This week, the pack invaded the Blue Lounge on Seabright.  This little dive bar keeps changing names so it’s hard to keep track.  It has previously been known as the Night Owl, 529, Cardiff Lounge, and Mad House.  Thmp-Thmp was the Hare.  We had 2 visitor Harriettes from a Okinawa H3, named Megasoreass and SCOUT (Shit Cums on your Tits).   They moved back to the states and were looking for new places to hash.  My Little Bony showed up, but as usual, he did not leave his bar stool.  Six of Nine resurfaced.  He said he was in Southern CA for a while, but came back to the area and has been working at the Renaissance Fair.   He’s like a pesky rash that goes away for a while, but shows up again out of the blue.  He brought Virgin Tracy, and Just John with him.  Just Cecil (friend of Occasional Rapist), made a random appearance.  We met him about a year ago at another Seabright hash.  SpoogeBath No Pants got a rare night off from work and babysitting, so he came out to hash.  Phyllis Driller appeared at circle up, but disappeared and was not seen again for the rest of the evening.

Trail was about 3.5 miles and took us to the ocean, yacht harbor, through some shiggy, a liquor check in Fredrick Street Park, through a church parking lot, a school, circled around Seabright neighborhoods until it finally concluded with a beer check at a house on Cayuga and Windsor.  Trail was too long for Virgin Tracy, Just John, and Just Cecil, because they all bailed somewhere along the way and never made it to the beer check.

Religion was a Puff’s house.  Occasional Rapist was RA.  Hugh Heifer was appointed Beer Fairy.  Our visitors from Okinawa, Megasoreass and SCOUT were welcomed to the hash.  They enjoyed the trail and were happy NOT to be hashing with military people for a change.  They brought an Okinawa patch to give away and SpoogeBath No Pants showed “skin to win” it.  Next, we heard from the “Justs”.  Which only left Just Ted because the others bailed.  It was his 4th Surf City Hash, so lets dig up some good dirt on this guy for potential hash names.  If he’s anything like his “sponsor” Slonad, he won’t show up again for 6 months.  Backsliders, SpoogeBath No Pants and Six of Nine were punished with a down down.  SpoogeBath blamed his disappearance on work and his baby and Six of Nine was just happy to get a free drink.   The only thing the pack could come up with for a crime on trail was Just Ted forgot his flashlight.  Racists were the next to be punished.  Deep Stroke for training for her 100 mile Aids ride and yours truly, Shallow Hole for training for the NY marathon.  Occasional Rapist was also incriminated for training for a sprint triathalon.  And last but not least, the Hare…………………………

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  The Halloweenie Hash will be Thursday October 25th.  Occasional Rapist and I are planning a frightening, shitty trail for all you wankers.  More details soon!

This week the Hare Pair team of Hugh Heifer and TIMMY!!! brought us to Don Quixote’s in Felton.   Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp all survived their Santa Barbara hash weekend.  Twat Did You Say? was also there, but had better things to do on Thursday night.  Apparently the Princess had an exceptionally good time (as evidenced by her never ending hangover).  Boulder Creek Hashers, Pussy Galore, Cum Lord, Too Drunk to Fuck and Get Up and Run, Bitch made an appearance.  Cum Lord was fresh off his trip to Asia, where he hashed in Bangkok, Thailand.  There was some talk of $5 happy endings.   Just Trista was brave enough to come out for her second Surf City Hash.   I’m proud to have been her “sponsor”.  You never know how some people will react to their first hash.  I figured either she would love it, or never talk to me again.  Fortunately, she enjoyed herself and a new hasher is born.  Deep Stroke has been on a heavy metal kick lately and showed up in a bad ass Iron Maiden T-shirt.  Tiny Whiny Bitch resurfaced after many months and rejoined the hash!  He told tales of his cross Atlantic cruise and romantic interlude with a fair maiden in England that had her own teeth, drove a BMW and owned her own house.  Unfortunately for him, he had to return, and is now succumbed to drowning his sorrows in cheap beer (but at least it’s served cold in this country).  As an extreme backslider, he was chosen to wear the hash shit vest for the evening.  Get Up and Run, Bitch recruited a virgin (Virgin Jeff) to join the pack.  She somehow convinced HIM to do trail while she and Pussy Galore stayed at the bar, ordered food and more drinks.

