.  Hairy Potter and Hairy Fuck 2.5 did a down down for being part of the Hairy family.  Canadian Penny Slut was punished for being a back slider.  Cuff My Muff divulged to the pack that her leaky nipples are lactating beer.  We heard how My Little Bony gave Puff a $20 and received $21 in change.  Bony was honest enough to give it back to him.  Another hasher would’ve kept it and bought a round of shots.  Accuprick brought out something that was supposed to be a “toy for twats”.  It was a blue thing that
looked more like a billy club than a sex toy.  The only harriette that seemed intrigued by it was Hugh Heifer.  It came with a big book of directions.  Maybe she can figure out what it does.  If not, she can leave it in her car to fend off potential muggers.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Neither the blustery December winds, or the thought of Banana Basher being Hare, deterred the pack from assembling at the Jury Room for our weekly hash.  Appears the staff at the Jury Room do not have a calendar, because they still had Their Halloween decorations up.  Accuprick stood outside the bar trying to collect a cover charge from unsuspecting patrons.  He used the excuse that he didn’t like being inside a bar with smokers.  Can’t blame him there.  TIMMY gave Shallow Hole slack for not coming to last week’s hash.  Puff, Hugh Heifer, Wicked Retahted and Shallow Hole told tales of their misadventures at North South.  Puff and Hugh reminisce about their weekend being roommates.  All laugh at the story of Shallow Hole falling into a creek with her cell phone.  Then she tells the miracle of how her i Phone came back to life after 3 days in a bag of rice.  Cuff My Muff, Occasional Rapist, Dbased and Nipple Butt arrived and joined in the merriment.  Nipple Butt had some words with a big black dog at the bar, but became friends when they found Puff with the treats.  A brief appearance was made by Just Dan.  He told the pack that he was meeting a friend for dinner and scurried off without having a beer.  Probably ran off because he was afraid of being named.  The last stragglers, Princess Diarrhea and Thmp-Thmp, showed up right before circle up.

Continue reading Hash 607 – The Full Monty Hash →