The luau themed Hash 747, aka Ocassional Rapist’s Birthday Hash, aka the Airplane Hash, started at Aloha Island Grille on Portola. Even though a good portion of the pack skipped out on the Surf City Hash that night to go to Whip It Out at the Ball Game (more like Get Kicked Out at the Ball Game), we still had a great turn out! The weather was beautiful and our hares took full advantage of that leading us around the neighborhoods and beaches and under an incredible moon hanging low in the sky. Anyone who sat inside instead of coming to this hash really missed out.

We started off toward the beach, down a false, and eventually figured out that we were being circle jerked back in the other direction. But it really wouldn’t be a D’BASED trail if there wasn’t a really confusing start. We headed away from the beach, through the neighborhoods, and into the shiggy. We crossed a little creek where Twat Did You Say? Found someone’s burner phone. We went by a lagoon where I got mosquito bites on my sunburn. Then we came out on to 7^th and headed back to the beach.

Just before rounding the corner to beer check, Fingernips and I saw a rat eating one of the flour marks on the beach. So disgusting. What wasn’t disgusting was spread of food laid out for us at beer check. Do it yourself spam musubi, cupcakes, and……beer! We enjoyed our feast for awhile before heading to the next beach over for religion.

Dung Fu Grip served as RA and chose Shady Curtains as his Beer Fairy. Dog Breath’s bowl was somehow broken and now he has to drink out of a half bowl, but Dung Fu took no pity on him and instead poured an entire beer over Dog Breath’s head in retaliation for the incident several weeks ago. Wicked Retahted did his best to live up to his name, by generally trying to hold up the proceedings and push some random lady who hadn’t done trail up in circle. Fap Jack and I got called up for not getter lei-ed. (I swear we had leis at some point). We had three Virgins! Virgin Alex told joke that make sense, Virgin Mel told a joke that didn’t, and Virgin Sean showed his butt. Mortal Enema, Cum Pumper, and Hooker on Cronix, Bitch were called up as backsliders. There were a bunch of visitors. And the hares! We called up D’BASED and Occasional for their shitty trail.

And did I mention the moon?

So………….. Surf City had a Red Dress Run. Was it this week? Ummm… no it was over a month ago. But since I arrived at it super late, I figured I’d be super late writing about it too. My memory of the event is a little fuzzy, but I’ll put up a bunch of pictures of guys in dresses to make up for it. Since puff is much more reliable (there’s such a fine line between reliability and OCD), there are always pictures.

The pack met at The Rush Inn to get nice and shitty before heading out into the beautiful Santa Cruz weather. I assume trail went through downtown because it ended up at a sangria check underneath a bridge along the San Lorenzo River. Yummy, yummy sangria.

Then the hares paraded the pack down in front of the Boardwalk for all of the tourists to see. We went up to Westcliff to find a jello shot/picture check at the surfer statue. He is meant to be a sacred memorial to all of the surfers who have been lost in our waters. So we dressed him up in a red boa and took obscene pictures with him.

From there, the Eagles kept running around the West Side. I gather from looking through the flash that they had some sort of drink check in Neary Lagoon. Meanwhile the turkeys said, “fuck it,” and walked to beer check at the Blue Lagoon. Oh wait, I see what they did there, Lagoon checks all around! We drank, someone lost the hippie because she was hungry, but she turned up at circle.

Religion was on top of a parking garage downtown. TIMMY!! and Dung Fu Grip were co-RAs, because it was just too hard to pick. We had a huge circle, with beautiful early-evening lighting, but I couldn’t hear a fucking thing that happened, because some visitors from Monterey wouldn’t shut the fuck up. They seriously talked through the whole thing. I’m pretty sure Deep Stroke won something. Sluttiest Dress? I voted for her, even though I didn’t know what was happening. I did see one of our GM’s, graciously shove a hariette who had been over-served into the back of her car and cart her away.

And the hares…..Once again a shitty Red Dress Trail was brought to us by the trio of Shallow Hole, Occasional Rapist, and Hugh Heifer. So they were punished with beer.

From there we went back to the Rush Inn where they had promised to make us Spaghetti Dinner. And they did. And it was good. And there was much rejoicing.

Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Dung Fu Grip summoned the pack to the Crepe Place.  AKA the Creepy Place.  Since Puff was haring, Princess Di (arrhea) did hash cash and Fingernips was guest hash flasher.  Banana Basher made it out this week.  Hell, the bar is only a few blocks from his house!  I hear he rarely leaves his man cave these days.  His drinking buddy Apple Bobber showed up in his work duds.