Our Hares directed the pack to exit the bar via the back door.  The trail started out with a check on the road behind the bar.  The trail went right on Cooper St, left on Farmer and into the trails of Fall Creek State Park.  Darkness was approaching and there was a stench of skunk in the air.  It was getting dark and creepy, so we were happy when we saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  Luckily no wildlife was encountered.  We came out behind San Lorenzo Valley High School, went therough school grounds.  Trail went right on Highway 9 to a beer check in a parking lot on the left side of the road.

At beer check, we heard confessions from the drunken lips of Hugh Heifer.  She claimed to be the “mastermind” of the trail.  She somehow convinced TIMMY!!! to be her bitch and to lay the entire trail himself!  She was responsible for the first back check and that was it.  Then, she had time to kill, so she decided to go to shopping at Rite Aid, bought some “lotion” and went back to the bar.  My hunch is she was hoping to pick up one of the guys from the band that was playing there that night.

Religion was held in the parking lot behind the Mountain Community Resources Building.  They conveniently had a table there, so we used it for an altar.  Accuprick was RA and appointed newbie Just Trista to be his Beer Fairy.  She was awarded the first down down.  Backsliders, Tiny Whiny Bitch, Pussy Galore, Cum Lord, and Hairy Fuck 2.5 were all punished with a down down.  Virgin Jeff told a joke and was welcomed to the hash.  His “sponsor”, Get Up and Run, Bitch also drank for picking up the virgin at the bar.  Tiny Whiny Bitch was called up for his altruism on trail.  Accuprick was limping, so he stayed back with him.  He’s one tough bastard!  Despite his bum knee, he always does trail.  Next, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea) were called up for representing Surf City at the Santa Barbara Analversary hash weekend.  Princess was ridiculed for not being able to hold her liquor and for taking almost a week to recover.  They claimed to have balls of sweaty steel for being out hashing in 97 degree weather.  Cum Lord drank for representing the hash in Bangkok, where he hashed 3 times while in Thailand.  And last but not least, the Hares………………

See Y’all in Boulder Creek on Thursday!  Fall is upon us, so those of you who don’t have headlamps, go out shopping for one!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Here is the sad tale of a disastrous trail set by Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp.

Once upon a time, there once was a couple of hashers known as the Princess and the Squirrel.  They were in the mood for Mexican, so they summoned the pack to Little Tampico Tequila Bar in Soquel Village.   They promised the pack beer, tequila and warned of a new trail marking called “shut the fuck up”, where we would have to be very quiet while passing through a certain area.  Then they scurried off with small bottles of flour and chalk.  Aside from the regular drinkers,  Lube me up Scotty showed up (since his wife is still in China).   We had visitors all the way from Portland Maine, Sir Ménage A Lot, Cuma Cuma Cumanda, and former Surf City kennelmate Camel Stamp.  They brought Virgin Sarah with them from Mountain View.   Maine is a beautiful state, but with only 2 months of warm weather per year, I can imagine hashing there isn’t for the faint of heart.   Surf City pussies would not survive hashing through snow and ice.  It would be pretty cool to see a moose on trail!   Not so cool to step in moose poop.  Speaking of the great white north, Canadian Penny Slut finally resurfaced!   The last time she was seen was 6 months ago, after her first haring venture with yours truly.   I heard rumors that either I scared her away from the hash, or she was abducted by aliens somewhere near area 51 in Nevada.   She returned unscathed, but doesn’t remember a thing from the past 6 months.

