Monthly Archives: August 2011

Hash 592-Beat Your Meat ’11

Our meat was severely beat by a pair of dead woods in the redwoods.

This is a sad but nonetheless concise synopsis of Hash 592, our annual benefit for Second Harvest Food Bank. If you were smart you’d read no further. However, knowing your propensity for flaunting your half-mindedness, I will continue with tales of trail to allow you to reaffirm your stupidity.

We assembled in Little Anal Annie’s Garden Paradise under brilliant blue skies in Aptos. The pack continued to grow into the forties. A herd this huge must have strained the available bathrooms to their limit.

Visualizing the complete destruction of his home, co-hare Butt Balls corralled his partner-in-crime, Eagle trail hare Cockiss, and started to deliver Instructions of Trail. However, his first announcement was whomever had stolen his flour bag better return the damn thing or Cockiss would be the sole hare and Cockiss promised nothing but an Eagle trail which would border on being one of those notorious trails he lays for Agnews State H3. The flour bag promptly reappears. Continue reading Hash 592-Beat Your Meat ’11

Beat Your Meat Charity Hash this Week

Yo Wankers;

It’s time once again to head out to Aptos and muss up Lil Anal Annies garden with a little hashing and some BBQ afterwards. Your hares Cockiss and B.Balls will head out the gate at 6:45 sharp for a shiggy trail followed by religion and a BBQ.

Here’s some details:

  • Date:  August 18, 2011
  • Time:  6:45 pm
  • Cost:  $10 (all money goes to charity – give more!)

BBQ: Bring some side dishes to share. Our brethren from over the hill have graciously donated 50 burgers and 25 dogs to the cause this year.  Don’t want a dog or burger? Bring a side dish and what you want to have BBQ’d. Please leave the 25 pound rump roast at home though.

Fund raiser: We will be collecting extra $$$$ for Second Harvest Food Bank. $10 gets you a hash and a burger or dog. ALL $$$ goes to Second Harvest.

Start Location: 7558 Sunset Way Aptos, Ca 95003. Parking on the street is limited so use the Wells Fargo parking lot at the bottom of the hill.

See you next Thursday.

On out;

Hash 591: Double back along this ruptured sewer line

Gruesome Greetings,

While we may be nowhere near Halloween, DuuHHH’s Trail 591 was a bit on the scary side. Railroad tracks? Not an issue this week. Private property? Didn’t trespass much this week for a change. Too many checks? Nope. False trails? Long, straight boring stretches? No and no. However…howEVAH… Well, I do not wish to scare you off already, all will be revealed at the proper time.

Let’s start on a high note, a beer high that is and from Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery. As is usual, the pack appropriated one end of the bar and the corner closest to it as their own. This makes delivery of the next round easy and quick. DuuHHH was relaxing on a chair apparently without a care in the world. What we took for confidence was actually a smug case of pre-lay. More on that later. DuuHHH delivered Instructions of Trail. I believe this harriette suffers from a case of chronic ambivalence. Her version of IoT was worth less than my last relationship. They did, though last longer. She outed and the few that had wasted time listening returned to drinking. Upon the passage of ten minutes, we abandoned the bar, with the exception of Choka-cola, and assembled a circle and made our introductions. Continue reading Hash 591: Double back along this ruptured sewer line

Hash 590: Bounding through Pogonip


In this case they may not be especially pleasant ones though. For our five-hundred and ninetieth gathering, we happily assembled our traveling kennel next to the bocci balls courts behind Bocci’s Cellar but unhappily remembered Banana Basher was our quarry this evening.

Let’s ignore His Bulkiness as long as possible and discuss other matters. Broke Bench Mountain brought us a new playmate, Virgin Mary. (I kid you not) Just to avoid any unpleasant scenes in the future, she’s married, harriers. Six of Nine, who now has the corporate headquarters of his expanding business just around the corner from Bocci’s, made the jaunt to join us. More about his half-mindedness later. Also, making her very first visit for this summer, was Nice,But. She has not graced us with her presence this year yet and we now know why, she is in possession of a significant other. This gentleman’s name is Navigator and he has navigated his way to us from down-under, New Zealand to be exact. He proved to be a worthwhile bloke…for a Kiwi that is. Silicon Valley H3’s Bloodweiser crossed the hill to join us as well.

