Hash # 618 Valentine’s Day Hash 2/9/12

Lovebirds Choka Cola and Hairy Potter summoned the pack to Arana Gulch for the start of this week’s hash.  After some lame directions, the hares were off.   The pack was soon to follow, and headed down Agnes St, followed the trail through an alley and found themselves on Soquel Ave.  We solved the check and headed towards Capitola Rd.  The trail went left, up a hill to what looked like a dead end.  We found flour on the sidewalk and followed trail down a path behind the houses and to a Bum Wine check.  The chocolate flavored wine looked pretty gross in the bottle, but was actually quite delightful.  Tasted like Baileys.  The trail lead past Holy Cross Cemetery and back out to Soquel.  We crossed Soquel and headed up the hill on La Fonda, past Harbor High School.   We followed a path through the grounds of another school and found ourselves on Roxas.  From there, we wandered through neighborhood streets until we found beer check at a house on Alamena St.  The house belonged to friends of the hares.   We were served yummy chocolate Valentine cupcakes and candy.  Then things got a little foggy for some of the pack.   And I thought everyone was going in the house to use the bathroom.  We all stumbled back to Arana Gulch for religion.  Accuprick serves as RA.  SpongeBath NoPants was appointed his lovely beer fairy.  Broke Bench Mountain was called up for something he said.  He seems to have an affinity for the song,  My Girlfriend is a Vegetable.  dBASED and SpongeBath NoPants were reprimanded for an encounter they had with a cat on trail.  dBASED did his third down down of the night for calling Choka Cola Korean.  For Valentine’s Day, the couples were called up.  Choka Cola and Hairy Potter, dBASED and Occasional rapist, and Puff the Magic Drag Queen went up with Banana Basher.  Funny how all the married people left their spouses at home!  And last but not least, the hares………

On another note, Surf City had a grand showing at the Monterey Can’d Hash 2^nd Anal Red Dress Run this past Saturday 2/11/12.  In attendance were:  dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Wicked Retahted, Hugh Heifer, Deep Stroke, Just Kim, Just Rosie, Thmp -Thmp, Princess Diarrhea, Cuff my Muff, Zipper Lips, Swiss Army Cock, and yours truly.  There were 4 beer checks at local bars and the trail ended up at the Mucky Duck.  A great time was had by all.  Some single hashers found some new friends.  Hugh wasn’t one of them (again).

See the link below for my photos

http://www.flickr.com/photos/76500969@N02/sets/72157629293539579/

P.S.  Our St. Patrick’s Day Green Dress Run will be 3/15/12.  All you wankers better start dress shopping!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hello my fellow hashers! It’s been a longtime! We had another great hash on Thursday #616, new to haring Canadian Penny Slut was the hare with her co-hare Shallow Hole! No skunk repellant was necessary on this trail. Apparently the family of skunks that raided Waxi-pad, Shallow, and beer mop’s home left after torturing them for almost 2 week’s! Or was it the otherway around? We met at the infamous Red Room downtown. We had a good turnout, even Mrs. Groper popped in for pre-lube. Trail went zig zagged through some cool street’s of downtown SC, Center, to New Street. Before we did this we did cross path’s with some local bum’s camped out what I think was behind the public library? They seemed interested in what we we’re doing. New street has some really cool historical homes. We ventured up through Santa Cruz High School, up Chestnut to where beer check was off Mission in a parking lot behind an office buidling. Good place for BC. Of course all the FRB’s we’re there before us walker’s. The trail was ~ 1.6 miles=map .  Mostly uneventful until religion. At the start there was some commotion where it was found Swiss Army Cock had handcuffed Hairy Potter! I think he was jealous he got picked as the beer fairy! Luckily our Cuff my Muff being the person she is had keys to unlock the cuff’s-Go Cuff! Religion was at the top of Oswald’s parking garage-RA: Accuprick, beer fairy: Hairy Potter. We had several backslider’s: Broke Bench-(whom by the way has lost about 15 pounds and can see his dick now–ziggy zaggy), Ralphie Cramed-in, Hairy Fuck 2.5, Wicked Retahted. Broke bench was infamous this night as he also got his 169 Hashing badge of dis-honor. Was I hearing things right when Tiny Whiny Bitch got a down down for, “tight mudd”? patches we’re thrown upon Canadian Penny Slut and Shallow Hole for “experienced hares”. Really? On on on was enjoyed by 9 of us bastard’s at the I love Sushi, we’re we we’re given free sake and free app.’s.! HMO Bowl, StuporBowl Hash #617–if you we’re unfortunate enough to have attended either of these event’s lord or mighty! The HMO Bowl was a disaster game for the yellow team -at alf time Both yellow team and blue team we’re tied. As I watched from the sidelines with Ram Pam and ET, I thought to myself, these blokes actually look like they know what there doing! But in the end Yellow team (which had dBASED, Hot Wheels, and?) lost, it was a close game though 7/6 Blue team boyz. Good game though. Ok so those men or boyz whom didn’t die fromt he HMO bowl continued on to hash #617-started at the Brittania Arms about 1:15 ish. Trail was a bit confusing as there we’re how many options? So many I can’t count. Turkey Chicken, Eagle Turkey, I felt like I was in a restaurant hearing the daily specials. Jeez…ok well you know what trail you did so I won’t go into too much detail. Longest Eagle Eagle ran about 4.5 miles. Shortest was chicken at about 1.15 miles. We stumbled back over the the lovely Lil Anal Annie and Butt balls casa where we already could smell the burning flesh of a BBQ. Good eats and drink had by all, Thanks again to our host’s and their providing us with- how much?– like 18 friggin’ pounds of skirt steak!! and the Pussy Troupe for his excellent beer, and everyone whom made/brought good eats! Game sucked ’cause niner’s we not there! Nuff said……On On coming up this week is the Valentine hash #618 with Choka Cola and her future hubby Hairy potter! I hope other hash bastard’s also are going to the Can’D hash this coming Saturday 2/11 for their RED dress Run!!! There’s a few of us carpooling from dBASED abode around high noon!