Temporary GM, dBASED did introductions and awarded the Hash Shit Vest to Camel Stamp.  Some hashers feared the worst, skipped trail and went directly to the beer check.  We ran through the woods, through neighborhoods, car dealership parking lots, along 41^st ave, to Wharf Road, and past the creepy Rispin Mansion.  A bottle of tequila was hidden on a trail near there.  After a few shots, we proceeded through Perry park, through a senior apartment complex (with flour markings so small you needed a magnifying glass to see them), then on Bay Ave and left on Capitola Ave.

The rest of the trail was a nightmare.   There was a confusing back check, a circle jerk and some nosy neighbors.  One guy kept coming out of his house trying to figure out what the hell was going on.  Can’t blame him for being suspicious.  We must’ve passed his house at least 10 times and we didn’t look like regular runners.   dBASED was wearing a straw sombrero hat, Puff the Magic Drag Queen was sporting his usual stylish OP corduroy shorts and knee high socks.  Occasional Rapist had a pink cowboy getup on.   It was getting dark, we were lost and kept going around in circles.  Some hashers gave up and headed back to the bar to look for beer check.   Puff turned out to be the hero of the night!   He was the ONLY one who found the VERY SMALL chalk mark  “STFU” with a hare arrow pointing towards someone’s driveway.  It went through a fence down a steep trail that lead to Main Street in front of Little Tampico. 

Beer Check was in the little park next to the bar.  According to the hares, the trail was 3.5 miles.  dBASED and Camel Stamp measured the trail to be somewhere around 5.7 miles.  Broke Bench Mountain showed up at the end.  He was driving down the road and saw Camel Stamp with the Hash Shit Vest on, picked up Hugh Heifer and drove to beer check.

Religion was held in the parking lot of an office complex across Porter St.  dBASED was the RA and Beer Fairy.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen received a congratulatory down down for being the hero and leading the cold and thirsty pack to beer check.   Twat did you Say? was ridiculed for having a “food injury”.   Something about an Irritable Bowel Syndrome flare up after eating in a restaurant and drinking 4 glasses of wine.   Hugh Heifer drank for her cute little mini sombrero hat and for breaking a bottle of beer in the parking lot (it was just Corona, though).  Backsliders, Camel Stamp and Canadian Penny Slut received down downs.   Visitors, Sir Ménage A Lot, Cuma Cuma Cumanda, and Camel Stamp were welcomed with a down down.  The pack had high hopes, butVirgin Sarah only told a dumb joke.  Sir Ménage A Lot drank with her.  The folks from Maine then serenaded her with a traditional song about deflowering a virgin.  Deep Stroke drank for trying to stage a coup.  This seems to be a trend with her.  Broke Bench Mountain was punished for auto-hashing And Last but not least, The Hares! 

This Thursday’s hash will start at Aloha Island Grille, 1700 Portola Drive, at the intersection of Portola, 17th Avenue and East Cliff.  See Y’All there!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Always a crappy smoke filled ambiance, the Jury Room was the start for this week’s hash.   Our Hare, Banana Basher must have missed Psycho Baby and his creepy friends.  Dog Breath resurfaced from foreign lands.  Butt Balls, Little Anal Annie and their dog Farley ventured out for the evening.  Just Petra showed up for her 5^th Surf City Hash.  Slonad found himself free on a Thursday night and decided to join us.  Infamous hasher Weiner made a rare guest appearance.   His wife was out of town, so he came out to hash.  There seems to be a trend here.  Several hashers only showed up last weekend for Wharf to Barf because their wives are out of town.  Weiner was the first Surf City hasher to reach fifty harings.  He received the honor of wearing the Hash Shit vest for the night.

