Monthly Archives: July 2012

Hash # 643 Saturday Wharf to Barf 7/21/12

Psycho Baby was the guest of honor at the 22nd Anal Wharf to Barf, courtesy of Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea).  AKA the Princess and the Squirrel.  They stumbled their drunk asses into the Jury Room after the pub crawl Friday night and somehow persuaded the folks at the Jury room to “lend” us the baby aka “Jugular Jimmy” for the weekend.  They’ve been proud parents to two cats, but this was the couple’s first real babysitting experience.

The pack convened at high noon at Delaveaga Park.  Those of us relatively newcomers to the hash were delighted to meet Bails Con Burros, the woman that has put up with Banana Basher for the past 18 years.  Broke Bench Mountain’s gal, Mass Storage Device was also there.  Dude Where’s my Trail? brought his wife Virgin Katie.  TIMMY!’s daughter Sarah showed up.  And backslider Apple Bobber also joined in the festivities.

Hasher couple dBASED and Occasional Rapist were the hare pair for the afternoon.  dBASED laid the eagle trail and Occasional Rapist laid the turkey trail.  Hashers were subjected to hilly trails with multiple hazards.  There was poison oak, yellow jackets, golf balls, and stoners throwing Frisbees.  Wildlife spotted on trail included deer, Bigfoot, and possibly a unicorn, depending on who you ask.  The pack was lucky to have made it to beer check alive.  Just as they were enjoying an ice cold beer, dBASED spotted a park ranger and yelled out “ranger danger”.  Occasional Rapist took off in a cloud of dust, claiming there was a warrant for her arrest.   The ranger threatened fines of $275 per person, but ended up letting them off.  No one knows what happened to Puff, he missed beer check.  He denied getting lost.  His excuse for being DFL was that he was old, slow and worn out.  Perhaps he mingled with the stoners, ate a few magic mushrooms and found his own trail.  Banana Basher and TIMMY! Had a feast waiting for the pack when they returned.

Banana Basher and Apple Bobber were Co-RA’s.  Last Call Norm was honored as one of the only Monterey Bay Hashers left.  In 1988 they started Wharf to Barf.  According to Norm, most of them drank too much and died off.  Next,  Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea) brought up their “love child” Psycho Baby.  Down downs were awarded to Banana Basher’s mail order Russian bride Bails Con Burros and Lube me up Scotty since he was out partying while his wife was in China.  Horny Woman, Deep Stroke was called up for drinking out of her horn.  The band, Waxi and the Bloody Pads, were given a down down as official welcome to the hash.  Virgin Katie bored the pack with a lame joke.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen was ridiculed for being DFL.  The Watermelon competition started out with nominations TIMMY!, Deep Stroke and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.  Deep Stroke was accused of being a “racist” because she planned on running Wharf to Wharf, and replied by incriminating fellow “racists” Twat did you Say? and yours truly. The guys were off the hook.  It was between the 3 ladies.  Deliberations were made and Deep Stroke came out the winner of the Watermelon award.  

And last but not least, the Hares.  Occasional Rapist did the down downs for both of them.  dBASED was off picking up his daughter.


The rest of the afternoon we were entertained by the musical stylings of Waxi and the Bloody Pads.  They played a rockin set enjoyed by all.  It was a great day!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 642: Friday Wharf 2 Barf 7/20/12

Rush-ing to the Inn and getting Deep-ly Stroked

The first night of Wharf to Barf weekend began at the Rush Inn.  Deep Stroke volunteered to hare a few days before, when Hugh Heifer decided to go to change her plans and run off to a hippie music festival in Oregon.  A short trail was promised by Deep Stroke and short it was.  A whopping 1.3 miles!  Our one and only visitor was Mommy’s Little Cock Whore from FHAC-U over the hill.  He was bestowed the honor of wearing the hash shit vest.  It was the second night of hashing for Lube me up Scotty.  His wife left him alone for 2 months while she went to China, so he was trying to make up for lost time.   The pack circled up behind the bar.  We went in the direction of Water Street, when we saw Last Call Norm on the corner, and she joined the pack.  Tonight’s trail went over the Water Street bridge, through San Lorenzo Park, back over the bridge on Soquel downtown, briefly on Pacific Avenue, and to beer check at Santa Cruz High School. 