Continue reading Hash 590: Bounding through Pogonip

Hash 589:Point A to Point X1

Hello from the Harbor,

We begin the week’s fiasco from Mad House on Lower Seabright Avenue, one of Portholeo’s favorite watering holes. This had a lot to do with the fact no one could comprehend her ID which was military dependent courtesy of her career-Navy father which allowed her to get in at a mere 19!

That’s ancient history now, she is on the East Coast and we’re left to contend with the dive now known as Mad House. Many of you may remember it as the Knight Owl followed by The 529 (it’s Seabright Avenue address) then the disastrous Crown Royal followed by the short-lived Seabright Lounge and now the Mad House. The common thread running through the tapestry of tragedy is the commonality of creepiness. Always dark with sticky floors (don’t look down) is the glue that has held this place in high esteem among serious drinkers for decades.

Sadly, this time we seem to have run afoul of an on-going construction project. Floor-to-ceiling mirrors are being slapped up against the wall in the area formerly occupied by the pool table, apparently now relabeled the ballroom (not to be confused with the guy’s bathroom). A stage has been constructed, or at least a raised platform, where we assume the band and/or DJ will position themselves. While no one was especially looking forward to hashing an Occasional Rapist & Shallow Hole trail, we didn’t really want to hang around to see what kind of nightlife slithered in the door after dark either. Continue reading Hash 589:Point A to Point X1

Sunday Wharf to Barf: What was the point?

This is the last time…

That I shall torture you regaling tales of Wharf to Barf ’11. It’s Sunday now and most are happy to think back over the fun they’ve had or try and forget the stupid things they’ve done.

As usual we’ve invaded the mansion of Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace. The driveway looks like the triage area after the crash of a Gamblers Special bus returning home from Las Vegas.

Banana Basher and Pearl Necklace deliver unnecessary as well as ignored Instructions of Trail and outed themselves. They disappear around the house and the herd returns to grazing. As this is a Montery Bay H3 Revival Hash, dBASED led the litter in a rousing round of Father Abraham. Upon completion of that duty, the pack mimicked the hares and rounded the house to find a check at Ocean View Avenue. Trail was located on-right and then we located a check at Broadway. Trail was discovered proceeding on-left on Broadway to a check at Pine Street. As long as we’re waiting for this check to be solved, everyone face the east and wave farewell to Norm. Sniffing along Broadway, Norm overran the check so far she found Friday’s trail. Furthermore, she did not discover her error until she reached Seabright Avenue and found marker pointing her towards Monterey Bay. The body of water, NOT the hash!

Meanwhile, back on TRUE trail, marker made the merry members of this madness on-left onto Pine Street and a block further on-left onto Hanover Street.  Flour then fed us into the parking lot across Branciforte from Shoppers Corner. We were led across Soquel Avenue and then made an immediate on-left onto Soquel. An on-right was made into the driveway for Branciforte Plaza and we crawled into the parking lot at the rear of the building for Beer Check.

Once safely back across the street to Norm & Pearl’s, Religion was convened. As this is the annual Monterey Bay H3 Revival Hash, former MBH3 Religious Adviser dBASED assumed command.  Here are a few of the tortures he inflicted upon an unassuming pack: Racists that did the Wharf to Wharf, Hot Wheels, Cumz Out My Nose, Mass Storage Device, Broke Bench Mountain, Goldie Coxxx, Broken Shaft and dBASED; Butt Barrier and Foot Loose for not leaving camp today; Norm for overrunning trail so far she ran into Friday’s trail; Foot Loose for assuming the position of Surf City Hostess with the Mostess; Tiny Whiny Bitch for foolishly saying he wasn’t going to drink today at all; Nosedozer for greeting three ladies on the pub crawl- Hello, skanks, furthermore Foot Loose heard them in the bathroom later talking about ‘the weird old guy with a cowboy hat on’; Cumz for smarting off to the RA; Pepto Pussy Pelt was initiated a second time; Banana Basher & Puff for being the only Surf City representatives on the pub crawl; Hairy Fuck 2.5 for snaring the hare but no one cared; Banana for spending Sunday morning helping an old lady rid her computer of a virus and Hot Wheels for the quote of the day made after trail: What was the point?

That seems a fixing end to Wharf to Barf ’11. However, in all truthfulness we all know the purpose of not only W2B but hashing in general: camaraderie. Well, okay. Drinking beer too. Preferably GOOD beer and a hell of a lot of it. See ya next year.


Puff the Magic Drag Queen