Monthly Archives: July 2013

Hash Trash #698 W2W pub crawl

No one had to actually run on this night but many didn’t realize this and in some cases we almost didn’t recognize each other!, LOL, us hasher’s clean up nice don’t we. We had a fairly good turnout mainly once we got to Reds, the CAN’d hasher’s and Goggler showed up with the Waxi pad and Shallow. We even had Wet Feral Pussy join in and Dirty Dolmas, if we did pass out down down’s that night they’d a had one for major backsliding! Order of bars went something like this, Rush Inn, Reds, 99 bottles, and Rosie Mc Canns’s. Wicked and myself, dBASED and Dirty Dolmas decided to go hear Berlin play at the boardwalk so we got our exercise in (ok not really we took a cab both ways!) hee hee, what you mean we missed the shuttle? Dirty Dolmas or Double Dee as we’ve come to call her now, knew the shuttle was in front of the Del Mar but dbASED mislead us, now why don’t we already know this. Anyhow some tales from the trail over heard was “I have all the dark married men staying with me”, and at the boardwalk “Let me see do I have my shoulder pads on”, ok people. I think everyone tied one on and had good times, on on you half minds.

Occ. Rap.

Hash Trash #697

Princess Di-arrhea and Thmp Thmp welcomed us half minds to their home on the Seascape golf course. We had several out of towner hasher’s show up one Pussy Toupe whom works for Gordon Beirch (i’m certain that’s spelled wrong) brew company so we had some on tap, nice way to start the weekend of Whar to Barf! Pixilatted Obscenity was there ans was some CAN’d hasher’s, and I might add an old timer Surf city hasher Finger Nips! Was nice to see all of ya. We had 3 potential namings on this night so we all tried to gather incriminating info. for Just Shannon, Just Adam, and Just Trisha.  Trail was 3.41 miles according to my mapmyrun, of course that’s with myself doing slight short cutting at the end.  We had two beer checks! Running threw neighborhood’s of mansion sized houses, little shiggy of Sumner, and trail down to the beer can beach at a wierd building (what is in there anyway?) which to me looks like a bathroom from the beach. We then circled back down Townsend to Rio Del mar and then down to the railroad tracks by their house for last beer check. There was a mixture of FRB, and walkers and DFL’s, but with all the back checks, YBF’s we managed to all stay in close. Religion was on the side of the golf course by this time though it was getting dark so excuse me for my poor scratchy notes. Accu. was RA with Pixie as beer fairy; First down down was for Finger Nips staying away from surf city for too long, then Pixie for backsliding and being a past RA,  Just Vivian whom Bloody Wanker made her cum for a false ball ACCU-sation as it was not her first haring ever. Shiney snail trail got a down down for reporting Mr. Face “Hey Twisted Balls” they both drank (ok what ever that was), Fifth down down was for the vegatarians whom did not partake in Accupricks delicioso Meat balls he made, Hugh and Puff.  Cuff made her 150th Annalversary with SCH3!, get a life! Something about Shiney snail trail and dBASED for being short cutting lover’s? Then Ghetto for giving us a false accusation of thinking he is leaving us or CAN”d hash. YBF fucker’s: Slonad, Shallow, Ghetto, Dungfu, Dog Breathe, Shiney, Just Adam. Chick piss at beer check #1 went to Cuff and Shiney (yes we saw you), and then to the namings, since it was so dark and late already we decided to only name Just Adam, and after much half-minded diliberations we came up with “Diddler on the Roofie”, welcome to the hash dude! And last but least Hugh Hef. got herself a 50th consecutive SCH3 annoncement, is she the new Puff? Ok on out next up is the pub crawl trash.

Occ. Rap.

Hash Trash # 696 on July18, 2013

This week, our Hares, Puff the Magic Drag Queen and his young whippersnapper, Dung Fu Grip, brought the pack to The Crepe Place.  Weren’t we just in Seabright?   Our GM TIMMY!!! had an appropriate quote for the night.  He said “There are NO rules in the hash!”