There was some breakage and spillage at the bar.  TIMMY!!! was drinking his usual martini, knocked over his drink and broke the glass (for the nineteenth time)!  There was no blood drawn, but I would still classify that as alcohol abuse! 

Plastic Pussy resurfaced after a year!  You think he would have a good excuse.  He said he was just being lazy.  We had a Virgin this week!  Virgin Travis was “sponsored” by Just Jeremiah and Just Marisol.  I’m sure the bar was thrilled to get rid of us when the pack left.

Trail started out simple enough.  There were no checks initially.  We went left out the front door of the bar, left on Cayuga Street.  There was a check 1 block down.  I’m assuming that this is the place where we lost the “non runners”.  On On was called going left down Hanover, then left down an alley.  We meandered around neighborhood streets until we ended up on Soquel Avenue.  Trail headed right down Capitola Road to 7^th avenue.  We finally ended up going down by the Harbor, down a shiggy hill to a bum wine check.  Then we had to cross the big log across the water to get to the other side.  Last time we did that, it was at night.  This was definitely better than pitch dark at night.  Dung Fu later said he was listening to Jewish Folk Music and that’s what inspired him to buy the Manischewitz wine.  TIMMY!!! is half Jewish and drinking it reminded him of happy memories of Passover at Aunt Ethyl and Uncle Morty’s house.  I can only claim Jewish by insemination.  La Heim!

Trail continued through Arena Gulch up a hill.  Then we went down through some shiggy and had to slide down a steep hill on our asses.  There was a turkey eagle split.  TIMMY!!! took the turkey trail.  I was on the eagle and met up with Diddler on the Roofie and Thmp-Thmp.  We climbed up a hill through some massive shiggy that included picker bushes and PO.  Lesson learned.  Wear shiggy socks because you never know where the damn Hares will go next.  The turkeys and eagles met back up again at the top.  We were at Fredrick Street Park.  It seemed like it took the same time for TIMMY!!! to meet back up with us again.  We were on Harbor and saw evidence of a “Hare Snare”.  We ran through a church parking lot, through a school and meandered our way to Seabright to beer check and religion at Puff’s house.  My watch said 3.85 miles.

Accuprick was RA and appointed Twat do you Say? the beer fairy because she went to her school’s graduation and was dressed in a pretty pink dress.  No one could find the crown, so she wore Dung Fu’s unicorn hat.  Poor Nippless Butt’s feet were bleeding for some unknown reason.  Otherwise he appeared fine.  Since there was dog blood in the circle, Dog Breath was called up for a down down.  Twisted Fister had blood on trail, so he drank too.  Wankers who didn’t do trail were called up next.  Just Chip, Wicked Retahted, Banana Basher and Apple Bobber all were looking mighty lit and drank a down down.  Wicked stayed there to receive a gift, a Retard Hasher shirt from Accuprick.  If the shoe fits……..  Moose Turd Pie accused the hares of a crime. The eagle trail was shorter than the turkey.  That from a guy who showed up to hash in jeans and street clothes.  He wants it longer and harder!  Plastic Pussy was called up for being a backslider.  He said he was out running drunk by himself and ended up getting arrested and sent to jail!  Well now that you’re back, you can run drunk with 20 other people.  There’s safety in numbers.  Dog Breath, Mothers Little Felcher and Moose Turd Pie snared a hare- Puff.  Give the old man a break!  Dung Fu ran through a group of church camp children to avoid being snared.  There were a few Analveraries.  Moose Turd Pie celebrated his 5^th Surf City Hash!  Diddler on the Roofie and Fap Jack celebrated 25 hashes.  Occasional Rapist celebrated 150 hashes!  Get a life!  Virgin Travis was called up.  Just Jeremiah made him cum.  He told a joke and showed us a tattoo on his ass cheek.  Nice!  TIMMY!!! was called up for breaking a glass at the bar.  He will now be drinking from a TIMMMY!!! Tippy cup.  Fap Jack was called up because he celebrated his 30^th birthday this past week.  Happy Birthday, fuck you!  dBASED was called up for being “too red”.  He got a sunburn on his head.  Congratulations to Hot Wheels who graduated high school this week!  And last but not least, the Hares…………………………..

This week we will be convening at the Aloha Grille on Portola Drive for Occasional Rapist’s Aloha Birthday hash, and their pre-lube for SDH3 RDR!  See you there!

On On,

Shallow Hole