Monthly Archives: November 2012

Hash Scribe #660

R U in Tryptophan coma?!  Hello wankers! It’s black Friday, so what better day to re-hash last week’s 660 episode? It all started at The Trout Farm, duo hare pair Shallow Hole and Deep Stroke suprised us with an unusually short and shitty trail, despite the athlect-ism of the hares! One mile out and one mile back, simple sweet and no sweat broken. With a malt-liquor beer check to wet us some. We had some backslider’s Daddy War-bucks, and Little Wrinkled Fanny show up, (and apparently myself and Dog breathe we’re considered backslider’s)but somehow despite how short the trial was they didn’t make it to beer check? They missed the cute green jello shots, and the homeless person eyeing us from a bush that I thought was an animal. We had a virgin in the mix, Michael, and the internet of all things made him come! Just Victor showed back as his friend Shiney Snail trail didn’t. We had religion down the road in front of the smallest house for rent I have ever seen. Deep Stroke made herself RA and Slong division was her beer fairy. Princess Di-arrhea was awarded her 50th anal-versary hash patch, we got tortured by Virgin Michael’s idea of a fish joke, and more stupid songs, we had some white trash snacks in addition to the usual chip trough. My new fav is the buggle chip with a squirt of cheese from a can! We will miss Deep Stroke, but we will be haring with her one more time, this will be the 662 Hash: Wicked Rhutarded and myself will be the hares, so don’t miss it. We will start at Portola House on Portola, more details to follow. Announcements we’re made of Santa-Con which will be held downtown 12/14, so get your costumes now! Toyz for tots is also a hash not to be missed 12/6, bring toys for all ages up to 16. Turkey Trot hash is this Saturday, like tomorrow! see announcement previous to this one! Have fun, dbased and I will hash tonight with OCH3 and then hashing Saturday with LAH3, so happy trails to ya!!


And on and on,


Hash 661-Turkey Trot


Here’s the scoop on this year’s Turkey Trot Hash. As there is no NorthSouth Intercourse this year, the hash will be Saturday the 24th rather than Friday. Our starting point will be the Over the Hill Gang Saloon, 3530 Portola Drive. It’s on the bay side of Portola. Plenty of (FREE!) parking around too. The hare, that’s me, Puff, will out around 3:15. Here’s how we’re going to work this thing this year. Puff will get only a five minute lead time. The first FRB to catch him will be handed a map will the trail marked out. This harrier will then get a five minute start. When this harrier is snared, they will hand the map to that hound who will then become the hare and receive a five minute head start. Dig? Sooner or later one of these hares will lead the litter into Beer Check.  Religion will be nearby. That’s all you need to know and more than you deserve.

See ewe there,

Puff MDQ

Hash Trash #659

Greetings, my fellow Americans! The first week of November sure was full of democrapcy. You, the people, voted me in as a new member of the scribing threesome (thanks!). Good thing I won, because a.) I didn’t prepare a concession speech and b.) I didn’t have any opponents.

This week the pack huddled up for warmth at the Crepe Place. The night was so cold, wet and dark, Banana Basher wore his big fur hat along with a bright red sweatshirt. This storm had come down from Alaska, but it looked like it had blown some commie Russki bear in along with it. Guess you really can see Russia from Alaska! Weather be damned–no matter how cold it gets, Puff the Magic Drag Queen will be rocking the OP shorts. Except this week, they were not cords! WTF? Was it laundry night and all 73 pairs of his OP cords had skid marks?

Hares AccuPrick and Shiny Snail Trail were sure to cum extra early so they could pre-lay…or, uh, “set up beer check”. It was Shiny Snail Trail’s first ever lay of trail, so she was super excited. Accu proudly announced there would be both a BOOZE check AND a BEER check. BFD. If you’re gonna brag like that, there better be some Grey Goose and Chimay waiting for us. (Actually, we’ll take whatever we can get.)

The hares dashed off into the cold night as the pack lollygagged in the warm wood-paneled bar of The Crepe. When we finally tore ourselves away to circle-up outside, we all met Virgin Victor. Hare Shiny Snail Trail had brought him, then ditched him in the kennel with us hounds. He was strictly advised against following dBASED, mainly because we knew he would be led astray and we would all be left wondering, “what’s your vector, Virgin Victor?”

Much of the trail zig-zagged the hood between Seabright and Frederick St. There were lots of checks used as strategery to keep us suspiciously wandering around in the darkness. As if this neighborhood needs any more prowlers…

Booze check was in Star of the Sea Park. I must say, now I know why AccuPrick was bragging about his hooch checks. That was some damn smooth fine rye whiskey! TIMMY!!! didn’t want a drop to go to waste, so he snatched up the bottle and stumbled along with it. After a couple of blocks and a few more swigs, he was too unsteady and Thmp-Thmp had to take on the next leg of the rye relay. Thmp bolted into Frederick St. Park and kept on going. He somehow resisted the urge to settle in with the hobos along with the bottle.