Since Puff was haring, I collected Hash Cash this week.  Thank you to all who brought exact change!  I’ve never seen so many dollar bills!  Next time I’m going to wear a garter and have a little fun!  Hash Flash is courtesy of dBASED.  We had a visitor, Ascott to Mouth, whose home hash is in Germany.  Infamous Hasher, Hangs Loose “a legend in his own mind” came out of hash retirement to join in the festivities.  From the look of his beer gut, he didn’t give up the drinking part.  He said that back in the day, he was a good runner and their hash actually had a race team!  My how things have changed!  Hairy Fuck 2.5 and Just Sarah returned from their drinking tour around Europe.   Just Ron showed up for his second hash.  It only took him 8 months to come back.  We must’ve made quite an impression!  Who DIDN’T we see this week?  That would be Deep Stroke, who FINALLY left on her RV road trip.  I know Puff misses her terribly, and has been crying on his pillow every night since she left.

The pack circled up in front of The Crepe Place and headed out.  It was a little tough finding the start of trail.  dBASED crossed the street and found flour in a parking lot and yelled On On!  The pack lost trail again around Water Street, but eventually found flour and headed in the direction of N Branciforte Ave.  There was a check on the corner of Water Street and N Branciforte.  When there was no flour in the direction of the ocean or downtown, the only other direction to go was N Branciforte Ave.  WTF?  After meandering a while, trail lead left down Goss and right onto Branciforte straight toward Delavega Park.  After climbing the big ass hill into the park, trail veered off to the right on the single track trails lined with poison oak.  Funckin A!  Thought we wouldn’t need shiggy socks this week!

Nipple Butt was the only one who seemed to be thrilled to be there.  After making it to the top and traversing the golf course, the pack found its way back into the woods.  This area seemed to be a hot spot for teenagers drinking in the woods.  Along with the array of various empty beer cans and liquor bottles, we came across an empty container of Boost nutritional supplement.  What the hell was that doing there?  We use this stuff all the time for old and sick people in the hospital.   Puff is a senior citizen.  Maybe he drank it on trail to keep up with his young co-hare.  But Puff isn’t a litterbug.  Are teenagers stealing their Grandma’s Boost as well as raiding her liquor cabinet?  We’ll probably never know the truth.   After surviving the woods, we crashed some homeless guy’s living room next to the bridge on Morrissey.  Luckily he didn’t come after us.  Trail lead us back across Soquel, through a parking lot, and an alley next to the library and right on Hanover, when we saw the glorious marking BN!  Beer check was in someone’s yard.

Religion was a casa di Puff.  Puff put out a lovely display of cheese and crackers and veggies and dip!  Yay Puff!  dBASED was RA.  A miracle happened at the hash.  dBASED appointed Hangs Loose as his Beer Fairy!  Everybody knows that dBASED NEVER has a Beer Fairy!

TIMMY!!!  got a down down for going to SFH3 red dress last weekend and for growing up in San Francisco.  “Racists” Occasional Rapist, Ascott to Mouth and yours truly, Shallow Hole were punished for talking about running races.  Wicked Retahted, Banana Basher and Cuff My Muff drank for not being at the beer check.  None of them were on trail either.  Hangs Loose was chastised for being a backslider.  Banana Basher stepped in and defended him and drank his down down.  Hairy Fuck 2.5 and Just Sarah drank for being DFL’s.  Visitor, Ascott to Mouth was welcomed to the hash.  Yours truly, Shallow Hole got a patch for my 100th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Banana Basher said he never thought I would stick around.  Guess I’m just as demented as the rest of you wankers!  Dung Fu Grip got a patch for his first Haring of a Surf City trail.  And last but not least, the Hares…………………………………………………………………

Hope to see everyone next weekend for Wharf to Barf!  It’s sure to be a good time!  Even if you don’t remember it!  We have a Prelube hash on Thursday night, Pub Crawl Friday night, trail, BBQ and Waxi Pad’s band on Saturday afternoon, and another trail on Sunday afternoon.  The main event is drinking of course.  Cum 1 day or all 4 if you dare!

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  You will need shiggy socks next week!



