Monthly Archives: August 2012

Hash Trash #648

Recalling this hash was torture. Only good thing about this trail was the start location and the company. TIMMY! was back from Africa and passed out weird plastic liquor filled packets, Gin in one I tried (an aquired taste I’m afraid, but interesting).  We had returning visitor’s Camel Stamp and Cumma Cumma Cummanda for the night, and Comrade Fossil Fucker whom ran his first SC hash. Shallow Hole brought a virgin, Trista. Hare trio Thmp Thmp, Cuff my muff and Pricess Di-arrhea tortured us with not just one fucked up trail but two! Eagle and Seagull.  We trampled through many back streets of Live Oak by the beach.  Wet feral pussy and I we’re practically DFL’s d/t the markings we did or didn’t see, we got fucked and missed the liquor check, damn. But in the end we did make it to beer check, luckily we found Thmp Thmp by his car and then the BC, duh marking. We found a large pack of hasher’s at the pool, drinking large quantities of beer. It was a nice complex, and Princess Di=arrehea’s mother used to live in there? My memory is fuzzy, so bare with. Religion was behind the Library on Portola, I thought for sure we’d see a police car drive up at any given moment but we we’re spared. Hairy Potter was RA and Cuff my muff beer fairy. Waxi Pad go this 25th hash patch!, dBASED got down down for forgetting the Hashsit vest at home. Wicked Rhutarded got a down down for holding a private party w Hugh, I think he was trying to smooze her again. Portland Maine Hasher Cumma Cumma Cummanda (CCC) told us a story of how he got named, something about his penis being named Amanda by Camel Stamp? Trista got a treat of their virgin song by CCC and Camel Stamp, to welcome her to the scary world of hashing. Trista sang a hash song with Shallow Hole (weak) and they got down downs cause Trista said her real name. And on and on we went. Have fun in Felton at Hash 649 with Deep Stroke as Hare- I hope she bust your balls! Princess Di-arreha will be taking the scribe hash reins for this night.

On on..

Occasional Rapist

Hash Trash # 647, 8/16/12

Here is the sad tale of a disastrous trail set by Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp.

Once upon a time, there once was a couple of hashers known as the Princess and the Squirrel.  They were in the mood for Mexican, so they summoned the pack to Little Tampico Tequila Bar in Soquel Village.   They promised the pack beer, tequila and warned of a new trail marking called “shut the fuck up”, where we would have to be very quiet while passing through a certain area.  Then they scurried off with small bottles of flour and chalk.  Aside from the regular drinkers,  Lube me up Scotty showed up (since his wife is still in China).   We had visitors all the way from Portland Maine, Sir Ménage A Lot, Cuma Cuma Cumanda, and former Surf City kennelmate Camel Stamp.  They brought Virgin Sarah with them from Mountain View.   Maine is a beautiful state, but with only 2 months of warm weather per year, I can imagine hashing there isn’t for the faint of heart.   Surf City pussies would not survive hashing through snow and ice.  It would be pretty cool to see a moose on trail!   Not so cool to step in moose poop.  Speaking of the great white north, Canadian Penny Slut finally resurfaced!   The last time she was seen was 6 months ago, after her first haring venture with yours truly.   I heard rumors that either I scared her away from the hash, or she was abducted by aliens somewhere near area 51 in Nevada.   She returned unscathed, but doesn’t remember a thing from the past 6 months.

Temporary GM, dBASED did introductions and awarded the Hash Shit Vest to Camel Stamp.  Some hashers feared the worst, skipped trail and went directly to the beer check.  We ran through the woods, through neighborhoods, car dealership parking lots, along 41st ave, to Wharf Road, and past the creepy Rispin Mansion.  A bottle of tequila was hidden on a trail near there.  After a few shots, we proceeded through Perry park, through a senior apartment complex (with flour markings so small you needed a magnifying glass to see them), then on Bay Ave and left on Capitola Ave.

The rest of the trail was a nightmare.   There was a confusing back check, a circle jerk and some nosy neighbors.  One guy kept coming out of his house trying to figure out what the hell was going on.  Can’t blame him for being suspicious.  We must’ve passed his house at least 10 times and we didn’t look like regular runners.   dBASED was wearing a straw sombrero hat, Puff the Magic Drag Queen was sporting his usual stylish OP corduroy shorts and knee high socks.  Occasional Rapist had a pink cowboy getup on.   It was getting dark, we were lost and kept going around in circles.  Some hashers gave up and headed back to the bar to look for beer check.   Puff turned out to be the hero of the night!   He was the ONLY one who found the VERY SMALL chalk mark  “STFU” with a hare arrow pointing towards someone’s driveway.  It went through a fence down a steep trail that lead to Main Street in front of Little Tampico. 