The pack circled up in the rank smelling alley next to the bar.  After brief introductions, the pack was off.   There was flour in the alley, so everybody headed the same way, in the direction.  We crossed Water St, onto Market St, then to the Branciforte Creek trail.  Then back to Market St, right on Goss, right on North Branciforte Ave, and over the Highway 1 bridge.  Weiner took off running down the road in hot pursuit of trail.   We passed some folks having a moving sale and they told us to take a right at the next corner.  Deep Stroke, Slonad and I were on a side street and someone said, “that’s some pretty old looking flour”.  We were all thinking the same thing.  Yes, PRELAY!  This trail was way too long for a guy who’s main exercise is bicep curls with a beer mug.  We followed trail back out to North Branciforte Ave, and left on Water St.  We made a right down a side street, wandered around a bit and found ourselves on Soquel Ave.  We were getting pretty thirsty.   As we passed the Double O, Weiner went in the bar hoping it was a beer check, but no luck.  We proceeded down Soquel until we spotted the elusive “Beer Near” in front of Branciforte Plaza, in the parking lot behind Ristorante Italiano.  The same spot the beer check was last Sunday.  How creative!

Religion was in a parking lot behind the Jury room.  Butt Balls served as RA and he appointed yours truly, Shallow Hole his beer fairy.  Hugh Heifer got a down down for not bringing a trash bag.  She also didn’t bring the nasty warm beer for down downs so hashers got treated to decent beer this week.  Broke Bench Mountain received a down down for wearing flip flops and for losing a toe nail during the Wharf to Wharf race.  I guess that makes him a real racist now.  Twat did you say?  and Princess Di(arrhea) told the tail of getting attacked by yellow jackets at Wharf to Barf.  Dog Breath was punished for losing his hash necklace on trail.  Someone found it and returned it to him.  Wine-O Little Anal Annie showed up with her cooler, wine and her own snacks.  She was punished for wearing a racist sweatshirt.  Butt Balls also announced that 7/27 was her “22^nd” birthday.  The pack serenaded her with a rollicking version of Happy Birthday Fuck You!  Weiner was punished for being a backslider.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen got a down down for 570 consecutive hashes.  Get a life!  Slonad was also punished as a backslider and made fun of for his orange jacket.  Rebel Deep Stroke committed the cardinal sin of challenging the RA.  Rather than effecting change, she was awarded a punitive down-down.  Little Anal Annie was congratulated on her 225^th Surf City Hash!  Just Petra was finally named!  She’s a veterinarian and likes seals and cats, so mob rule decided on Wet Feral Pussy.  Nipple Butt welcomed her to the hash with wet dog kisses.  And last but not least, The Hare, Mr “I don’t break a sweat”, Banana Basher!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Psycho Baby was the guest of honor at the 22^nd Anal Wharf to Barf, courtesy of Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea).  AKA the Princess and the Squirrel.  They stumbled their drunk asses into the Jury Room after the pub crawl Friday night and somehow persuaded the folks at the Jury room to “lend” us the baby aka “Jugular Jimmy” for the weekend.  They’ve been proud parents to two cats, but this was the couple’s first real babysitting experience.

The pack convened at high noon at Delaveaga Park.  Those of us relatively newcomers to the hash were delighted to meet Bails Con Burros, the woman that has put up with Banana Basher for the past 18 years.  Broke Bench Mountain’s gal, Mass Storage Device was also there.  Dude Where’s my Trail? brought his wife Virgin Katie.  TIMMY!’s daughter Sarah showed up.  And backslider Apple Bobber also joined in the festivities.

Hasher couple dBASED and Occasional Rapist were the hare pair for the afternoon.  dBASED laid the eagle trail and Occasional Rapist laid the turkey trail.  Hashers were subjected to hilly trails with multiple hazards.  There was poison oak, yellow jackets, golf balls, and stoners throwing Frisbees.  Wildlife spotted on trail included deer, Bigfoot, and possibly a unicorn, depending on who you ask.  The pack was lucky to have made it to beer check alive.  Just as they were enjoying an ice cold beer, dBASED spotted a park ranger and yelled out “ranger danger”.  Occasional Rapist took off in a cloud of dust, claiming there was a warrant for her arrest.   The ranger threatened fines of $275 per person, but ended up letting them off.  No one knows what happened to Puff, he missed beer check.  He denied getting lost.  His excuse for being DFL was that he was old, slow and worn out.  Perhaps he mingled with the stoners, ate a few magic mushrooms and found his own trail.  Banana Basher and TIMMY! Had a feast waiting for the pack when they returned.