Hash Trash 695

Trail 695 was neither short nor sweet. But that’s nothing a little shortcutting couldn’t fix! Word on the street was that dBASED was haring a trail that had been previously aborted due to “high water levels”. The unlucky pack got a second chance at soaking their socks this week. We gathered up at Aptos St. BBQ where they had a specially-dedicated beertender just for us! I can tell you now that was our favorite thing about trail right there.

dBASED made his announcements before heading off: #1 – a free M-Word Hash rego was out there for the finding. Watch for a dead animal skull along trail in order to claim the prize. Such a romantic symbol of everlasting love! #2 – there’s a SURPRISE!!! I suppose dipping your toes in ice water could be considered surprising, even though we were all expecting it. We know to actually dread any of dBASED’s surprises, because they’re never a good thing. Wise Banana Basher and Cuff My Muff were bailing trail to hang at the Windjammer. If we had any sense at all, we would have joined them.

We circled up and headed out. It was nice to see Monthly Friend had returned ahead of cycle with The Human Pube after her most unfortunate naming on 4th of July. Our plan was to casually walk trail together, but I soon realized Cumcerto was missing from the pack and went back to look for her. This caused me to get so far behind, there was no choice but to shortcut if I was supposed to get through this thing walking. Don’t know much about where real trail went, but for those who care, it was something like…Aptos BBQ –> RR trax –> Rio Del Mar Blvd. –> Rio Del Mar Flats –> Seacliff Beach stairs –> RR trax –> Aptos Village Soccer Field –> wading through Aptos Creek –> Aptos Village Park beer check!

Beer check was in a quiet grove in the park near the creek. Hashers were comparing notes about the creek slogging and their wet feet. There was a rumor the water was taint-deep, but there didn’t seem to be any dripping shorts around. The best thing about beer check was that dBASED provided enough beer this time. That almost never happens. It’s like he knows we’re likely to avoid showing up for his trails. Or he hopes we all die out there and never make it to beer check. He does what he can to try and make that happen. Good thing there was enough beer while we had a “fun” game to play: Whose Dog Just Shitted? Was it Cumz Like a Dog’s or Occasional Rapist’s??? We couldn’t quite ID it by stench alone.

Religion was held behind that old apple barn/antique mall by the post office. It was there that I realized I paid dearly in karma for my shortcutting ways by losing my really cool Fisher Space Pen along the way. If anybody found it, PLEASE bring it back home to Planet Princess! I mooched a pen from fellow scribette Shallow Hole and got back to playing religion reporter. Accuprick RA’d and Fudgina was beer fairy. Cuff, Fudge and Brokebench Mountain didn’t make it to beer check, but they were drunk anyway (as per usual). Backslider Banana had his first doctor-OK’d beer in many months…ah, sweet nectar. The sneaky bastards who hadn’t paid their hash cash–Just Adam, Ghettoman and Cumcerto–were forced to cough up the cash and drink down the shitty beer. We all learned that Fudge and Brokebench were reform schoolmates in their delinquent years. All wankers with dry shoes drank. Shiny Snail Trail (with bouncy Pippi Longstocking braids) was wearing a shocker shirt and Cuff was wearing a Save Second Base breast cancer awareness shirt. Timmy!!! didn’t know what second base is. But he does know what the shocker is. Makes us wonder if he has a reputation for hitting triples with the ladies. We ate cupcakes and cursed the birthdays of Cuff and hare dBASED before we let him know exactly how much we thought his trail sucked.

On on on was back at Aptos St. BBQ once dBASED persuaded them to stay open for us by promising at least 10 people would order food for their drunk bellies. Just Adam gets a special award for taking Pippi Longdrinking home. He’s up for naming soon, so perhaps we can reward him by giving him a name he can truly be ashamed of.

Next hash will start at the Crepe Place. But you probably know all about it and then some from Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s super duper superfluous trail announcement below. Expect his trail to be even longer than his ramblings.