Beer Check was in the little park next to the bar.  According to the hares, the trail was 3.5 miles.  dBASED and Camel Stamp measured the trail to be somewhere around 5.7 miles.  Broke Bench Mountain showed up at the end.  He was driving down the road and saw Camel Stamp with the Hash Shit Vest on, picked up Hugh Heifer and drove to beer check.

Religion was held in the parking lot of an office complex across Porter St.  dBASED was the RA and Beer Fairy.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen received a congratulatory down down for being the hero and leading the cold and thirsty pack to beer check.   Twat did you Say? was ridiculed for having a “food injury”.   Something about an Irritable Bowel Syndrome flare up after eating in a restaurant and drinking 4 glasses of wine.   Hugh Heifer drank for her cute little mini sombrero hat and for breaking a bottle of beer in the parking lot (it was just Corona, though).  Backsliders, Camel Stamp and Canadian Penny Slut received down downs.   Visitors, Sir Ménage A Lot, Cuma Cuma Cumanda, and Camel Stamp were welcomed with a down down.  The pack had high hopes, butVirgin Sarah only told a dumb joke.  Sir Ménage A Lot drank with her.  The folks from Maine then serenaded her with a traditional song about deflowering a virgin.  Deep Stroke drank for trying to stage a coup.  This seems to be a trend with her.  Broke Bench Mountain was punished for auto-hashing And Last but not least, The Hares! 


This Thursday’s hash will start at Aloha Island Grille, 1700 Portola Drive, at the intersection of Portola, 17th Avenue and East Cliff.  See Y’All there!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #646/Beat your meat #13

It was a decent turnout of half minds from SC and Bay Area  kennels. A few missed trail but still tried to follow what they could in the dark , kudos. I even ran with a newer hasher who wore wedge sandals on trail, Gray Drapes.

She’s a keeper, I think. Trail was a bit odd for a few of us. Never trust a fellow hasher to read trail sign’s for you, see them yourself. We ran an extra 1.5 miles out of our way but still managed to find beer check so all was saved!! Even Cockiss managed to pull off his own BC missing the original one where Butt Balls was hanging out waiting for him. Ha! OK, so running through Nisene is always a pleasure so nice to be amongst the beautiful trees and greenery.

Anyhow FRB dBASED bragged so much about running to BC in 20 minutes flat he almost made me choke on my beer back at camp, really?  But all in all it was a great gathering. Everyone did a great job in bringing good eats, and drinks!

Princess Di-arreha and Thmp Thmp brought some killer concoction of Chocolate Vodka and Coconut water they called it the coconut dog, yum. The Hash shit vest went to Snatch.cum for being a major backslider. We got to see lots of bobbies (ok 4), Hugh and Grey Drapes, as apparently they both have slept with the same guy, maybe at the same time? Get up and run bitch

tried to show off her boobs but we’re hanging way down and never managed to get them loose! I got my 69th Hash run patch.

Butt Balls and Accuprick beat the meat! We raised $1000 for Second Harvest food bank and apparently that will stretch into much more in their magic hands!!! Kudos to all that donated!!

A BIG Thanks again to Little Anal Annie and Butt balls for letting us invade their pretty little paradise!

On On!!

Occasional  Rapist

Hash Trash #645

Hello half minds, tales from last week’s trail! We all gathered at Ideal Bar and Grill (a fine establishment noted for their free birthday Prime Rib dinner’s) down at the base of the SC Wharf. It was nice and sunny. We we’re shocked to see newly rejoined to the hash (older) hasher’s named Daddy Warbucks and his Little wrinkled fanny side kick! We all we’re given  strict hash instructions to go outside at exactly 6:45PM and not to be late by the E-vile dBASED and his young son co-hort Hott Wheels

.  As it turned out it was the Trolley we we’re to jump on, only .25 butt Wet Feral Pussy even had that covered as she pulled out free Trolley passes! Whoo hoo no change needed there. It was actually a tame trail I hear. I had Nipple Butt and realized quickly from the start I’d likely not make the trolley and made plans to be in the know of where beer check was ahead of time (hey I run slow, ok), but we all lied and said he was a dog companion, I had my vet along to prove it, Wet Feral Pussy! So there we all we’re travelling along so happily in the tourist shame train to DT

at Aqua’s where we all jumped out to find trail. Just Andrea invited Wicked Rhutarded and I in for a free drink at Aqua Blue, how could we say no? She had thought the whole pack was coming in for a drink. Hell no! they’ve already found trail and we’re gone I proclaimed! Oh well, I said I know where beer check is, hee hee. As it turned out there’sanother reason I didn’t bother running trail (and it wasn’t because my fiance was the hare), there we’re several stores, business establishments