How rebellious!  Brings back memories of the time I got suspended for drinking beer and smoking cigarettes on school grounds after the football game.   Or the time at band camp when I hid a bottle of Southern Comfort in my saxophone case and got the whole horn section trashed. 

The pack returned to the rush Inn for pizza and beer.  A short Religion was held around the pool table with blaring music in the background.  Hairy Potter was RA and Ralph-U-Crammed-In was beer fairy.  Pearl Necklace received the first down down for not doing trail.  Last Call Norm did some of it, but wasn’t at beer check, so she drank too.  We sang happy birthday to Puff the Magic Drag Queen since his birthday was on 7/16.  Not sure if the look of shock and horror on his face meant that he forgot his own birthday or if he wished others didn’t remember.  Visitor, Mommy’s Little Cock Whore drank next.  And last but not least, the hare!  Deep Stroke received a patch for surviving her 25th Surf City Hash as the juke box played Let the Good Times Roll by the Cars. 

A small group went on to do a pub crawl, and others went to a beer and film event on the west side.  Waxi and I went to the pub crawl with Deep Stroke, Twat did you Say?, TIMMY!, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea), Mommy’s Little Cock Whore.  We hit the Red Room and 99 Bottles, and got home before midnight.  Gone are the days when we closed down bars, went to after hour bars and partied until the sun came up.  At least no one got arrested.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash 641 & the Hangover hash

Remembering hash 641 gives me a headache, but here I go: This was our pre-lube hash for Wharf to Barf excuse me while I have to take breaks to barf…..This was Cum Rash’s first co-haring adventure with Shallow Hole. We started at the Seabright Brewery,we had a few visitor’s Grassy Ass , Mommy’s Little Cock Whore and Pussy Troupe.  Backslider’s Wicked Rhutarded, Stupid Pussy, Pixie, Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls joined us for this hash also. Just Petra decided to cum

back and get to know us more. Two canine hasher’s joined us Marley and Nipple butt.

We took off toward’s the harbor, we decided maybe the ferry would be involved but no, we ran on by over the bridge and along the harbor we then turned towards 7th ave. and toward’s the Harbor Cafe then right at the train tracks and Swan Lagoon park. I was part of the DFL pack and we decided to avoid the park all together and headed down the tracks to where the rest of the pack was near the Liquor Check, fruit flavored V8 and rum? Jungle juice baby.

We basically ran in a circle for about 2.5 miles. See map for details,

Beer check was at the harbor back entrance off to the right, and we moved closer to the street for religion as a neighbor was threatening to call the cops on us during beer check.

Luckily no cops came, and we enjoyed giving/getting down downs, Butt Balls and Accuprick were RA’s, Princess Di-arrea was beer fairy.  Down downs for :Backslider’s Wicked, Pixie, Stupid Pussy and the Visitors: Grassy Ass- San Diego H3, Pussy Toupe-Silicon Valley H3, 500 run’s to dBASED, and the fucking hares..

On On we went to the Lesbian Pizza joint with just Petra, Hot Wheels, myself and dBASED and Grassy Ass. Other’s went to the brewery or the bar next door.

Hangover Sunday W2B hash: What to say about this, it was hot, sweaty and short, like (1/2 a mile short) Hares: Pear Necklace and Banana

needed an extra 10 minute start to basically go buy beer at Shopper’s corner, for the beer check. On the plus side there was Plenty of cold beer, and food, and sun. Thanks to Last Call Norm and Pearl necklace for hosting. This was a great day to just sit and drink in the sun and chew the fat with us half-minds, we did a quick religion with Puff as RA, beer fairy I think was Banana. Too short and boring to remember.  Phyllis Driller, Cum Lord, and Blios con Burros was in attendance. Deep Stroke wore her watermelon head with pride one last time!

On oN….