Banana Basher and Apple Bobber were Co-RA’s.  Last Call Norm was honored as one of the only Monterey Bay Hashers left.  In 1988 they started Wharf to Barf.  According to Norm, most of them drank too much and died off.  Next,  Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea) brought up their “love child” Psycho Baby.  Down downs were awarded to Banana Basher’s mail order Russian bride Bails Con Burros and Lube me up Scotty since he was out partying while his wife was in China.  Horny Woman, Deep Stroke was called up for drinking out of her horn.  The band, Waxi and the Bloody Pads, were given a down down as official welcome to the hash.  Virgin Katie bored the pack with a lame joke.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen was ridiculed for being DFL.  The Watermelon competition started out with nominations TIMMY!, Deep Stroke and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.  Deep Stroke was accused of being a “racist” because she planned on running Wharf to Wharf, and replied by incriminating fellow “racists” Twat did you Say? and yours truly. The guys were off the hook.  It was between the 3 ladies.  Deliberations were made and Deep Stroke came out the winner of the Watermelon award.  

And last but not least, the Hares.  Occasional Rapist did the down downs for both of them.  dBASED was off picking up his daughter.

The rest of the afternoon we were entertained by the musical stylings of Waxi and the Bloody Pads.  They played a rockin set enjoyed by all.  It was a great day!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Rush-ing to the Inn and getting Deep-ly Stroked

The first night of Wharf to Barf weekend began at the Rush Inn.  Deep Stroke volunteered to hare a few days before, when Hugh Heifer decided to go to change her plans and run off to a hippie music festival in Oregon.  A short trail was promised by Deep Stroke and short it was.  A whopping 1.3 miles!  Our one and only visitor was Mommy’s Little Cock Whore from FHAC-U over the hill.  He was bestowed the honor of wearing the hash shit vest.  It was the second night of hashing for Lube me up Scotty.  His wife left him alone for 2 months while she went to China, so he was trying to make up for lost time.   The pack circled up behind the bar.  We went in the direction of Water Street, when we saw Last Call Norm on the corner, and she joined the pack.  Tonight’s trail went over the Water Street bridge, through San Lorenzo Park, back over the bridge on Soquel downtown, briefly on Pacific Avenue, and to beer check at Santa Cruz High School. 

How rebellious!  Brings back memories of the time I got suspended for drinking beer and smoking cigarettes on school grounds after the football game.   Or the time at band camp when I hid a bottle of Southern Comfort in my saxophone case and got the whole horn section trashed. 

The pack returned to the rush Inn for pizza and beer.  A short Religion was held around the pool table with blaring music in the background.  Hairy Potter was RA and Ralph-U-Crammed-In was beer fairy.  Pearl Necklace received the first down down for not doing trail.  Last Call Norm did some of it, but wasn’t at beer check, so she drank too.  We sang happy birthday to Puff the Magic Drag Queen since his birthday was on 7/16.  Not sure if the look of shock and horror on his face meant that he forgot his own birthday or if he wished others didn’t remember.  Visitor, Mommy’s Little Cock Whore drank next.  And last but not least, the hare!  Deep Stroke received a patch for surviving her 25^th Surf City Hash as the juke box played Let the Good Times Roll by the Cars. 

A small group went on to do a pub crawl, and others went to a beer and film event on the west side.  Waxi and I went to the pub crawl with Deep Stroke, Twat did you Say?, TIMMY!, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea), Mommy’s Little Cock Whore.  We hit the Red Room and 99 Bottles, and got home before midnight.  Gone are the days when we closed down bars, went to after hour bars and partied until the sun came up.  At least no one got arrested.

On On,

Shallow Hole