where trail ran through that likely would have given me the evil eye for bringing along Nipple Butt! So there, that was reason enough for me to skip straight threw to BC! I enoyed some quality social time with Just Andrea and convinced her to join Wicked and I to BC. Once we got onto the river walk we saw the pack running towards Broadway bridge on the other side. No one bothered to chase after us, the FRB said “we wanted to run true trail”. OK well BC we almost got busted by a cop and a security guard. We had to give bums some beer so they wouldn’t  rat on us hasher’s. Oh I also had to where the stupid HashShit, only good thing about the hashshit, is it provides good pocket space for my shit. Since I am the scribe I need my tools on trail don’t cha know! So everyone enjoyed a beer or 3, then dBASED left us to drive to Religion, we had to carry the fuckin cooler down the hill, thanks mother f_cker! Religion was quick and lame d/t the need to ditch the po po. The Po-lice that is… So what did we do? Accuprick was RA and Wet Feral Pussy got to be beer fairy for her first time–awwww…..Wicked got his very first 25th hash patch, back slider’s to infamous couple Danny Warbucks and Little Wrinkled fanny!, and that’s all I can recall pooper’s. Nothing stands out… except the fuckin’ hares!!

Ok don’t forget this week’s hash is Beat Your Meat #13, Hash #646, at Lil Anal Annie and Butt balls abode, bring your cash and or checkbook for Second Harvest Foodbank!!! and bring your MEAT to beat (and side dish to share)!!!

On On–Occasional Rapist

Hash Trash # 644, 7/26/12

Always a crappy smoke filled ambiance, the Jury Room was the start for this week’s hash.   Our Hare, Banana Basher must have missed Psycho Baby and his creepy friends.  Dog Breath resurfaced from foreign lands.  Butt Balls, Little Anal Annie and their dog Farley ventured out for the evening.  Just Petra showed up for her 5th Surf City Hash.  Slonad found himself free on a Thursday night and decided to join us.  Infamous hasher Weiner made a rare guest appearance.   His wife was out of town, so he came out to hash.  There seems to be a trend here.  Several hashers only showed up last weekend for Wharf to Barf because their wives are out of town.  Weiner was the first Surf City hasher to reach fifty harings.  He received the honor of wearing the Hash Shit vest for the night.

The pack circled up in the rank smelling alley next to the bar.  After brief introductions, the pack was off.   There was flour in the alley, so everybody headed the same way, in the direction.  We crossed Water St, onto Market St, then to the Branciforte Creek trail.  Then back to Market St, right on Goss, right on North Branciforte Ave, and over the Highway 1 bridge.  Weiner took off running down the road in hot pursuit of trail.   We passed some folks having a moving sale and they told us to take a right at the next corner.  Deep Stroke, Slonad and I were on a side street and someone said, “that’s some pretty old looking flour”.  We were all thinking the same thing.  Yes, PRELAY!  This trail was way too long for a guy who’s main exercise is bicep curls with a beer mug.  We followed trail back out to North Branciforte Ave, and left on Water St.  We made a right down a side street, wandered around a bit and found ourselves on Soquel Ave.  We were getting pretty thirsty.   As we passed the Double O, Weiner went in the bar hoping it was a beer check, but no luck.  We proceeded down Soquel until we spotted the elusive “Beer Near” in front of Branciforte Plaza, in the parking lot behind Ristorante Italiano.  The same spot the beer check was last Sunday.  How creative!

Religion was in a parking lot behind the Jury room.  Butt Balls served as RA and he appointed yours truly, Shallow Hole his beer fairy.  Hugh Heifer got a down down for not bringing a trash bag.  She also didn’t bring the nasty warm beer for down downs so hashers got treated to decent beer this week.  Broke Bench Mountain received a down down for wearing flip flops and for losing a toe nail during the Wharf to Wharf race.  I guess that makes him a real racist now.  Twat did you say?  and Princess Di(arrhea) told the tail of getting attacked by yellow jackets at Wharf to Barf.  Dog Breath was punished for losing his hash necklace on trail.  Someone found it and returned it to him.  Wine-O Little Anal Annie showed up with her cooler, wine and her own snacks.  She was punished for wearing a racist sweatshirt.  Butt Balls also announced that 7/27 was her “22nd” birthday.  The pack serenaded her with a rollicking version of Happy Birthday Fuck You!  Weiner was punished for being a backslider.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen got a down down for 570 consecutive hashes.  Get a life!  Slonad was also punished as a backslider and made fun of for his orange jacket.  Rebel Deep Stroke committed the cardinal sin of challenging the RA.  Rather than effecting change, she was awarded a punitive down-down.  Little Anal Annie was congratulated on her 225th Surf City Hash!  Just Petra was finally named!  She’s a veterinarian and likes seals and cats, so mob rule decided on Wet Feral Pussy.  Nipple Butt welcomed her to the hash with wet dog kisses.  And last but not least, The Hare, Mr “I don’t break a sweat”, Banana Basher!

On On,

Shallow Hole