Beer there, or Beer Square!!!!

And FYI don’t be fooled by dBASED when he states he got a piece after a hash, ’cause nine times out of ten he confuses it with getting a piece of himself!! LOL!  Everyone rejoices!

On on and ON…Occasional Rapist!!

A communication for Occasional Rapist at 5:15 indicated she thought the chill of the evening air was too much for continuing illness and that I was on as scribe again. She didn’t even bother to tell me what was Shallow Hole’s problem, but as best as I can figure, it was related to skunks.

No one had volunteered to be the hare, so Timmy brought us to his favorite watering hole, The Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery. Banana Basher decided he would not melt this week and decided to show his snout. Vince Lanblowme indicated that he was paying for Six of Nine, but when Six showed up later on, he changed his mind! I saw Banana Basher as we departed our watering hole, but after that he disappeared into the night. The last time we were here was Occasional Rapist second hash ever. She disappeared into the night that night too. Amazingly, that night we more worried about The Rapist than The Basher this night.

Tonight’s trail started with a check in front of our start, but numerous people seem to have seen Timmy head towards New Leaf, so we all went that way. Another check was found at Almar, just past New Leaf. I checked on straight and had gone further than I thought I need to go with no marks, yet Puff seemed to be following me. I was simply following what I learned on my first hash in 1998, “A real Hasher never goes back”. Just, then I discovered flour, and then another check at the intersection of the railroad tracks,  Rankin St and Seaside St. Again, I proceeded straight. This time after a block of no flour, I looked back at the pack, to see whether I should proceed left or right. Going back this early in the game would be an act of surrender and I decided to parallel the pack. The pack proceed right, and so did I on Younglove Ave. That was my last sighting of the pack until a few block from the beer check.

When I got to the center circle, I went right to head back towards the pack and found a check coming out of some alley. This is when trouble began I do believe. I think the last time I was this turned around was doing a hash in London in the fall of 2002. At that hash, I nearly had to run the trail 5 miles backwards when it disappeared on me. Oh the days before I had a GPS!

I checked right at the circles and soon came upon a back check. What? A back check? I wasn’t even on trail! I continued on and found true trail not long afterward on California. However, my mind said I was on Woodrow and headed towards the beach. I encountered some check on Woodrow and continued on straight, expecting to soon reach West Cliff. Boy was I surprised when I hit Bay Ave!

Now, I figured trail had to be to my right somewhere, so I turned right at the first street I encountered, which according to my trail map was Continental and found flour not long afterward. When I passed over a wide street, my mind said I was crossing over Woodrow, which I thought I was on previously. However, I had crossed over Delaware, for which I thought I was on a parallel course.

Next, I encountered a check at Columbus and Plateau, for which I continued on straight once again. After no trail was encountered, I turned right to parallel once again. Then, I came across Woodrow again, so it seemed! Boy was I confused.