Not far past the park was beer check in a random little woodsy spot between Fred St. and the yacht harbor. Thmp pulled out the bottle and passed Puff a swig. Puff shrugged “rye not?” and we all took a guzzle or two. It was so dark there somebody had to spark a bowl just so we could see our beers in front of our faces. The kind glow also helped us spot the short-cutters (hello, My Little Bony and Banana Basher!) so we could give them a good lambasting.

Back on trail, we cruised by the cannery and then crossed Seabright. By this point we were thirsty again, gave up on trail and headed directly to Puff’s castle. What the hares didn’t realize was that their trail was a re-visit of trail #654 in reverse. Been there, drunk that. And we’ll drunk it again!

As the hounds trickled in for their down downs, Shiny Snail Trail personally surveyed each of us for opinions about her first trail. Hmm…lemme think a minute…oh, yeah…IT SUCKED!

Hare AccuPrick did double-duty as RA and chose Deep Stroke as beer fairy. The rain suddenly started up again, we all sardine-canned it into the garage, and the down downs commenced in earnest. Backsliders/stool warmers Hairy Potter and Choka Cola were not spared, even though Choka’s now got a baby under construction. Only Hairy was called up for a down down because now he’s drinking for three. Represent! We learned Tiny Whiny Bitch is moving to Washington to smoke pot and get same-sex married, cuz that shit’s legal there now. Hugh Heifer may be in line to go right behind him! It was Tiny Whiny’s 100th run analversary. He was celebrated by being forced to wear the hashit vest. We also learned that dBASED had cut trail (like he ever doesn’t) and snared the hares near the cannery. Snail Trail wrote him a petulant poem because she was pissed. And piss drunk. She then literally took a spill into the beer altar while spreading her eagle with a high kick, almost losing her visor/cum deflector in the tumble. Speaking of spreading eagles, Virgin Victor was a real tease. I was pretty sure we were going to see his cajones, but we only got half of a culo. And the hares…

You’ll have to check out the Hash Flash to get an eyeful of on on on. I didn’t go, but there were definitely shenanigans and maybe even some high jinks.

Next time we’ll be coagulating at the Trout Farm Inn, Felton. Shallow Hole and Deep Stroke will take us on a dark mountain adventure. Bring a flashlight and wear something reflective so the wild animals can get a good look at which one of us might be the tastiest.

Hash Trash # 658: AGM on 11/1/12

Hash # 658:  AGM, 11/1/12


The Presidential election and Surf City H3 AGM are finally over!   We have officially entered the 13th year of Surf City H3.  While the race for the White House was a hard fought campaign, with plenty of mud-slinging, the election for this year’s Mismanagement was pretty damn boring!  All candidates ran unopposed.   Our GM, TIMMY!!!  was particularly enthusiastic.  I witnessed him begging several hashers to run against him (no takers though).  He’s retired for Christ sake!  He needs something to do!

Here’s what went down.  The pack met at Il Palomar.  The hash paid for the first 2 drinks!  Awesome!!  Aside from the “Regulars”, some back sliders showed up.  Vince Lamblowme resurfaced after several months and was given shit about forgoing his RA duties.  He claimed to be “working”.  Hash founder Banana Basher graced us with his appearance and also claimed work was interfering with hashing.  We had a visitor, BullShitWhistle.  He hashes with Truckee and Las Vegas H3.  Swiss Army Cock and Ralph Crammed-In also made an appearance.   Unfortunately my Co-Scribe partner in crime, Occasional Rapist, was under the weather and could not join in the festivities.

The Trail:  Our Hare,TIMMY!!!  sent us on a wild goose chase around downtown, through San Lorenzo Park and ended with beer check on the roof of the River Street Parking Garage.   Accuprick served as RA.  I don’t remember if he had a Beer Fairy, but Deep Stroke was being obnoxious and stole the tiara and wore it for fun.  Yours truly, Shallow Hole, received a patch for my 69th Surf City Hash!  And Deep Stroke was also called up because she completed 69% of the hashes during the past year.   Wicked Retahted was called up for a down down for back sliding and general half-mindedness.  Banana Basher drank for being awarded the hashit vest but skipped circle-up and trail to short cut to beer check.