Hash Trash # 640, July 12, 2012

This week our Hares Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Hugh Heifer made us fight hellish rush hour traffic to get to JJ’s Saloon and Social Club in Soquel.  After 45 minutes in the car, I REALLY needed a drink!  Aside from my usual Scribe duties, I kindly obliged Puff’s request to be Hash Cash and Flash.  I’m a Gemini, so I’m used to being twins, but being triplets is a bit challenging.  I thought to myself, “Damn, I’m my own threesome!”  Hashers were handing me money left and right, and I didn’t even have to work a stripper pole!  I’m bringing a garter next time.

Twat did you Say? brought Virgin Nancy with her and started sucking down 3 buck gin and tonics like they were a Kmart blue light special.  Occasional Rapist also appreciates a deal and joined the gin and tonic party. 

Cuff my Muff was proudly wearing the new fluorescent orange Hash Shit Vest.  She wasn’t embarrassed to wear it.  My guess is that she was either happy to have pockets to stash her mini bottles of Jack Daniels or she was trying to pick up sexy construction workers on Soquel Dr.  Goat Blower showed up after being a long time backslider.  The Hares were trying to be clever, so they left at 6:40 pm since it was Hash # 640.  TIMMY! wasn’t present, so dBASED assumed GA duties and did circle up behind the bar.  We had to wait for Virgin Nancy to get out of the bathroom before we could start introductions.  Hot Wheels brought his cousin Just Jason.  He was brave enough to come back after the tunnel of terror the week before.

The trail went across Porter St and took us right back to Soquel Drive, on the corner where the construction workers were.  We crossed the street and looked for flour in the parking lot but came up short.   We finally found trail and headed up Soquel San Jose Road.  No four in the direction of Soquel High School, so we crossed the street and wandered around a bit until we found a little bridge that crossed a creek.  We crossed Main Street and went past the weird house that is rumored to have exotic animals.  Trail lead us left on Soquel Drive for what seemed to be an endless amount of time.  Princess Diarrhea and I saw a sign for Jewel’s Party.  We were so thirsty that we would’ve been tempted to crash the party if it was still going on.  We turned left on Fairway and another left up this big ass hill, through some shiggy to the top of the hill where there was a cool view.   We ran into some neighbors who thought we were nuts for running up there.  They took one look and Broke Bench Mountain and Hairy Fuck 2.5 and didn’t believe we were a running group.  We continued to follow streets that kept leading us up more fucking hills. The road turned into trail again and we spotted the bum wine check.  It was nasty, cheap wine with a cork floating around in the bottle.  We ended up on Fairway in front of Camphill Community group home for the disabled.  No hashers reside there, as far as I know.  Beer check wasn’t far from there at Puff’s friends Joanne and Peter’s house.   Hashers must have made a great impression, because the last time a beer check was held there was 8 years ago!  It took a while for dBASED to show up, but he finally made it.  His trail was 5 ½ miles!  Word to the wise, NEVER follow dBASED!

Religion was on the street next to their house.  Accuprick was RA, and named Cuff my Muff his Beer Fairy.  The first down down was awarded to everybody wearing orange.  Cuff my Muff, and the cute couple wearing matching sweatshirts (dBASED and Occasional Rapist).  Hairy Fuck 2.5 and Broke Bench Mountain had a small amount of orange on, so they drank too. 

Dude, Where’s my Trail? was punished for wearing new shoes.  Let this be a lesson to us all!  His down down consisted of beer poured through a tea bag (my dirty running sock), into his shoe.  Makes me cringe to think about it.

He choked down some of it.  Cuff my Muff felt sorry for him and drank some too.

Whiskey drinkers, Cuff my Muff and Hairy Fuck 2.5 drank a down down together.  Backslider, Goat Blower serenaded us with a French song and showed her tits.  The teenagers sure got an eye full there!  She proclaimed that she will be singing in a brothel for a renaissance fair.  That should be a sight to see!  Virgin Nancy told a lame joke.   dBASED was punished for leaving flour in the front seat of Hugh Heifer’s truck.  Accuprick drank for being caught pissing on trail.  We thanked our hosts by giving them a down down and singing them a song telling them to go fuck themselves.  We won’t be invited back there for 10 years now!  And last but not least, the Hares…………………..  This was an A to B trail.  The only transportation available was Hugh Heifer’s truck.  Cuff my Muff, Thmp-Thmp and I were rebels and illegally rode back to the bar lying down in the back of the truck.  Last time I did that was when I was 16 years old.  What a blast!   Several hashers got their cars and went back to pick up the rest of the pack.