Princess Di(arrhea)

Hash 69-six announcement


Welcome to Surf City H3’s six-hundred and ninety-sixth invitation to go hashing. This week’s excitement will feature Dung-Fu Grip in his Virgin Haring for Surf City. He will be accompanied, albeit reluctantly, by housemate Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Fun and frivolity will commence from The Crepe Place, hash-nicknamed The Creepy Place, on Soquel Avenue between Seabright Avenue and Cayuga. Dung-Fu and I waited until we got-the-hell-rid of Deep Stroke before laying this trail. We believe it will be so much more enjoyable now that we do not have someone that constantly wishes to ‘win this thing’ every friggin’ time we on-out. (Insiders tip: Park behind Johnny’s Sports on Seabright as Religion will be at Dung-Fu & Puff’s) (Second Insider’s Tip: Do not bother short-cutting to Dung-Fu & Puff’s house though, Beer Check is NOT there) Hares would like to on-out by 6:40 (That’s 1840 hours to you, Ghetto Man) because trail is somewhat intricate for Surf City and, furthermore, Dung-Fu & Puff have little-if-any confidence in your limited abilities. So, to circumcise this thing down to a size you can handle: Hash 69-six will commence at 6:40 from The Crepe Place. Shallow Hole will be serving as everything except hare and Religious Adviser. In other words: Hash Cash, Hash Flash and Scribe so please be extra-kind to her as she is a very fragile harriette even under the best of situations and this will most certainly NOT qualify as one of those.

In other hash-related gossip, assuming Just Trisha and Just Adam show snout, they will become full-fledged half-minds and receive their hash names post-trail. Everyone should know Just Trisha by now, she’s the blonde that walks around with the silly grin on her face but says nothing. As for Just Adam, he’s the poor bastard that has to act as Shiny Snail Trail’s bodyguard. Or is that booby-guard? Whatever. Better he-than-me.

That’s it from this keyboard, see ya at The Creepy Place Thursday the eighteenth.


Puff the Magic Drag Queen

Hash Trash 694 ‘Freedom Rock’ fuck yeah!

What a great long weekend we had after hashing last week! We started off the birthday of America right with drinking beer and running like fools in the blistering heat of the day! We gathered at the lovely home of Cumcerto and her not present husband up in the Santa Cruz Gardens neighborhood. Hares: Thmp Thmp and Cumcerto, and beer checks hostess with the mostess Princess di-arrhea. It was a good sized group, I didn’t actually count but half the crowd was dBASEDs’ family. The Just and Virgin Janseens: Just Michelle (her first ever hash was haring with her bro dBASED), virgin Savy, Sophie and Makena from Maui, and grandpa Herpes Handcock from So. Cal.,Little Spit and Hot Wheels. Even Hugh Heifer’s offspring Edgar’s girlfriend came along. We had visitor’s from SVH3, Hicki Dick and his virgin Debbie. Trail was a bit fucked up, but because we had our first beer check at less than a mile it certainly made up for it. There was an eagle and turkey split, most took the turkey so they all made it to the second beer check with no incident, along with the only Eagle trial  hasher Hot Wheels (FRB), this was d/t some pissed off neighbor with a shot gun not wanting us hasher’s having fun! Damn it. Oh well back to the on on we all went (last of the eagles). But we did pop back over to the last beer check by short cut method w Thmp Thmp’s help. It was mostly shiggy thru the trees so that was refreshing. The best part was socializing and what a feast this hare pair crew provided us! Apple Pie and wienies! Now that’s what I’m talking about! Thmp Thmp also made some amazing seasoned saltines, trailer trash gourmet people! Yum. Great beer, and a great hash celebration what else can I say? OK so the religion low down. dBASED RA/Beer Fairy: Down down to all backslider’s: Hogazm, Waxi pad, Just Ann, the Human Pube, Just Laura (5th hash), Little Spit, Hot Wheels. Down downs for all visitor’s: the hawaii group, Herpes H., Hicki Dick and his virgin Debbie. We had Virgins under 21 and Virgins over 21 well 1, technically dBASED’s sister Just Michelle wasn’t a virgin, as she said “I’m a semi virgin”. OK, then they told some dumb jokes. It was time to start naming or getting ideas for Just Laura. We had a lot of good ones, but in the end we welcomed her as “Monthly Friend”! Welcome to the hash! And Pick Cherry Licker celebrated her 25th hashing with us, get a life get a life! And the hares! Thanks for your Rockin Freedom Hash! Whoo hoo. We also had good news on this day: Deep Stroke announced that she really is finally leaving! Yaay! Finally! Yup folks as of this writing she is traveling in the wind! Somehow though I think we shall see her again! Maybe at this weekend’s SFH3 RDR! Who’s all going? dBASED myself and shallow hole will be there. Ok see you wankers tonight the start at Aptos BBQ!!