The Election:  Back at Il Palomar, we were welcomed by Vince Lamblowme, Broke Bench Mountain, and Waxi Pad.  Waxi decided to make a rare appearance because he was bribed with food and free beer.  He conveniently missed trail and avoids all forms of exercise.  The restaurant put out a ton of great food.  dBASED won the award for hasher most deserving of down downs every week and for the stupidest act of a hasher .  He yelled out “Ranger Danger” when the ranger was within ear shot at Saturday Wharf to Barf.

So here’s your new Surf City H3 Mismanagement:

GM:  TIMMY!!!!!!

Beer Mistress:  Hugh Heifer

Hash Cash and Flash:  Puff the Magic drag Queen

RA’s:  Accuprick and dBASED

Scribes:  Shallow Hole, Occasional Rapist and Princess Di (arrhea)

On Sex:  Dude Where’s my Trail?

Habberdasher:  Thmp- Thmp

I’m looking forward to another year of hashing with all you wankers!   It’s always an adventure.   We will have shitty trails, but Hugh Heifer always buys good beer!  I wish she would buy more Cheezy Poofs though.  We always seem to run out.

Many folks signed up to Hare in the coming months.  If you’ve never Hared before, get off your damn bar stool, find a “Mentor” to Co-Hare with you and sign up!

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  On August 24th 2013 we will celebrate Occasional Rapist and dBASED’s wedding, which will coincide with Surf City’s 700th Hash.


Halloweenie Hash

Two of our Three Scribes were hares this day and third was absent, so for some misguided reason I decided to be the scribe instead of Puff. One week later as I was driving to the AGM I realized I had not fulfilled by duty. In the past week, I’ve had brief 15 second jolt’s that I have not fulfilled my duty. but was able to quickly forget. Today I suggested that Occasional Rapist withhold food until I write up a few silly sentences, and this was enough to make me remember just long enough.

Our most honorable and routine scribes always writing thing down so that they will  remember. My opinion is I can’t remember or there is no digital proof (hash count or hash flash), then it was unimportant, or probably didn’t happen. However, now it’s 13 days later, so you are getting only the good stuff!

This years journey into Halloween merriment started at Pono. The only reason the hares picked this place is is they were tired of the Rush Inn. Our hares of Shallow Hole and Occasional Rapist danced in as ferries this year. What would they be up to this year?

I slithered in as Dr. dBASED. Broke Bench Mountain eventually showed up as Krusty the Clown. Hugh Heffer came as some sort wench – that doesn’t even sound like a costume! Cuff My Muff was some sort of super hero, which she had to be, to get out of class. Leg Over didn’t come in costume as she claimed Puff didn’t tell her she needed one. The extent of Slownad’s costume was Rabbit ears.  Deep Stroke came as a ninja and was rarely seen.

Occasional Rapist had told me the week before the Hash she worried about a gate being closed along trail. I told her Neary Lagoon had posted sign’s it closed at Sunset, so she’d better be careful. So, the hares left the Red Room promptly at 6:33. By the time the pack left, it was dark anyway. I thought for sure the gate was going to be closed. I warned the pack at the start that if we got caught by a gate, I could assist.

Naturally, everyone assumed we be heading down Pacific Avenue for the annual parade. We all assumed wrong. We paralleled it instead. While I knew we were going to Neary Lagoon, I avoided going there directly. At a check above Depot park, I even headed towards the Pier. When no trail developed, I headed towards the railroad tracks. I got to the railroad tracks, and still found no hint of trail, so I headed away from Neary Lagoon, and towards the now approaching pack.

We got to the black lagoon and were allowed passage. However, before we passed, there was a liquor check with some vampire blood to consume. We searched for the creature in the lagoon, but our headlamps must have scared him away.

After a big circle through the dark and scary lagoon, we headed back pretty much the way we had come from, paralleling just a few blocks to the East. There were no checks in this area as the hares were afraid we’d find trail we had already run and get confused. I know that’s never happened to me before…

We headed up the steep Green street hill to the Santa Cruz mission plaza. I knew where religion was, but didn’t know where Beer check was. However, I knew that religion was over the bridge. I figured beer check would be just over the bridge. Over the bridge, and trail went right. I knew this to be away from religion, so what were the hares thinking? Half way to the Harvey West homeless zone, I realized the Hares target – the cemetery. However, due to the hares exposure to the law the previous year, they didn’t have the check in the cemetery, but across the street. Something about seeing a security guard at some point. Wimps.

The highlight of beer check was seeing that the Giants were winning game 2 of World Series. We headed off to beer check at Just Andrea’s and squeezed into her shack to seem them complete the victory and go up 2-0.

Seeing as I was running for RA the next week, I was appointed RA for the day. I can remember none of the down-downs, so they must have been all dull and boring. Will there be more to come?

Afterward, we returned to Pono for more fun. May the Hash go in Peace!