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  Don’t forget next weekend is Wharf to Barf!  There will be 4 days of hashing debauchery starting with Thursday’s Pre-Lube hash #641 at Seabright Brewery.  I will be co-haring with newly named Cum Rash for her first haring experience.  See all you half minds there!

Hash Trash #639

Howdey Hasher’s, I’m here to rehash the last hash #639. We started at The bar next door in SV. Hash 639 We had an oldtimer hasher Viagra Falls (10 years of no sch3 hashes) join us, as well as backslider’s Too drunk to fuck and his co-hort,  Get up and run ..bitch.  We also had some hasher family of dBASED, join in the fun, Little Spit, Hott Wheels and their cousin Virgin Jason. Hash 639 I’m sure you can remember it was a very wet Thursday for most of us whom braved the “Tunnel” of hell. Hash 639 Hares dBASED and Shallow Hole drove us there, under Highway 17. I had Nipple butt with me following the trail of the pack, I nearly had to drag him a few feet. I waited until everyone went threw the tunnel as I think the noise scared him more then the water level and the darkness. Being the brave Boxer hasher dog he is though we made it threw.  Trail wasn’t long, but it did drag us threw some interesting terrain, mostly uphill asphalt, and shiggy filled with plenty of PO. I enjoyed seeing a very old barn on trail which I believe is old remnants of the Santa’s Village, that I never really remembering going too as a kid. I wasn’t DFL but a few of us did make it to beer check finally where we found the rest of the pack sucking down all the beer. Hash 639 We we’re all happy to get to the end because we all knew what we had in store, Food, and plenty of it.  We sang stupid songs again and made fun of our beer fairy Twat did you say. Puff got his #625 analversary, hares got down downs for getting us all “wet”,  Viagra falls for being a ten year backslider!, and all the old farts of this hash whom we’re >60 years old,  something about virgin Jason and baby penquins?,  and the fucking hares! Waxi pad didn’t run trail, he drove the Pussy wagon for most pussy’s, and he BBQ’d some of the best burger’s I think I’ve ever tasted! Everyone should be applauded for our feast this night as it was a shared adventure. Kudos to the hostess/ host for their pad.
Hash 639
On and On into tonight’s bash hash at JJ’s

cheery o

Occasional Rapist:)

Hash 640

Salutations Kennel Mates,

It is with the utmost pride and humility I announce the impending arrival of Trail 640. This memorable experience will be anchored by the ever-beautiful Hugh Hugh and the ever…well, just “ever”, Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

Our start for the momentous occasion will be JJ’s Saloon and Social Club, 4714 Soquel Drive, Soquel Village. Ample FREE parking (dBASED, you cheap bastard) is provided behind JJ’s. If you really don’t know where that is, there’s something wrong with you as we’ve been there many times before.

Vital statistics: In honor of this being Trail 640, there hare-pair will on-out at (guess!) 6:40! This is an authentic A-to-B Trail. In this case that means Average-to-Bad. Throw anything you wish to see @ Religion in Hugh’s hauler and, just like last week, it will magically appear at the site for Religion. Transportation will be provided back to JJ’s at the conclusion of Religion. You will NOT get wet this week nor will you need the ability to fly nor will you see any poison oak. That’s assuming you do not get lost. On their final scouting mission Saturday, the hares found a fence has been erected destroying their original trail. Consequently, trail was necessarily shortened and is now well shy of the standard Surf City length of three miles. In order to compensate for this shortcoming, trail will be poorly marked which should compensate for it’s brevity allowing you to still reach that coveted three-mile mark before you stumble into Beer Check.

I can’t think of anything else you either need or are worthy enough to be told.


Puff the Magic Drag Queen