I turned right on Woodrow and found trail at Woodrow and Plateau. Now was my conundrum, was true trail left or right? I turned right, and encountered Puff and Thmp-Tmp at the check I previous been at, at Plateau and Columbus. They assured me I was going the wrong way, so I turned around and crossed Woodrow one more time. Off of Plateau, trail went through the park and my mind said I was heading towards West Cliff. However, I was heading away from West Cliff.

A left on Delaware brought me to a check at Delaware and Alma. I looked right and expected to West Cliff. However, West Cliff was the other way. As at most other checks, I continued on straight. However, this time, because I was so confused, I returned to the check when it was evident trail did not continue in this direction. I checked on Alma away from West Cliff, and soon found Timmy guarding the beer in a park, with Too Drunk to Fuck and Get up and Run Bitch in toe.

I looked at this park and said to myself, “Where am I?” It looks familiar. It took a few minutes for my mind to register Garfied Park.

After all (excluding Banana Basher), had shown up, we plodded back to the start. Someone with often wears a cowbay hat showed up at the beer check who had not been at the start, but seeing as he didn’t pay, he shall remain nameless. I made sure I plodded back to start with the pack, as my mind still didn’t quite know where I was.

Our master of ceremonies for the evening was Accuprick. Before down-downs, he and I sang a couple of versus of I used to Work in Chicago ..  I don’t work there any more, and my girl friends a …

Now on to tonite’s main festivities and what I can remember of them. There was Tiny Winy Bitch for showing his snout only at the end. There was Vince Lamblowme for 250 Hashes. There was Get up and Run Bitch for wearing a lobster bib. And, there was Hairy Potter and Chocka Cola for their impending nuptuals in April. They are not having a Hash wedding and none of us are invited. Shame on them! It’s being held at some ritzy National Park called Yosemite. I heard it said before the Hash that Hairy Potter indicated that Chocka Cola wants a baby and that’s why they are getting married. However, I saw Ms. Cola not drink her down-down and drinking water later. How soon is the baby Chocka? Timmy was congratulated for completing his 25th haring, even though tonight was his 28th.

After this, Accuprick indicated we should all go home and get a piece. And I did. And there was much rejoicing.

In 1989 I printed around 52 Hash Trashes and was the scribe for a lot of runs. Since then, I think I’ve only written one. However a rant I wrote a couple years ago become the hash trash, so I guess I’ve really written 2. Back in 1989, the modus operandi was the hares recruited the scribe, who then presented their work to me in sort of fashion which I then had to transform to paper. In a years worth of work, I only had 1 scribe who ever missed their deadline. That one scribe was a routine contributor who’s life just happened to get in the way one week. Her hash name was Doggie Style. So, even though I was on a different side of the country for that particular hash, I wrote the hash trash. As I recall, every third sentence was “Fuck you Doggie Style!”. We had a semi-complicated system back then where if you didn’t show up to the hash the hash trash got sent to you via US Mail. The person responsible for sending out the US Mail tore off the cover page because she wouldn’t mail pornography. Oh the days!

This scribing effort started in Nicaragua where I spent 10 days with the wonderful Occasional Rapist, but only got to sleep in the same bed with her twice. I’m sure this must have effected my brain when I agreed to this task. She stated that her co-hash scribe was probably too over-worked and needed a night off from scribing. However, on this night I think Shallow Hole thought she was the Wicked Witch of the West and was afraid a little water might make her melt. Then, I return home and find that Puff has penned the last hash trash. This means Shallow Hole had managed to do some writing only once in the previous 3 week. Oh the agony!

I wanted to write that the morning of hash 614 started as a dark stormy. However, it didn’t. There was a beautiful sunrise. However, I knew the day would change, and it did. As the day progressed it got dark and darker and later in day I didn’t see rain, but I saw that the ground was wet. I imagined only the true Hashers, plus Puff, would show up on this dark and stormy night. I had thought Banana Basher was a true Hasher. However, on this night, even a few rain drops seems to have scared him away. Let’s see, if the weather holds up, perhaps I can pass him in the Hash count in nearly 3 years.

As I arrived to Hash I saw Occasional Rapist, Cuff my Muff and Zip’er Lips in the parking lot in some sort of bitch brawl. I heard Occasional Rapist exclaim “Oh the Drama!”. I never did hear what this was all about. Then Occasional Rapist and Cuff my Muff set out on trail, while Zip’er lips went to the bar to have a smoke and talk to Six of Nine. Speaking of Six of Nine, he actually paid for the Hash again. I guess my rants against him not paying have finally paid off. On this night it seems Hugh Heffer was his keeper, as she later in the evening explained how she had no money because she was taking care of Six. How well did she take care of him? Hugh said he was due to fix a fan and replace her windshield wipers. Did he provide Miss Hugh other favors in return for her patronage as well?

As I entered JJ’s I got to meet our newest Hasher – Just Kim. Now attending her third Hash in a row. She even wants to do the Can’d Monterey Hash Red Dress in February. She has potential.

Earlier in the week Occasional Rapist had asked me if Hashing in Blue Balls park at night would work. Were there locked fences we could not penetrate? I promised not to let on about her inquiry, but I was pretty sure that was our destination.

As we headed towards circle-up and I informed Puff his services as hash scribe would not be need this evening, he asked if I could be the Hash Flash as well. It seems the batteries on his camera had died. However, I did see Puff carry his camera on trail. Is it his security blanket? Or, did he think he might need to use it as a weapon if he encountered some undesirables in the wilds of Soquel?

After circle-up we headed East on Soquel to a check at Main St. I decided to play the game and checked to the right, even though I strongly suspected we were going the other way. After 2 marks and nothing (Hares: Please lay a false!), I found the trail the other way. Going this direction, there is only 1 logical way to Blue Balls park. That’s the locals only foot bridge across the mighty Soquel Creek up ahead to the left. There was a check just before it and I figured correctly it had to cross bridge. Once across the bridge, I waited to take a picture of the next Hasher to cross the bridge, then said goodbye to the pack.

At this point the draw to Blue Balls park was strong. Trail apparently went left, then right on Old Jose Rd. However, I turned right and found trail in front of Soquel High. At the check there I went to Blue Balls park and found markings.

Speaking of tonight’s markings, there appeared to be some sort of reddish pigment in tonight’s markings. In the past, Occasional Rapist has used brown flour. I guess she has changed her ways.

Trail proceeded through the parking lot of Blue Balls park and through the scary locked gates I had informed Occasional Rapist about previously in the week. For me, trail disappeared at the end of the parking lot. I searched up a bit and found nothing. Apparently, there was a YBF there. I then decided to loop left. With the idea if the trail did indeed go up, it would need to come down and I could intercept it. If it didn’t go that way, I would head to Soquel  High and find it there. On my first step into the High School I found trail, running along the edge of it. The pack was now far off into the distance.

There are only two ways out of Soquel High. One would require the hares back tracking on their trail. The other was the exit near Soquel Dr. and Daubenbis Ave. So, I headed to this exit, loosing trail for a short while. I found a BN mark and Occasional Rapist vehicle by the Lighthouse church as I expected, but no hares! How is it the trail was here, but the hares were not here yet. I wonder … Cuff My Muff has been caught pre-laying before. Did she do it again? Occasional Rapist would later neither confirm or deny my accusation.

I could see the beer inside her vehicle. A check of all entrances found a side window apparently accidentally unlocked. The beer cooler was filled mostly with chick drinks (of which My Lil Bony found most attractive) and cheap beer, but I was able to secure a real beer in a Longboard. The pack arrived about 10 minutes later.

Apparently, there had been a rum check at some edge of the school which I just missed. I hares accused me of running by the wrong way,  I assume my trail map will prove vindication.

As we took the long journey from beer check to religion, Miss Hugh Heffer was determined to turn right on Soquel Dr. It took strong persuasion to convince her she had somehow confused my old house with Religion.

Now, on to religion and we noticed something has changed since we had religion here last. There used to be a building which somewhat helped hide our festivities and now there is green grass.

The most notable down-down was Puff for 600 Hashes. He even got a patch. He can put it on his girl scout sash with all his other merit badges. I was congratulated for 475, but just like 469, I received no patch. However, no one even noticed 469. I guess that’s because it was AGM night. I also got a down-down for potentially running the wrong way through the rum check and missing it. Although she already has a name, Deep Stroke was rewarded for 5 hashes with the Surf City Hash. A few others were rewarded for something special as well, but all can remember were the hares.

Since no has signed up for next week’s Hash, Timmy said he would be be the hare next week. He said to expect a West Santa Cruz meet-up. Probably Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery.

After that our RA for the evening of Vince Lamblowme encouraged the small entourage to go home and get a piece. And I did. And there was much rejoicing.